Chapter 30

Sophia

The Uber I called took me to Kieran’s house, and even though it was still early, I barricaded myself in my room, or better, a room assigned to me.

Although I was the master of suppressing pain and pretending I was fine, this time I failed most miserably because the pain of a broken heart was not something I knew how to deal with. And Kieran broke mine in the cruelest way. He gave me hope, only to yank it out of my hands the very next moment.

So, I reached for a sleeping pill, something I had never done before, but it was necessary. I needed to avoid thinking about today’s events at all costs. With all that has happened since the sun rose in the sky this morning, it was mission impossible.

While I was taking a shower, the pill worked its magic, and as soon as my head touched the pillow, I was out like a light, leaving all my worries for tomorrow, hoping that, just for once, it may never come.

~ ~ ~

I was woken up by the heat. It was so hot I thought I was burning up in the fiery pits of hell. Drowsy from sleep, I tried to remove the blanket but failed. I couldn’t move my arms at all; they were tied up and restrained.

Panic started building up inside me, but as I opened my eyes, I realized I was still in the familiar room. Blinking a couple of times chased away the remnants of the dreamless slumber I was lulled into until seconds ago. Although, what I discovered once my brain fog cleared out made me wish I hadn’t woken up at all.

Kieran.

Kieran was lying in bed beside me. One of his arms was under my head, and the other was wrapped around my body, holding me tightly pressed against him. My legs were trapped between his, too.

And then it all came back to me. Everything that happened yesterday, everything I felt and that I still do: disappointment, abandonment… regret.

I was torn between what I had so damnably started feeling for Kieran and all the things that transpired between us, everything he did to me, attacking me, almost killing me, threatening me, forcing me to marry him and become part of his life… breaking my heart.

Yesterday I thought we were past it. For a moment his walls fell giving me hope I could be his wife and he could be my husband; but when that hope was crushed, it hurt more than ever before because it was the first time I had been ready... It was the first time I saw him in a different light. I let my guard down, and he used it in the worst possible way.

But no more. Never again. I swore to myself.

Still uncomfortably hot with a neck that hurt from the position I was sleeping in, for God knows how long, I started wiggling in an attempt to free myself. Poor attempt, I must say. Even in his sleep, Kieran’s grip on me was ironclad. Gathering all the strength I possibly could, I freed my hand from his hold when Kieran moved and pulled me into himself, molding me to his body and snuggling with me like I was giant a teddy bear.

Those movements brought another discovery! He was wearing nothing but boxers, and the touch of his naked skin against mine had the exact opposite effect to the one I wanted, and that was to get away from him.

“Let go of me, you brute!” I hissed, but Kieran showed no intention of releasing me from his hold. What’s more, he snuggled even more with me.

“Just five more minutes,” he grunted.

His warm breath tickled the side of my neck, and I could feel his nose moving up and down, up and down, provoking me, daring me to deny my body’s reaction to his closeness.

“What are you doing in my bed?” I tried to hide a moan that escaped me with a grunt.

“Sleeping with my wife.” Hearing this, I struggled to lift his arm again, but failed miserably. “And you know what? I liked it so much that I’ll keep doing it for the rest of my life.”

I hated myself for liking what Kieran said. I hated myself for how alive he made me feel, despite my bleeding heart.

“There won’t be the rest of your life! Get out!” I all but screamed at him, hatefully repeating the words he yelled at me yesterday.

Although, I didn’t mean it. Not really. I didn’t want him gone. I wanted him above me or underneath me. I wanted us tangled together in those sheets. I wanted to feel him completely, and I wanted us to be one. That was the reason I kept struggling against his hold. He could never know how aroused I was becoming with each passing second!

We’ve never been this close before and feeling him so tightly wrapped around me, did things to me I could never imagine! For heaven’s sake, after yesterday I should be adamant about killing him in his sleep, not yearning to ride him till we both lost our minds.

Kieran was silent for a moment or two, long enough for me to stop my wiggling.

“I’m sorry.”

At first, I wasn’t sure if I heard him right because his voice was barely above a whisper, and I could have hallucinated it, but when he repeated it, louder and clearer, all my doubts were gone.

“I’m sorry, love.” After a few minutes of no words being spoken, Kieran raised his head and propped himself on his elbow. “I came yesterday to tell you that, but you were already asleep. You were crying when I checked on you later, and I couldn’t wake you up. That’s why I spent the night here… to watch over you.” He explained it even though I didn’t ask for it. “What did you do?”

“I took a sleeping pill.”

“Why?” His voice was too accusatory, like I did the worst thing in the world. I couldn’t believe it!

“Why? Why!” I snapped. “You have the decency to ask me why? Because of you, mongrel! Only because of you! Why do you think I wouldn’t be able to ever fall asleep after what you did?” I yelled, and Kieran, taken aback by my reaction, released his hold on me, and I used that opportunity to step out of bed and get as far away from him as I could.

“I already explained that you don’t have to worry about it. There’s no chance I could be a father to that baby.” He was getting angry; it was impossible to miss. Kieran sat up, his chest rising up and down fast, and instead of focusing on his wrongful anger, I couldn’t take my eyes off of his perfectly chiseled chest and the smooth skin that flexed over the muscles every time he moved.

Kieran’s grey skies traveled down from my face, and his facial expression completely changed. He gulped and inhaled deeply as his nostrils flared. I followed his gaze, but before I looked down, I knew exactly what got his attention.

Damn! Only then did I become hyper-aware of the traces my arousal left on my thin, silky nightie while my bare thighs glistened in it too. As the blood rushed to my cheeks, painting them bright red, I cursed myself for the involuntary reaction my body had had when it came to his devilish good looks.

“It’s not about Nora or her baby, Kieran. Why don’t you understand? It’s you who’s been hurting me from the beginning, and I cannot take it anymore. I want out. I’m out. This charade of yours is over. I want a divorce.” I headed to the bathroom to make myself decent, but Kieran was standing in front of me in the blink of an eye, preventing me from moving.

His hand found its way to the place it knew so well - my neck, and I clenched my jaw in displeasure - a fake one.

“No!” he roared. “Do you hear me? You cannot leave me! Not you too! Divorce?” His chuckle was grim. “Divorce! I’m not giving you a divorce! Never! I’m not letting you go ever.” Then he added in a low voice, a whisper really, something I could’ve been imagining, but then again, maybe I wished it never happened. “How could I let go of the woman I love so much.”

“What did you say?” I needed confirmation that I wasn’t going crazy, that I hadn’t started hallucinating.

But Kieran quickly composed himself and diverted the conversation in the direction I so didn’t want it to go.

“Well, my dear, based on what I see, you don’t want to leave either.” A smile crooked his lips, but to my surprise, I didn’t find it mocking. It was nothing but temptingly inviting.

His other hand sneaked around my waist, pulling me closer and closer, making my knees weak. Fuck! It was the truth, and I hated it! No matter what happened, I still wanted him like the air I breathed.

With the last shreds of rationality, I pushed Kieran aside and stormed into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. Not because I wanted to keep him out, but to keep myself away from him.

“Get out!” I yelled at the closed door.

I could hear Kieran’s loud laugh in response coming from the other side, and my lips turned upwards involuntarily too.