Chapter 28 - Forgiveness

“You should’ve seen the look on his face Alex. I wanted to punch him and laugh at the same time,” I giggled.

He sighed. “Bev, do you have any idea how mad you sound right now?”

“I know, but it was just such a confusing moment for me,” I admitted.

“I understand. What I don’t understand is why I’m the person you called about this,” he chuckled.

“You’re my best friend, duh!” I replied.

“Walter’s busy huh?” he chuckled.

“For someone who relinquished parental rights for Christie, he and Ava have been going at it like bitches in heat to get pregnant,” I complained.

“Are you ok with that? I meant to ask you,” he said.

“I’m happy for them. I mean, he’s still there for Christie, so I’m good with it. It’s always nice when a guy grows up you know?” I replied.

“Just like Mordecai has?” he asked.

“That’s different,” I mumbled.

“That’s bull and you know it. Did you at least tell him about the twins?” he asked.

“Nope! I honestly didn’t give him the time of day,” I replied.

“You do realize that you’re doing exactly the same thing Loraine did to him with Kyle?” he pointed out.

“If he wasn’t such an asshole, people wouldn’t need to hide things from him,” I countered.

“More bullshit! Beverly, you need to tell him about his children – preferably before they turn one,” he said.

“But I don’t want to,” I whined.

“It’s not a matter of you wanting to or not. The twins will be one in two month’s time. The world already believes, for some reason, that those kids belong to Charlie and Angel, which they don’t. Now that you’ve served him with the divorce papers, mentioning that you want sole custody for Kyle, Dakota and Preston, it’s only a matter of time before he puts two and two together and comes knocking on your door,” he pointed out.

“I’ve still got time. I dropped the papers off at Angel’s this morning. She said Charlie would deliver them next week when he goes to see Mordecai,” I replied.

“And remind me again – the divorce papers are meant to scare him into action, correct?” he asked.

“Well, yeah,” I replied.

“I will never understand why you won’t talk to him like a normal person. You want him back, and yet he wants to talk to you and you ignore him. I just don’t understand you sometimes Bev,” he stated.

“I don’t understand myself either,” I mumbled.

“Look, Ellie’s complaining about her feet again, so let me get to that. Just think about talking to him like a normal human being ok? Enjoy your weekend off, but not before calling him to tell him about the twins before those papers get to him. I love you Bev,” he said.

“Fine, whatever! I love you too Alex,” I sighed before hanging up the phone.

The sad reality of my life settled in on me at the same time the silence did. My kids were off with my parents for the weekend, and I was left alone to be one with my thoughts. Being a single mother to two toddlers and two infants can be one hell of a challenge, but I would never trade my children for anything or anyone.

Everyone in my life had someone, and it made me so miserable on the inside, especially at this particular moment, knowing that Mordecai wanted another chance, but that I was too stubborn to give it to him.

Jackson and Nellie are engaged, Angel and Charlie are engaged, Walter and Ava are together, Jacob and Fernando are still together, Zebedee and Kim are still together, Alex has Ellie, and even Geronimo is with his girlfriend Paris.

Even my father has moved on after Meghan.

I’m all alone.

With this depressing thought in mind, I headed to the bathroom in my house and filled up the bath with hot water and scented bubble bath. I’d bought the house when I realized that I couldn’t live in a penthouse with four kids.

While I was pregnant, Walter stayed with me, Kyle and Christie. He stayed with me until I’d given birth to the twins. At this time, Ellie, my live in nurse, stepped in to help me, and when Alex met her, it was love at first sight for them. She’s three months pregnant now with their baby.

He was also coming over to help me and they ended up all living with me until the twins were five months old. I kicked them out then, but they all still rotate with spending the night here since they still worry about me and my sanity.

This weekend, I was told was my weekend to rest and clear my mind. My parents came and took the kids, and I couldn’t have been more depressed. My kids can be a headache, but they’re also a major distraction from the hopelessness that is my life.

I stripped off my clothes and headed to the kitchen to get myself some melted chocolate, strawberries and wine. I’d been in the bath water when I heard the banging at the door. It was so loud, I was sure whoever it was would break down my door. I got out of the water and wrapped the towel around myself, with it barely covering me, and headed to the door.

“What on earth?” I said as I opened the door.

My eyes widened when I found that it was a furious Mordecai looking down at me. He was still wearing the same black suit from earlier, and he looked even hotter with the look in his eyes changing from fury to lust as he followed the water drops going down my legs.

“Kai,” I breathed, not realizing how turned on I sounded.

“Fuck it!” he said, throwing some papers aside and picking me up as he claimed my lips.

I moaned into his mouth and kissed him back just as feverishly. My body was singing hallelujah jingles as my veins seared with hot passion for the only man my heart beats for. I was undressing him as well, and in record time, he was down to his briefs.

His Calvin Klein briefs that I’d missed ever so much.

He carried me up the stairs like he knew where he was going, but when he headed towards the wrong door, I stopped him.

“Last door,” I barely said before his lips were back on mine.

He opened and closed the main bedroom door before laying me on my bed. The towel fell off of me, and I was super conscious about the whole thing. While my weight and body was back to its normal shape, I still had the stretch marks and the scar from the caesarean. He traced the lines ever so lightly, and I squirmed under his touch.

“Two beautiful babies Bev, and you didn’t tell me. I didn’t get to see your belly, swollen with our children. Why? Why would you deny me something so beautiful?” he ended with a whisper.

My heart shattered when his tears landed on my bare stomach. I sat up as he fell to his knees and pulled his head to my stomach. Nothing about this moment was awkward as he cried onto my naked stomach, holding onto me ever so tightly.

He had broken my heart, but the man before me was a man who himself, had been heartbroken. At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing by not telling him about my pregnancy, but seeing him like this, I realized just how wrong I was.

Whereas his mistake could be easily rectified by him starting to be the father his son wants, I would never be able to rewind time and be pregnant with the twins again. They couldn’t be reborn and there was nothing I could do about that, but feel like the bitch I probably am for what I did to him.

“I’m so sorry Bev. My life is nothing without you. I’m so sorry I broke your heart. I’m so sorry that I made you cry. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for our son. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for you with the twins. I’m so sorry that I was such an asshole. God, I’m sorry for everything,” he said as the tears continued to stream down his face.

I’d seen Mordecai cry before, but this time it was different. This time, the raw emotion in his voice made my heart clench in pain. I’d been so selfish to think that I was the only one who was affected. I should’ve thought to put myself in his shoes, or to at least not give up so easily. I should’ve fought with him until he saw reason.

I should’ve...

If I had, we wouldn’t be in this situation. If I had, we would’ve been a happy family. If I had, we would’ve both been there for my pregnancy. If I had, we would’ve both been there for the birth of the twins. If I had, we would’ve both been happy.

We would’ve...

“I’m sorry,” I whispered as I kissed his forehead.

“Please don’t leave me,” he said.

I caressed his cheek. “Make love to me.”

“Promise me you won’t leave me gorgeous. I need to hear it,” he pleaded.

“I promise on my life that I will not leave you. I’m not going anywhere baby. I love you,” I told him honestly.

“I love you too, so much!” he said before kissing me.

I woke up, startled by dream. I was sitting in the cold water and my skin had pruned. My chocolate had gone hard, and it was dark outside. I sighed and got out of the water, before going to close the curtains around the house.

Just as I was heading back upstairs, there was loud banging on my door. My heart rate spiked through the roof, because the only people who have my new address are my family and friends, and none of them would have any reason to come knocking on my door in such a manner.

I headed to the door and opened it slowly. Just like in my dream, a furious Mordecai stood on the other side of the door with papers in his hands, but this time, he was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt – but they were equally as enticing.

“We need to talk,” he said.

“Come in,” I replied, stepping aside to let him in.

He walked in, and the lust was there in his eyes as he followed the drops on my legs, but he looked like he was restraining himself from coming anywhere towards me. I sighed in disappointment and headed towards my room. He didn’t follow me, and I changed into some clothes before going back downstairs to him.

“So...” I trailed off at the awkward silence.

“I’m so pissed off at you, I don’t even know where to begin,” he said.

“How about at the beginning?” I suggested.

“You chose to tell me about my children by serving me with divorce papers where you request sole custody over them,” he stated, showing me the said papers.

I was surprised. “You got the papers already?”

“I happened to go to Charlie’s place for an impromptu visit, but that’s not the point here,” he snapped.

“What do you want me to say? The last time I saw you, you made it very clear that you didn’t want kids. You rejected my son right before his very eyes. Did you expect me to turn around and be happy to tell you more bad news about you being a father? I couldn’t face that rejection Mordecai. Kyle was one thing, but I wouldn’t have made it if you’d told me you didn’t want the twins, so I had them without you,” I explained.

“And then decided to only tell me about it eighteen fucking months later. That wasn’t fair on your part Beverly, and I don’t care how much of an asshole I was at the time. You should’ve still told me and let me make that choice,” he argued.

I scoffed. “Make the choice to hurt me?”

“I WOULDN’T HAVE HURT YOU DAMNIT! Do you have any idea what I felt when Charlie and Angel revealed the truth to me? I felt empty! I’ve regretted not being there for you and Kyle this whole time, and to find out that you went through this by yourself only makes me feel like even less of a man. You’ve made me feel lower than scum Beverly. I know I was wrong in regards to Kyle, but you can’t sit there and tell me that you weren’t wrong for what you did with the twins,” he told me angrily.

I shrugged. “I only regret it a little if that’s what you’re looking for. You hurt me, badly, and quite frankly I felt you deserved to not know. I wouldn’t have ever told you if I didn’t need the legal papers that say that they are fully mine.”

“That’s bitchy of you,” he commented.

“Whatever! Say what you came to say and leave,” I said, suddenly annoyed by his presence.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he retorted.

I raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. I’m not going anywhere until you and I have sorted this out. I want shared custody over all four of our children, and you and I are going to have a proper wedding. We’re going to buy a house, have more kids so that I can watch you walk around our house with a swollen belly, and we’re going to grow old together. This shit is getting sorted out today, and I’m not leaving until these divorce papers cease to exist!” he stated confidently.

It may have gone differently from my dream, but I was most definitely still as turned on, except this time, I was also overwhelmed by joy and pride. He’d referred to my children, Christie included, as his, and he was finally here to talk about the future I always wanted with him.

I got up and walked over to where he was sitting. I stood before him, before straddling him. I was instantly engulfed by his cologne that I’d missed so much. His hands were firmly on my thighs, holding me in place, while electrifying me.

“Ask me,” I whispered.

I was confused when he picked me up and placed me on the couch. He put his hand in his pocket before pulling out a beautiful ring. This one was nothing like the one he’d given me before. It was a rose design with the big rock in the middle, and the vines made up the band part of the ring, entwining while covered with little diamonds.

“I am sorry Beverly. I am sorry for every single bad thing I did and said to you, from the very first moment we met. I am sorry that I wasn’t there for you with our children. I’m sorry that you felt that you couldn’t come to me about news of our babies because I hadn’t reassured you enough of my love for you. I have fallen in love with those children from pictures, and to know that they are mine, only makes me that much happier. I know that Christie isn’t mine, but she’s yours, and so I want her to be mine as well. I want to love her the same way you love Kyle. I want to love our children the same way you love them, but most of all, I want to love you. I want to spend the rest of my life showing you just how much I love you. I want to cherish you, to worship you, to make love to you, and to make you never doubt my love for you again. I want to be the only man who makes you smile like an idiot. I want to be the only man who makes you giggle to yourself. I want to be the only man you want your children to call dad. I want to be the only man to make love to you. I want to be the only man who is lucky enough to call you mine, but most of all, I want to be the only man who gets to say that you hold their heart. I love you more than the word itself Beverly Haskins. Please do me the honour of making an honest man of me, by not only allowing me to be the father of your children, but by granting me the highest regard of being your husband?” he finished off, tears in his eyes. I’m sure they reflected my own.

“Yes,” I whispered the only word that was right for that moment.

He put the ring on my finger before getting up and finally giving me the kiss that I’d missed for eighteen months. Oh, how high I was – how happy I felt. I was drowning in the feeling, and he only took me higher.

“You’re an infuriating woman, you know that?” he asked as he trailed his fingers up and down my bare arm as we lay in my bed.

“Just as much as you’re an infuriating man,” I smiled.

He sighed. “I’ve missed you so much Bev. I’m so stupid for letting this go on for as long as it has.”

“Hey, don’t think about it. We both made mistakes, and the only way forward from here is forward. It’s no use feeling regret. We should start on a clean slate,” I suggested.

“I’d like that,” he smiled before pecking my lips.

“What happened with Blaire and Hunter? I read the article about the trial,” I asked.

“They were sentenced two days ago. They’ll both be in prison for a long time,” he replied.

I caressed his cheek. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you.”

“I thought we weren’t feeling regret,” he said with a cheeky smile.

“Ok, ok,” I giggled.

“Why Dakota and Preston?” he asked in curiosity.

“Well, their full names are Dakota Whitney Hart-Tedder, and Preston Dave Hart-Tedder. I named her Dakota after your mum, and Whitney after, well Whitney. I named him Preston after you, and Dave after my father,” I explained. Karen’s second name is Dakota, and my father’s second name is Dave.

“That’s, I would’ve never thought of that. Thank you for giving them my name, despite everything,” he smiled.

“They’re your children Kai, that I could never deny. I changed Kyle’s last name as well, to Hart-Tedder,” I informed.

“What about Christie?” he asked.

“Still a Granger,” I replied.

“She’s Walter’s?” he asked, wide-eyed.

“Yeah! He’s my ex from a long time ago,” I replied before telling him my whole story with Walter and Christie.

Finally.

“I can’t believe you had to go through that twice because seemingly Walter and I are idiots,” he said.

“You’re both very special idiots to me because you both at least realized that you were idiots,” I smiled.

“Is he still a part of her life?” he asked.

“He is, but not as her father. Just like with Loraine, Walter never wanted her to call him dad, and when they came back, he gave me sole custody of her. So, he visits often, but she doesn’t have a dad,” I replied.

“Yet,” he added.

“Yet,” I smiled.

“I want more kids with you,” he suddenly admitted.

“Let’s get you acquainted with the ones you already have first,” I suggested.

“But we’ll have more right?” he asked.

I nodded. “If fate allows it.”

“Oh, it has no choice in the matter,” he smirked before kissing me.

Thank the heavens that I had the weekend off for myself. It couldn’t have come at a better time, especially since Mordecai was seemingly adamant to make up for lost time. It was incredible and breathtaking at the same time, how after so long, my body still responded to only his touch.

“I love you so much woman,” he mumbled onto my skin.

“I love you too,” I sighed contently.

We spent the whole weekend in, and he made me call my parents and ask them to keep the kids. When they asked why, I came up with some excuse that they apparently bought, and a weekend turned to a week. By the Friday, I was done for.

“I can’t move,” I giggled tiredly.

“I could always massage you,” he smirked in offer.

I rolled my eyes. “Because that would end up going as planned.”

He shrugged. “It’s not my fault you get sexier with time.”

I raised an amused eyebrow. “And apparently you get cheesier with time.”

“Gotta keep the charm alive,” he chuckled before a calming silence settled on us.

“Baby?” I called.

“Hmm?” he replied.

He was falling asleep.

“Never mind! I’ll ask you when we wake up,” I giggled.

“Ok, I love you gorgeous,” he said before kissing my forehead.

“I love you too baby,” I cuddled into him before drifting back to sleep.

We woke up fourteen hours later and it was mid afternoon. We showered before he decided he’d cook for me. My cooking skills have improved in the past year, but I wasn’t about to pass up the opportunity to watch him cook better tasting food for me while he was shirtless.

There were just too many bonuses involved with letting him do the cooking.

“What did you want to ask me last night?” he asked.

“Oh, I wanted to know how we were going to deal with the media side of things. It’s no secret that everyone wants to know what happened with us,” I pointed out.

“We tell the truth. I’ll come out and tell everyone exactly what happened. You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to,” he replied.

“No, I’m there with you the whole way,” I smiled.

“Great! I’m curious about something though,” he said.

“Why the world thinks our kids are the Maxwell twins?” I asked knowingly.

“Yeah! I mean, when I first saw the twins, I couldn’t see Charlie or Angel. I saw you more, and I figured it was a gene thing because you’re related to Angel,” he commented.

“I never bothered to correct anyone because no-one knew that I’d been pregnant to begin with. Angel gave birth and everyone knows I’m the twins’ aunt, so they just assumed that the twins are hers. She and Charlie never mentioned that she gave birth to twin girls, so they went along with it to keep the identity of our twins a secret,” I explained.

“Did you stay indoors for nine months?” he asked wide-eyed.

“I stayed indoors for six months. That’s when I started to really show,” I corrected.

“Why not share your pregnancy with the world though?” he asked curiously.

“You weren’t there with me, so it wasn’t the same. I’m not saying that I didn’t appreciate my pregnancy though, don’t get me wrong. I just felt like because I couldn’t share it with the one person who means the world to me, then I wouldn’t share it with anyone else,” I explained timidly.

“Do, do you have photos?” he asked nervously.

“Plenty! Christie and Kyle were too excited,” I giggled.

“Can I see them?” he smiled.

“Sure thing!” I said before going to get my laptop.

While I powered up the laptop, he finished up cooking and left the pots on the stove to finish cooking. He then joined me on the couch just as I’d opened the folder of photos. He looked so fascinated as I told him the different stories behind each picture.

“And this is the photo shoot Nellie and Angel organized for me here in the house,” I said as he browsed through the photos of me naked and pregnant.

“So beautiful,” he whispered.

“And this is the day before the twins were born,” I said as he looked at the picture where I looked about ready to burst.

He laughed. “You look like you’re about to go Fourth of July on everyone.”

“Jacob said the same thing,” I commented.

“What’s this?” he asked.

“It’s the birth of the twins. Nellie got it on tape for you,” I said before pressing play.

Watching the pure awe on his face had me in tears. Guilt overwhelmed me truly at that point when I realized that I’d hurt him and our relationship. He was angry, yes, but I had no right to deny him the opportunity to change his mind.

I gave up too easily on him.

“They’re beautiful,” he whispered, a tear leaving his eye. That only brought on more of my tears as I cried in silence.

“Hey, why are you crying?” he asked as he placed the laptop on the table. He grabbed me and pulled me in so that I could cry into his chest.

And boy did I cry.

“I’m a horrible person Mordecai. It was so cruel of me to deny you being a part of the twins’ lives. I’m so sorry,” I hiccupped.

“Gorgeous, I forgave you, and you need to forgive yourself. We didn’t know that this was how things would turn out, and quite frankly, we have to move on and accept that they’ve happened. Am I upset about not being able to have been there for your pregnancy? Yes, but there’s nothing I can do about it except get you pregnant with more kids and make sure that I’m right there for every single one of them,” he smirked.

“Promise?” I laughed.

“I promise you on our children’s lives,” he smiled before kissing my forehead.

“Did you ever watch the video I sent you?” I asked curiously.

He shook his head. “I was afraid to.”

“Watch it now,” I suggested.

“Are you sure?” he asked nervously.

I nodded. “Positive.”

He took out his phone and went through his emails, before finding the one I’d sent him.

“Hi daddy. My name is Kyle Hart. I’m six years old. Loraine told me that you and mommy would want me, and that you would love me. Mommy loves me, and she told me I’m her son. I love her very much, and I also love you too, even though you made her cry. Mommy loves you. I know you’re mad at her, but please don’t be. We both love you very much. She was crying a lot at night when she thought I was sleeping. You hurt her real bad. Please forgive her. I love you daddy,” the video stopped playing.

“I’m a horrible father,” he mumbled.

“No you’re not,” I denied.

He looked at me with teary eyes. “Yes I am.”

I grabbed his face and kissed him with everything in me. “You need to forgive yourself as well.”

We were brought out of our moment by the doorbell. I got up and went to the door and was surprised to find my parents there. They were with the kids as well. I thought they were only coming back the following day.

“MOMMY!” Christie and Kyle attacked my legs.

“You’re back!” I squeaked. I was only dressed in Mordecai’s t-shirt and boxers.

My mom raised an accusing eyebrow at me. “And you’re wearing a man’s clothing.”

“Uh, hi,” Mordecai said awkwardly behind me.

“Daddy,” Kyle gasped in a whisper. Fury flashed in my dad’s eyes.

“What the hell is he doing here?”

Ah, well, shit!