Chapter 58
My heartbeat thundered in my ears and heat spread down my neck.Jeff went pale and looked ridiculously guilty.How did mothers always figure things out?Even mine had known before she passed.
“Jeff?”Her tone brooked no argument.
His shoulders sagged.“Yes.”
She sighed.“I can’t say I didn’t see this coming.”She rubbed her brow and gave us a smile.“I’ve watched you two dance around each other for years.”
My jaw about hit the floor.
“First of all,you’re both eighteen and about to graduate.I like you,Aaron,and I think you’re good for each other.So don’t take this the wrong way…”
My heart sank.Was she going to insist I stay with my grandparents?
“Mom—”Jeff began.
“Let me finish.I’m fine with you dating.More than fine,actually.I’ve thought for years this might happenBut I don’t think you should be roommates in college.That’s an awful lot of pressure on the two of you when you’re both so young.”
Relief flooded through me and I gave Jeff a half-smile.He looked relieved,too,and smiled back.
“We’ll talk about it,”Jeff promised while I nodded my agreement.
She could be right,but I didn’t want to think about that now.I was just so glad she was letting me stay.She and Jeff were my family now.They were what kept me grounded throughout the whole disaster that had become my life.
“Well,school’s tomorrow,so don’t stay up too late,boys.I’m heading to bed early to read and finally get a good night’s sleep.Clean up the kitchen for me,okay?”She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes.“I expect you both to stay in your ownrooms at night.You may be eighteen,but you’re living under myroof.Understand?”
We both nodded.
Jeff grabbed another slice of pizza,then rounded the table,taking a seat next to me.“Want another piece?”
“I’m stuffed.”
“Can’t believe she figured us out!”
“I know.But then again,my mom knew,too.”I remembered that last night we’d spoken in the hospital.“Did I ever tell you what she said about you?”
He shook his head.
“She told me you were a good man.”
His eyebrows raised.“She did?”
“And she was right.You’ve been here for me through everything.”I twined my fingers with his.“You area good man,Jeff.”
He blushed.He was so damn cute,I kissed his cheek.
“I’m glad we figured things out.”
Later,after we’d cleaned the kitchen and finished the movie we’d started before dinner,I headed upstairs to take a shower while Jeff did homework.
In the bathroom,I stripped and looked at myself in the mirror.I gripped my dick.Would Jeff find me as sexy as I thought he was?I wasn’t as long as him.I wouldn’t call myself small,but he was at least an inch longer.My balls were less hairy,too.Did he like a lot of hair?
I turned on the shower and waited for the water to warm while I thought about this afternoon.I had wanted to see Jeff come,and God,it was unbelievably sexy,but I’d also felt shy about letting him see me.I mean,this was Jeff,my best friend for the last five years.It was all so crazy.My lifewas crazy.Yet,things were going relatively well now,although I had a lot left to decide.The house,the possessions,college.Not to mention prom,then graduation.
I climbed into the shower and closed the blue-and-white-speckled curtain,letting the water run over my shoulders.
Things were going to be different.But had I been happy with the way my life had been going before?I had always been scared of my father.Scared he would hurt my mom or my sister.If I were honest,I had been scared he’d hurt me,too.If he’d found out I was gay before he went to jail,he might have killed me.My stomach roiled at the thought.He’d made so many nasty comments to me over the last couple of years.While I shouldn’t have let them bother me,I always did.It hurt more than I wanted to admit
To be fair,I did have a few good memories from when I was a kid.Remembering how he used to pretend to be the“tickle monster”and chase my sister and me around the house until he caught us brought a tiny smile to my face.Maybe there was a time he’d actually loved me.
Suddenly,guilt stabbed at me,and I couldn’t believe I was thinking good thoughts about the man who killed my mom.A sob tore from my throat and I couldn’t breathe.My chest tightened and I gasped for air,but my lungs wouldn’t work.
My knees gave out.I slumped to the shower floor and braced my hand on the wall.My world began to gray,and I hit the wall with my fist before I gave in to the swirling darkness.