Chapter 18:- Losing the Inhibitions

He walked to her and made her stand. She just kept looking at him innocently, tears still streaming down from her beautiful eyes. Her hiccups didn't stop.

"Shhh." Armaan whispered softly and rubbed her tears gently. He shook his head in no, requesting her to not cry more.

He pressed his lips on her forehead lovingly, letting them stay there for a longer time. She sighed and closed her eyes to feel this moment. It was after years that she felt this kind of peace and comfort and it was only him who had the ability to do so with a mere touch of his lips. He joined his forehead with hers, their breaths mingling.

But the peace she felt vanished on hearing his next word.

"Now you are free." He said with a blank face and left her, making her stumble. He stepped back and she kept looking at him, bewildered and stupefied. She thought that he would understand but this was not what she expected.

"Armaan?" She whispered his name, totally flabbergasted.

"You did what you wanted and I accepted. Well I didn't have much choice either. So now you are free from this guilt, free from me, from our friendship and from our memories. I free you from this namesake bond that I tied between you and me , forcefully . You are free to go and move on in life. You are free TALWAR." He said with a smile that wasn't sarcastic, wasn't mocking but it felt liberating. He is liberating himself along with her, to make everything easy for her and somewhere for himself too. He turned around and showed his back to her.

"You can't do this. Not now, not ever. Our friendship wasn't forced." She stressed and pulled him to face her.

"And why can't I? You made your decision, now I have made my choice too. " He said gruffly and jerked her hand breaking the contact.

She kept looking at his face to find if this was any kind of joke but the serious expressions on his face said otherwise. He didn't look the same Armaan anymore, who was wiping her tears. He was altogether a different person now.

"You cannot free me from yourself. You know why? Because my soul is tied to yours. I'll not let your soul die. Did you hear that? Your heart and soul is just not yours Armaan. Believe me, your soul, your music won't leave you. I promise. Just say yes. Please for me." She urged, holding his face in his palm and staring right into his soul.

"What are you saying Khwaab?" He asked, stunned to the core, reading the emotions her eyes exhibited.

"Khwaab, someone is out there waiting for you. You can't do this to him and atleast not for me." He avouched pointing outside and moving back thus breaking the contact between them as if he's committing a sin being close to her.

"Who?" Khwaab asked in disbelief.

"That guy you hugged at the backstage. You love him right?" And Khwaab wished to pull her hair hearing his words.

"I wish I could bang your head on the wall." Khwaab uttered frustratedly but there was no change in his stance. He was still the same, addled and in a maze.

His blank face and debilitated body broke her heart and she trudged towards him slowly.

"Armaan, just sit here and listen to me. He's just my friend, okay? Don't overthink. I meant whatever I said." Supporting his weak body she made him sit and explained him as he is a kid.

"No, you can't love me. Not now when I'm going to die. And that guy loves you. I've seen it. He loves you and I'm going to die. Don't love me." He mumbled incoherently and incessantly, evincing how deep rooted his fears and insecurities lie.

Khwaab was staggered with his reaction and vulnerability. She had never imagined him to turn into someone like this. And nobody would believe he is the same man who was smiling and performing in the concert just one day before. The change that music brings in his life is unparalleled.

"Armaan Malik, listen to me loud and clear. You're not going to die. Dare you think rubbish and Rahul, he doesn't love me. We are just friends. And no one can ever take your place in my life. No one. Do you understand? I love you." She screamed emphatically and boring her gaze directly into his', cutting off his incoherent monologue.

"How can you be so hopeless Armaan. My Armaan can never think so negatively. What has happened, ha?" She pleaded palming his cheeks and crying in his pain, seeing him in unbearable pain.

"The doctors told me that the nerves surrounding the tumour can lead to complications, that may cost me my career. Music is just not a career for me. It's everything, after you. I didn't have you and I couldn't lose whatever I was left with." He finally verbalized his sorrow, his feelings and felt unshackled and disenthralled from his self imposed restraints.

"Yes the complications are there but we don't have to be scared. You remember, in mathematics, how many times you'd practised mensuration chapter because you couldn't imagine the 3D shapes of cones and cylinders. Three times you did it before excelling in your exams. If you would've got scared before trying, would you have done it."

"Khwaab life is not like mathematics. Everything doesn't have a solution."

"Yes but life takes our test everyday and you know what is the succeeding criteria. It's our persistence and determination towards the goal. Difficulties come and go and what helps us sail through it, is our commitment, our diligence without fearing the consequences. There was a time when you worked hard to let music enter in your life and this is the time when we'll work hard to let music stay in your life. We shall overcome Armaan, hold my hand and just say yes." She sniffed, rubbing his unstoppable tears and beseeched him again.

"You won't leave?" That was the only thing that mattered to him now.

"Never, come what may."

"We can do this?"

"We will do this, yes?"

"Yes." Leaning into her touch he embraced her tightly, his head placed on her bosoms and he cried, cried like anything, inconsolably and miserably, shedding his fear, pain and inhibitions in front of the person who would subsume his pain like no one. No judgements, no fear and no inhibitions.

Khwaab smiled at Kirti amidst her tears and bobbed her head in yes making the latter smile to the fullest. She closed the door softly and left them alone showering innumerable blessings to Khwaab in her heart.

"Shhh... it’s okay. Armaan enough now, you'll fall sick." She rocked his fragile frame and rubbed his back soothingly, kissing the top of his head.

"Talwar, I.. I was so... scared. I thought I'll lose everything... Please don't leave me." He said in his muffled voice in between his hiccups.

"Shh.. I understand. Please stop crying and I won't leave you for anything, at any cost and neither let you go. Understood." She caressed his hair and he nodded with his head still embosomed in her chest.

Listening his loud hiccups she separated him and gave him water. He supped up two or three sips and nodded in no.

"Sleep now." She patted him softly and he slept right away being tired with the stress effectuated on him. Staring back at him she recollected her conversation with the doctor that forced her to take this step.

Flashback

"Dr. Saanjh, are you free? I wanted to ask you something about Armaan." Khwaab knocked the cabin before entering.

"Yes Khwaab. How can I help you?" Dr. Saanjh gestured her to sit with a welcoming smile.

"Doctor, has Armaan discussed anything with you regarding this surgery? Like he is scared or enquired anything." Fidgeting with her fingers and licking her dried lips she asked the question with fear laden in her words.

"Yes, just like in any other case, we doctors need to make the patient aware of all the complications he might come across post or during surgery or what can be the consequences of the surgery. And we answered everything he enquired us before having his signed consent but then after a day he denied. Initially I was shocked because he looked quite hopeful about it and young patients generally take the risk but I don't know what went wrong." The doctor gave her the details, herself confused with his reason.

"So what can be the consequences? I mean how much percent..." Khwaab fumbled listening her own words.

"50-50. And if I tell you the actual truth it's better than 70-30 which is the most common chances we tell." Khwaab released her breathe that she was holding unknowingly on receiving a hopeful answer.

"Complications? Is there any life threatening complication?"

"No. Based on the location of his tumour there will be certain unavoidable complications but none of them is life threatening. And if he's determined then with advanced post-operative physiotherapy and neurotherapy he'll be just like before. He can live a normal healthy life... not completely but yeah not that he'll be handicapped." Khwaab's blood ran cold hearing these words but she knew the situation can get worse.

"Can this be the reason he's scared to take the risk?"

"Khwaab it's not something to be scared about but if we say about Armaan, he can be. Undergoing this treatment with so much uncertainty and negativity can make anyone anxious and with his panic attacks we had tranquilized him many times which itself develops the feeling of hopelessness in a patient. For them, it can be like the end of their world and they may dwell too much on the darker part of their life." The doctor's words cleared the haze as she knew him too well. Dwelling over the negative results is his hobby and with the current situation where he hadn't shared anything with anyone, his mind would be a mess.

"Does his parents know everything?"

"Yes, they know that nothing will be life threatening if he survives the surgery but yeah there will be certain limitations added and we've made them aware about it. But... nobody thought he can be scared because of this."

Because nobody knew him the way Khwaab did.

Flashback ends.

"You don't have to be afraid of anything. We will sail through it." She whispered, pressing her lips to his temple.

She was tired, sad and happy all at once, but above all she felt at peace. Peace with the fact that she could convince him, understand his fear and somewhere successful in making him believe that she is here, just for him.

Albeit she assured him that all will be fine but is it so easy just as she's assuming? Or there is more that is there to come her way?

Stay tuned to know more!