Chapter 65 You will change everything, mijo.
CHAPTER 65
You will change everything, mijo.
SCARLETT – POINT OF VIEW
I stagger to my bedroom, eyes burning with tears.
I lock the door and sink to the ground.
Shame curdles in me like milk. Heat creeps up my throat and stops there, a sour film I can’t swallow past.
Oh, God.
What have I done? What have I done? He broke me to pieces with just a flick of his finger, and I shattered like ceramic.
Tears spill from my eyes, and my skin feels too tight, like it has been shrunk without warming, my seams pulling at my ribs.
Roman isn’t going to expose me or throw me in jail. No, he’s going to unravel my perfectly curated world. He’s going to break down, and the worst thing is, I’ll let him, because I believe this is what I deserve, this cruelty.
I know I should bathe, wash away his touch, but I can’t bring myself to get up, so I sit there, holding myself, and I fall asleep, only to fall into a memory.
“What I do isn’t what you will do, mijo,” Papa declares as we step into the car.
I look at him, but stay silent, even as my heart races. I’m fifteen now, bright-eyed, and curious. I know what my father does. I know he doesn’t look it. It was thrust into his unwilling hands by his father, whose father did the same. A cycle of abuse, one disguised as wealth. My father could have been so much, but everything faded away the second he became a Capo, the second he didn’t fight back, and stepped into his father’s shoes.
“You will change everything, mijo.” His tone is made of steel.
I have changed things. I am not a son. I am a daughter, made of him and my mother.
Lately, they’ve been fighting. Mom wants me to go to a Uni in the country, but he wants me to go to Oxford.
There’s something about my Papa; he’s self-aware. He knows my mom could have done so much better; she could have married a Senator, a Professor, even a Dean, rather than a gangster. He doesn’t want me to repeat her mistakes.
Mom doesn’t consider it a mistake, though. She chose Papa. She believes she would have met him even if she remained in Oxford. She believes we are powerless when it comes to love. All we can do is close our eyes and fall. She wants me to stay here so I won’t forsake my heritage and culture as she did.
Their decisions and arguments are borne out of regret and fear. They want to make it right for me. They want to protect me.
“Alright, carino, remember our lessons? Now, drive.”
Theory is different. Now, we’re practising.
My heart is pounding as I hold on to the steering wheel.
We’re on an empty road in the estate. I’m not allowed outside alone.
“Fear makes people sloppy, Rosalina. Breath and drive. I’m here. Nothing will ever harm you as long as I’m here.”
I wake up on the cold ground to knocks on my door.
My lungs pull in air that feels unsatisfying. My chest caves in painfully. My father is gone now, and I’m alone.
“Scarlett? Come on, it’s ten already.” Eve knocks hard.
I pull myself up. My limbs feel waterlogged and my movements delayed. I open the door, and see them standing there.
They frown at me.
“Why are you still in your dress?” Eve asks, worried.
“Are you okay? You have bags under your eyes. Did Roman hurt you?” Elena reaches for me, and my heart breaks.
My eyes burn with tears, but I blink them away.
Before I can respond, Roman’s door opens, and he steps out. Rage coils in me at his sight, and our gazes lock. Anger pours through me in waves, and I don’t break eye contact. He got through me once; he used my body, my needs against me, and now, he will never touch me that way again. I’ll rather die than allow him see me.
“We leave in four hours, nonnegotiable. There’s a six-hour time difference between Milan and New York. We need to get there by four in the morning, so get ready, or I'll drag you.” He warns, eyes darkening.
I don’t respond. I don’t even acknowledge him. I just walk back in, leaving the door open so the girls can come in.
“Did something happen last night?” Eve asks.
I don’t respond. I don’t know how to. What am I supposed to say? He edged me till he got classified information from me? I don’t know what he is going to do with that information. I didn’t go to Oxford as Rosalina Diaz. My identity was covered because of who my father was. I was a different person back then. Scarlett Brooks is not the first identity I’ve adopted. I was raised in a Cartel. I am proficient in the skill of slipping out of bodies and into another.
“We argued, that’s all. I need to bathe, and we can pack after.” I answer vaguely, slipping out of my dress.
“Take your time. We’ll help you pack.” Elena assures me, and I nod.
I take my time in the bathroom, shaving every part of me, washing my hair, and everything else. Then, I notice the auburn in my hair is thinning out, washed and pale at the edges. My roots are showing, jet black.
Fuck.
I’m going to Milan, the hub of the La Cosa Nostra. They probably won’t know who I am, considering Mexico and Italy are far apart, but Papa made friends all around the world. Anyway, I can’t take any chances. With my black hair, I’m a spitting image of my father. I don’t need that recognition, and I don’t want to look like him.
I walk out of the bathroom, holding the towel around me.
“What is it?” Eve frowns.
“I need to dye my hair, right now. I can go to a salon, or something, but I must.” I ramble, pushing back my panic.
“Do you have the hair dye? I’ll help you do it. We’re running low on time, and no salon will take you on such short notice.” Elena interjects, hand on her hips.
I nod and get the hair dye.
Soon, the smell of chemicals fills the bathroom, but we get it done. Unfortunately, my hair comes out sharper than intended, not auburn, ginger, but I’m not complaining.
In three hours, we’re packed and ready. I chose a comfortable outfit, a simple top, and sweatpants.
We didn’t get to curl my hair, but it has some of its natural waves, which is perfect.
Russel, Eve and the other bodyguards from the agency help us carry the luggage downstairs.
I steal a glance at myself and smile. Every part of my identity has been washed away. Grief fills me, but I push it back. At least I have my mother’s eyes.