Sliding my arm around his waist I hold myself to him finally allowing myself to fall asleep in a city that I don't regret leaving. I had been hurt here in more ways than one but I had also been cared for in the same sense. A part of me wanted to go back to see Carllet and see Heidi but I knew walking back into that place would not be healthy for me. Waking up in the morning Ryder isn't here anymore and his scent is light telling me that he hasn't been here for a while now. I wondered what he had to do that was in country that wasn't his besides this ball that I was dreading to no end. Whatever he was doing left an uneasy feeling low in my stomach. I knew I didn't have any reason to worry about my mate but being here I just wish that I had him here by my side. Getting out of the bed I walk over to the wardrobe surprised to see that the bags had been unpacked and hidden deeply in the back. Somebody else had to have done it because I hardly believed that Ryder knew how to fold a shirt his self, let alone hang it and organise it all in the closet. Grabbing a fresh set of clothes I make my way to the adjoined bathroom suite trying not to look out at the now busy morning people of London. The shower isn't as big as the one back at the castle but it's easily more spacious than most showers and the large glass doors face out towards the floor to ceiling windows overlooking the river. Pulling my long locks of hair over my shoulder I let the warm water fall over my face. Allie had a treatment put through my hair twice a week to help add strength and length to it before the coronation. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't push the thought of it back out of my mind. The coronation scared me more than what the wedding did. The dress was bigger and harder to walk in and the lines were harder and had to be recited in Jordenian. All of which I was supposed to do in front of a crowd of over two thousand, including every single Alpha and Luna from across the world and other Kings and Queens of other countries. Ryder helped me through the speech but I don't think he was aware of how I felt about the rest of it and I didn't want to bring it up to him with everything he was going through. The rebels as he had expected had gotten worse with the upcoming possibility of my pregnancy. On average the castle was getting attacked four times a week and every time Ryder was out there fighting them off himself. I hated those times. Everyone tried to get me to relax but all I wanted and needed was to have Ryder with me. It hadn't worried me so much until lately. He seemed to have had it under control but last week the news had gotten back around to me that twenty wolves had died throughout the number of fights and most had young children who were now growing up without their mother or father. Ryder had tried to keep it from me and from the way that I got so worked up about it I was glad that he did. My heart clenched as I came down the stairs into the front foyer part of the castle to see Ryder squatted down in front of two little boys that could have only reached up to his knees if they were lucky. Their mother was stood behind them trying to look strong and prevent tears but her twins were far from it. "Your daddy was a very strong and brave man." He gave them a tense smile as the little boys wiped their eyes. Ryder grimaced at the action. He cared for his pack and all wolves like they were his family. "Did daddy make your proud," the lighter haired boy of the two questions with a sob. Ryder chuckles lightly with a smile stretching across his cheeks. "He made me very proud. He did a very good job." When he says that the little boys fall into a hug their heads resting on his shoulders, he lets them wrap their arms around him and he wraps his around them. "She's very pretty," The darker haired one speaks now pointing his finger towards me. Ryder pulls back from their hug turning to see what the little boy is looking at. He smiles spotting me standing at the bottom of the stairs all four of my guards stood behind me. The boy's mother notices me standing there and as she senses who I am she bows her head at me. Ryder turns back to look at the little boys the smile still on his face. "She is isn't she?" He chuckles again when they nod at him their tears gone. "And I love her and I have to protect her just like you have to protect your mother now and make sure she's happy every day and I think you two are perfect for it." The memory was fond in my mind. I don't know how he could ever doubt how great of a father he would be. He stayed by my side for the hours after I had happened open the heart breaking moment. He'd told me that my reaction was exactly how a queen should react. Someone knocking on the door drags me out of my thoughts. Finally I notice that the skin of my fingers had wrinkled with length of time I had been in the shower. Telling whoever is on the other side of the door I'll be a second I get out of the shower drying myself off with a fluffy towel before I slid on some undergarments before I pull on a dressing gown over the top. Opening the door I'm met by Charlie who isn't facing me at all but towards the room with his back opposite me. "I'm sorry, Lottie, I just wanted to check that you were ok. The water was running for a while and I was getting concerned." "Oh, sorry," I say with a sheepish smile. "I was thinking." I hear him chuckle lightly but he still doesn't turn back to look at me. "I just wanted to check. I will be back out with Theo and Cyrus." He says before he walks from the room. "Wait," at my words he stops and he goes to turn towards me but stops himself. "I'm wearing a dressing gown." I say trying to get him to look at me. "Ryder wouldn't approve of it and I am not about to get on his bad side these days." I scoff at what he says and get his point. "Where are Cole and Reynolds?"