Chapter 121 HEAD FIRST
MERRIELYNN.
Cormac’s mom was dead.
My chest felt tight, and my mind raced. I turned to Emorie.
“When did this happen?” My voice came out in a whisper.
She sighed before answering. “Not too long ago. The reports are everywhere now, but they’re saying she passed about five days ago.”
Five days ago?
Oh Goddess.
I quickly did the math and I realized that that was the day Cormac got called back to the palace.
“So that’s why he left so suddenly?” I asked myself, my voice trembling as the pieces began to click together.
Emorie took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, offering sympathy the best way she could.
I, on the other hand, leaned back against the headboard, the memory of today replaying in my head.
Cormac had come back...different. The Cormac I knew, who always smiled when he saw me, who used to make me feel like I was the only person in the room, seemed to have been replaced.
I remembered the way he ignored me in the hallway, like I was a stranger. And then later, when we spoke at the football field, the coldness in his voice had cut much deeper than his words.
“Was that why?” I muttered, more to myself than Emorie.
Emorie’s eyes softened as she studied me. “What’s going through your mind?” She asked with a slight tilt of her head.
I hesitated as I stared at her. I didn’t want to dump all of this on her, but the thoughts running through my mind felt too heavy to carry alone. I let out a shaky breath and decided to just say it.
“It’s just… everything feels so messed up,” I began, my voice cracking. “Cormac must be devastated. I can’t imagine how much it’s hurting him to lose his mom. But…” I trailed off, staring down at my hands.
“But what?” Emorie prompted gently.
“But I don’t know if that’s really why he’s been acting a type of way,” I admitted, trying not to sound sad. “It’s like he’s not even the same person. And when he ended things with me...” My throat tightened, and I shook my head, trying to hold myself together.Right now, I was holding onto pathetic hope.
Then my shoulders fell.“Maybe he really meant it. Maybe he really is done with me.”
Emorie frowned, her brow furrowing like she was trying to puzzle it out. “Don’t you think he’s acting like this because of grief?”
“I don’t know,” I said, my shoulders dropping. “Losing his mom… that would destroy anyone. It would destroy me if I ever knew mine. AndCormac... I know he loved his mother. So, yeah, I know this must have broken him completely.”
I looked up at her, my eyes pleading for clarity I didn’t have.
What if it wasn’t just that? What if everything he said earlier day was true?
“What if he really doesn’t want me anymore?” I asked aloud.
Emorie quickly shook her head. “Mere, I’ve seen the way he looks at you. There’s no way he’s just... done with you like that.”
I wanted to believe her.
Goddess, I wanted to believe her so badly. But the memory of his cold, hard expression at the field flashed in my mind, and doubt clawed its way back in.
He looked so much like himself on the day he kidnapped me at the start of the school year.
“I don’t know,” I whispered. “I really don’t.”
But before I could dwell on Emorie’s words, the memories of all the times I spent with Cormac hit me.
Every moment I’d shared with him—every kiss, every touch, every whispered promise—lashed at me, leaving a lump in my throat but I forced it down.
How good of a pretender could he really be?
Could someone fake that much warmth, that much love, for so long? The way he used to look at me, like I was his whole world… Was that all an act?
Or was there something bigger to this? Something I wasn’t seeing?
I clenched my fists, my eyes roaming around my bed. The ache in my chest was sharp, but beneath it, I began to feel something else—Determination.
Because, call it self-preservation or just stubbornness, but suddenly, none of this made sense anymore. Not the way Cormac had been acting, not the way he’d ended things. It didn’t add up.
And I wasn’t going to sit here and let the questions eat me alive. I was going to find out the truth.
I stretched my arm over the edge of the bed and grabbed my phone, hesitating for a moment as my thumb hovered over Cormac’s number.
I didn’t know if he’d answer if I called. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure what to say to him. But calling seemed like a better idea than just showing up at his house unannounced.
Did I even have the courage to do that? To face him after the way things ended between us?
My pride screamed at me to leave it alone, to not chase someone who had walked away.
But then I thought about him, alone in his grief, and the fight in me wavered.
I pressed the call button.
It rang. And rang. And rang.
No answer.
I tried again. Nothing.
One more time. Still nothing.
My chest tightened with frustration and I quickly became nervous. He wasn’t going to pick up, and maybe I should take that as a sign to let it go. But something wouldn’t let me.
I stood up, grabbing a hoodie and pulling it over my head. “Emorie,” I said, turning to her, “I need you to drive me.”
She looked up from her spot on the bed, surprised. “Drive you where?”
I hesitated for half a second, then blurted it out. “ToCormac’s place.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “For real?”
I could only nod.
I wasn’t ready to unpack everything with her, not yet. So I gave her the simplest version of the truth. “I just… I think he needs someone. You know, after everything with his mom.”
Em studied me for a moment with obvious concern, “Alright,” she finally said, grabbing her keys. “Let’s go.”
I let out a breath of relief and followed her to the door. She didn’t know about the heartbreak I was carrying, and for now, I’d keep it that way.
It was easier to let her think this was just me wanting to be there for him, not me trying to figure out what was left of us.