Chapter 89 Adeline
Adeline's POV
The elevator ride up to Zara’s penthouse took exactly forty-five seconds. I knew that because I spent every single one of them trying to get my breathing under control.
By the time the doors chimed open, my hands were still shaking so badly I almost dropped my briefcase. I stepped into the foyer with the paper bag of Pad Thai clutched to my chest like a shield, as if that could stop my body from reacting to his.
The apartment was quiet when I stepped in. Zara was sitting cross-legged on the living room rug surrounded by dozens of fabric swatches and fashion sketches. A half-empty glass of wine rested on the coffee table beside her. That was her work mode. I was going to tiptoe past her so I didn't distract her, but it was too late.
She looked up when she heard the lock click. Her sharp eyes scanned me from head to toe, instantly zeroing in on my flushed cheeks and quick breathing.
"You look like one of those war survivors." Zara remarked as she set aside a piece of fabric that was on her lap.
"I just finished a late-night strategy session, and that might even be worse than a war, so you're not completely wrong." I said casually.
"Hmm."
"The integration is a nightmare. It’s exhausting." Zara didn't buy it for a second. She stood up and walked into the kitchen. She peered inside the paper bag, and she wiggled her brows at me.
"Pad Thai from that tiny place in the West Village," she observed and leaned against the marble counter.
"Good observation skill, Z," I said, still refusing to meet her eyes.
"I'm not even done." She cackled like the witch that she was. "They don't do deliveries, my sweet girl, so my question is, did you walk in the rain to get this, Adeline?"
I squeezed my eyes shut. "No."
"So he bought you dinner," Zara concluded, her voice softening just a fraction. "He bought you your favorite food to butter you up, and you ran. " I wondered why she was not a lawyer like I was.
"I had to run, Zara," I whispered, finally giving up the act. "He almost kissed me. He told me to come home, and for one second I almost gave in."
"Would that really be the worst thing in the world?"
My head snapped up in disbelief. "He runs a crime syndicate! He has men with guns standing in the rain outside this building right now just to watch me. I spent my entire childhood hiding from my father and men exactly like that. I can't go back to being in the dark."
Zara sighed and reached out to pour me a glass of wine from the open bottle on the counter.
"Drink," she ordered gently. I did as she said before she confined me. "Adeline, I love you. You are brilliant, and you are brave, but right now, you are being stupid and blind."
I frowned, the exhaustion making my chest ache. "What are you talking about?"
"You walked out of that penthouse because you wanted to live in the light, right? You wanted to be free from the paranoia but look at yourself. Are you actually free?"
The question hit me like a physical blow.
"Since you moved in here, I have watched you jump every time the elevator dings. I watched you hyperventilate because a homeless man looked at you. You walk to work terrified that your father's ghosts are going to drag you into an alley. You aren't living in the light, Adeline. You're just holding yourself hostage to your past."
"I am trying to survive without compromising my morals!" I argued defensively.
"There is no moral high ground when you are not doing it in peace." Zara shot back, slamming her hand flat against the marble. "Percy didn't drag you into the dark. The dark was already hunting you. All Percy did was try to protect you in that darkness, and you're punishing him for it."
Tears pricked the back of my eyes, but I refused to let them fall until I'd made my point.
"He lied to me," I told her. "He promised me clean hands."
"He lied because he knew you would run." Zara countered gently. She walked around the island to wrap her arms around my stiff shoulders. "And you did. But he’s still protecting you anyway. He's standing in that empty office right now, letting you hate him as long as it means you stay breathing. You think he didn't think of this thing you're doing before he made that decision?"
I closed my eyes and let a single tear slip.
"Your choice is killing us both." Percy had whispered to me, and he was right. I thought I was making a point to live an honorable life, but all I was actually doing was torturing the man who loved me while forcing myself to live in a constant state of agonizing fear.
He had remembered my favorite order. He did everything he could just to spend an hour in the same room as me. He had bought a bus ticket for a harmless stalker just to make sure I felt safe.
"What am I doing, Zara?" I choked out, a sob finally breaking free. "I miss him so much."
"I know you do," she murmured, resting her chin on my shoulder. "You are a brilliant lawyer, Adeline, so you know it's time you stop punishing him for being on your side."
I stood there in the quiet kitchen, the absolute truth of her words washing over me. I had a choice to make. I could keep clinging to a fragile illusion of safety, or I could accept the King of New York, blood money and all, and finally let myself be protected and loved."
I wiped the tears from my cheeks. My spine straightened with a new resolve. I didn't want to run anymore.
I pulled away from Zara, grabbed my damp wool coat, and shrugged it back on. Zara watched me with a proud smile. "Where are you going?"
"To finish my late-night strategy session," I said, grabbing my keys.
I didn't wait for the subway this time. I hailed a cab in the pouring rain, my heart hammering against my ribs for the entire ride back to the office.
When I pushed through the revolving glass doors of Royal and Associates, the security guard at the front desk looked up in surprise.
"Forgot something, Miss Volkov?" he asked as I swiped my badge.
"Something like that," I breathed.
I stepped into the private elevator and hit the button for the highest floor. The ascent felt like an eternity.
I thought about all the ways I could apologize and tell him that I was being stupid and that I finally understood.
The realization that he might have gone home didn't even occur to me until the elevator reached up. Slowly and unsure, I stepped out of the elevator. Everywhere was dark, but I could make out the faint light in his office.
I breathed in relief. What I forgot was still there waiting for me to come claim him.