Epilogue

Epilogue
Epilogue

Lauren- One Month Later

I stood in the doorway of Tyson’s room, watching him sleep for a moment. Every rise and fall of his tiny chest made my heart ache for him. Over the last month, I was surprised by how often Jane had come by to see Tyson. Not only that, but Madison, Joey, and Ramira had also been coming with Jane to visit. Seeing them with my son really had me longing for a family. A real family. I hadn’t realized how badly Tyson was missing out on my lack of building a village around him. I thought me, Mason, and Laurel had been enough for him, but seeing him with the others made me realize how much he craved a sense of family that the three of us couldn’t provide.

I sighed deeply as I forced myself away from his door and down to my home office, where I sat at my desk, debating about what I could do to fix everything for Tyson. In order to fix it for him, I had to fix it for myself, and that meant I finally had to honestly deal with the rape that led to conceiving Tyson. I lowered my head as I closed my eyes. Fuck! I hated feeling emotions. They never accomplished anything good. They made you make mistakes. They made you care about people, which almost always led to being hurt. I sighed deeply as I began to tap my fingers on the desk in front of me.

I pulled open the top desk drawer to fish out the business card that Mason gave to me a few weeks earlier. I read the information listed on it for the millionth time before laying it flat on the desk with my hand over it. I wasn’t going to this support group. It was stupid. What could a bunch of whiny women who had been hurt by a man do to help me through my issues? I already had Ramira shrinking me almost on a daily basis. I hadn’t noticed at first, but now I was recognizing it when she was doing it. She wasn’t as slick as she thought she was.

I squeezed my eyes shut again. Well, fuck! This had been my problem over the last month. The bouncing back and forth between wanting to go and not wanting to go. I didn’t want to open myself up to be hurt again, but I also didn’t want to be crushed if I found my soulmate and was too stuck in the past to let him in. Not wanting to be alone had never been a problem until I started watching Laurel and Mason together. They were absolutely the cutest couple I had ever seen, and they gave me hope that I could have everything too. A loving husband, a perfect little son, and the white house with an even whiter picket fence. Maybe even have a tiny little dog running around, yapping at everything that moved. My phone suddenly ringing made me jump halfway out of my skin. I grabbed my phone and groaned when I saw that it was Laurel.

“Hey, sis,” I answered, forcing myself to sound cheery.

“Uh-huh, Lauren! Don’t do that! What’s wrong?! I can feel your sorrow from over here. What are you thinking about that has you so down?” she asked me.

“Nothing. I swear. I just have been thinking about a lot lately,” I told her honestly.

“What have you been thinking about, sis? Come on. Talk to me. It’s better to get it out than to keep it in.”

I groaned as I leaned back in my chair. “You sound like Ramira.”
“Well, she did shrink me for weeks. I’m not surprised,” Laurel laughed. “Come on, Lauren. Talk to me. Is this about the guy that saved you?”

I sighed. “Not entirely.”

“Then what is it?” she pressed.

I hesitated before closing my eyes. “It’s just that seeing you with Mason makes me realize how lonely I am sometimes. Not only that, but having Ramira, Jane, Joey, and Maddie come over to spend time with Tyson makes me realize how much he’s missing out on. He deserves to have cousins, aunts, uncles, a grandmother, and so much more, but I find myself too afraid to let people into our lives, because I’m scared of either of us getting hurt. My fears should never be pushed off on him. He’s innocent. I don’t want to be the one that steals that from him. Mine was stolen from me, and I’ll be damned if I let anyone, including me, turn Tyson into someone who is afraid of life. He doesn’t deserve that. Not at all.”

She was quiet for a long moment before sighing. “So, what are you saying?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll talk to Ramira about really starting therapy. Do you think she’d see me?” I asked.

“Yeah, I do, but I also know that she’d recommend you to go to a sexual abuse survivor support group. Before you say anything, I’m well aware of what you think about support groups, but I also know that the one I joined helped me out a lot. It really gave me hope that I was not alone in my struggles. You can go once and not go back if you don’t like it. Just give it a try. And I do mean to give it a real try. Don’t just go with the intent of saying, ‘I went. It didn’t do anything.’ Really give it a chance. Talk. Listen.”

“Laurel, I know it worked for you, but I don’t think it will work for me. You were always more ready to embrace your emotions than I was,” I replied.

“Look, Lauren, you can do this. Please, just go once. I’ll even go with you. I know a really good group that I think would be very beneficial to you.”

I groaned as I picked up the business card on my desk. Caleb Jensen. Why did that name bring up such deep seated comfort for me? I didn’t know any Caleb Jensens. Maybe I had just looked at the card one too many times. “Okay, Laurel, I’ll go. But I want to go alone.” I looked back down at the card. “And I’m choosing my own group…”