Chapter 15 — The Fall

Emre turned over my hand, which had been lying on the sand beside him, and held it in his.

I couldn't pull away from him anymore.

That was my problem: I'd never been able to pull away from him, not before...

And not now.

I sighed and looked at his face in profile, looking out to sea.

There had been so many times when I'd yearned to look at him, feel him beside me.

I'd wanted him so badly I still had dreams where I sometimes fell into the past again and got up again to an empty bed.

There had been days when I hadn't thought of him, nights when I'd fallen asleep peacefully. But then suddenly, out of the blue, something would remind me of him again—a food, a song, a thought—and I'd be back to square one, crying in my bedroom, muffling the sounds with a pillow and masking my forlorn face with makeup in the morning.

I looked away, unable to face the present and the past melding into one.

"Emre…"

He looked at me, expecting me to ask him about the tattoo.

At the last moment, I chickened out; I didn't want to destroy what we had now.

"What did you want to show me?" I asked instead.

Emre shook his head and then, as if remembering, said, "Oh yeah."

He stood up and dusted the sand off of him.

"C'mon, let's go before it gets dark," he said, and taking me by both arms, he stood me up and started dusting sand off of me.

I was flabbergasted; it was like we were together again.

He was touching me and looking at me as if we'd gotten back together again.

How could that be?

My pathetic heart told me to be quiet and let him do what he wanted, but my mind was another story.

Emre took my hand in his and started to lead me away from the coastline towards the dense patch of trees that made up most of the island. 

"Where are we going?"

"Do you trust me?" he answered my question with a question.

"I don't want to answer that" I made a face.

"I know the answer even If you refuse to say it, good enough for me."

I kept pace with him, following him, and didn't say anything the rest of the way.

What could I say? I knew myself.

I knew what capacity I had, what I was made up of.

I knew my limits.

My defenses were down and out, likely never to return for the foreseeable future.

I would go with him wherever he wanted, whenever he wanted.

I would follow him to the ends of the Earth.

Emre made the journey easier. He cleared our path, holding branches over my head away and helping me step over large stones. 

I thought that it was a shame that he hadn't been able to clear away the misunderstandings in our relationship. He hadn't been as accommodating back then.

We walked along so far; I thought we would just end up on the other side of the island and on the coast again.

The way started to clear suddenly, and I could hear the sound of rushing water from somewhere.

I looked at Emre and gave him a curious look. 

There were small plants everywhere, not like the rest of the island plants along the way we'd come but beautiful dark green shrubs and flowers.

The roaring sound intensified as we walked forward into the greenery, and I smiled when I saw the amazing scenery around me, but then my smile died in shock.

There it was, as shocking as finding an oasis in the middle of the desert, a waterfall.

It was breathtaking, and I just stood still, not even believing such a beautiful place existed beyond movies and imagination.

The waterfall was almost 50 feet and seemed to be coming out of thin air, making a sound that was as impressive as the water falling on the pristine water of a natural pool that looked so ethereal it could have been a picture.

The fading light cast a faint rainbow over the waterfall, making the scene seem almost too perfect for words. 

Birds flew all around the nearby trees and sat on rocks, making it seem like the place was impossibly remote, a place never seen or touched by humans.

Emre pulled me forwards, startling me, and my eyes locked with him. 

"It's beautiful," I laughed in delight.

He laughed in return, and the sound melded in beautifully with the sound of the water falling onto the rocks.

I felt like every minute was torture, like I losing a battle against myself.

I was losing myself.

I was in danger of falling, falling for him again.

Like the water falling onto the rocks, destroying itself without caution. 

Just like it didn't have a choice, neither did I. I would hurt myself again. 

I knew that.

And yet I persisted.

Because I knew the fall wasn't as worse as regretting that I never took the leap.