148: Messy Is Our Default

148: Messy Is Our Default
RUE

I was halfway through my second bowl of popcorn when I dialed Adrian's number again. It went straight to voicemail, just like the other probable one hundred and twenty-two times I'd called.

I wasn't allowed to panic. Nope. I needed to keep my cool and focus on the TV screen because my life depended on it. A heart attack was looming close by after all.

Suddenly, the front door jerked open. I sat up with wide eyes, my heart racing in my chest at the sight of him. Adrian.

He was holding a hand to his prosthetic eye, and I could smell the coppery scent of blood on his black clothes. Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I moved towards him.

"Why didn't you pick up my calls? I thought you were dead," I said, my voice cracking at the end of my statement.

His green eye widened in surprise.

"Rue... I'm sorry, I lost my phone. I'm sorry for worrying—"

I didn't let him finish his statement. Instead, I threw myself into his arms.

I pressed my cheek against his chest and felt the wild beat of his heart.

He bent his head and rested his chin against me. With one hand at the back of my neck and one arm folding over me, he drew me tighter until all I could see and feel was him. I had a sudden, ridiculous urge to catalogue the exact shape of him: the set of his mouth, his scars, and everything that defined him.

A ridiculous laugh tumbled from my lips. "We used to stalk each other, remember? Like criminals with a crush and too much time."

How did we become this? How did the watchers turn into the sanctuary?

He let out a small sound that might have been a laugh. "Toxic," he said. "Both of us. Poisoned in our own unique ways."

He couldn't be more right.

I pressed my palm to his chest and felt the muscle under my hand, strong and certain.

"What do I do? I think I'm in trouble," I whispered.

He let out a breath that might have been a laugh. "You're... the kind of wrong that makes everything feel right."

I tilted my head back and found his line of sight. His green eye looked dark with desire.

"Rue," he said. He sounded breathless, a strange expression of realization settling over his beautiful features.

"I'm in love with you."

I froze.

My mouth went dry instantly.

"What?" I croaked, my heart threatening to leap out of my chest.

His hand glided down my spine, slowly. "I know it sounds like a vandalism confession," he said. "Like a criminal admitting to theft. But it's not theft, Rue. It's... I carry you. Like a map I learned by heart. I know the way your laugh breaks on the second syllable. I know the way you fold your hands when you're lying. You're like a talisman in my heart."

I swallowed past the lump in my throat. I always knew he was good with words. But this was unexpected.

Letting out a shaky breath, he cupped my face. Then he rested his forehead against mine.

"When I say I love you, I mean the small things and the monstrous ones. I mean the way my mind keeps the sound of your breathing like a lighthouse when a storm roars in my head. I mean that I would build walls and burn them down and build them again if it'll keep you safe. I mean that if the world asked me to choose between doing the right thing and being with you, I would burn the rightness to the ground."

I wanted to say something witty. Instead I let my trembling fingers trace a line along his jaw.

"You always choose violence as affection," I grinned.

He smiled then, and it softened him in a way I hadn't expected. "I chose you," he whispered. "Choosing you is the only violence I've ever meant to commit."

My chest hurt from emotions so intense, they stole my breath away.

"Adrian," I breathed. "You know this is... messy."

He chuckled. "Messy is our default setting," he said.

"I can't believe we went from stalking to this," I said, more to myself than to him. The absurdity was beyond insane.

What was I supposed to tell my future children? I fell in love with your dad in the process of stalking each other?

...

"Rue Anastasia Cross!"

I gasped, holding a hand to my chest, pivoting at the sound of my mother's voice. I'd just sneaked into my father’s house, hoping to hide away in my room with no one noticing. Guess that was a bad idea.

My mum stood there, her arms folded across her chest. She looked pissed. Shit.

"Were you seriously thinking of sneaking in just like that?" She demanded, folding her arms across her chest.

"Sorry. I didn't want to stir up any trouble," I winced.

"Oh really? Where was your peacemaking skill when you made an enemy wicked enough to put you on a hit list?"

I turned to see my dad descending the stairs with a glass of whiskey in his hand.

"Dad," I smiled awkwardly, uneasy.

"You and your brother nearly killed me, do you realize that?" He said calmly, and I shook my head, my eyes wide with horror.

"That was never my intention, I swear," I said.

He eyed me for a moment, a blank look on his face.

"Where is that boyfriend of yours?" He asked, and panic washed over me.

"He didn't do anything. Come on, Dad!" I exclaimed.

"He put my little girl in danger. Of course he did something," he said, and I winced.

"It wasn't his fault. Besides, I'm no longer targeted. He sorted things out."

Dad blinked at me. "How?"

"I don't know; he just did. He showed me a confirmation letter," I mumbled.

"Was it signed with red?" He asked, and I nodded.

He exchanged glances with my mum. Then he sighed. "Invite him over for dinner."

My eyes widened. "Really?"

….

I lay back on my mattress and stared at the ceiling. My phone lit up in my hand. Trying not to grin like a lovestruck fool, I dialed Adrian's number and waited. It rang once, and he picked up right away.

"Hey." The familiar sound of his voice made my stomach flutter.

"Hey." I propped the phone on my ear. "There’s dinner tonight. Dad invited you.”

There was a pause long enough for my heartbeat to speed up. "Dinner?"

"Yeah. He wants to see you again. Mum too." I tried to make it casual, but I could feel the edge in my voice.

Adrian breathed out. "I—okay. I can come."

"You sound nervous."

He let out a brittle laugh. "I am. Your father has a glare that could melt diamonds."

"I'll tell him to use it lightly." I smiled even though he couldn't see me.

"Rue," he said, his voice softer now. "I'm... worried."

"About me?"

"About being invited into your family as if I'm normal." He swallowed. "I don't do normal, Rue. My family dinners always end with…disaster.”

My chest tightened. It hurt me to see how deeply his own family had hurt him.

"You can fake it for one night." I kept my voice steady. "We'll survive."

There was another pause. Then I heard him shift. "You'll put in a good word, right? Say I'm human? Can they take it easy on me?”

"You already are my mess." I laughed. "That'll be enough.”

He snorted. "Wow. What a brilliant endorsement."

My sweet man.

Under all that danger and the scars, he was still mine.

“By the way, how did you—how did you get the kill order removed?"

He went silent. It made my stomach tighten.

"Adrian?"

He chuckled, the sound thin. "Can't spoil all my secrets, Rue. I have to spare you from certain things.”

"Tell me," I said. "I was on the hit list. I need to know."

"Nope." He laughed again. "You worry too much. Trust me, it's handled."

"You always say that." My fingers curled into the sheets.

"It's true." He sighed.

"Fine. Promise me you’ll show up.” I said, blinking up at the ceiling. "Be safe."

"I will. You too." He hesitated. "And Rue?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you.”

My heart skipped a beat. Maybe two.

The line ended before I could say it back. Part of me knew why. He didn’t think I’d say it to him. Neither did he think he could truly be loved. And that broke my heart.

The bedroom door swung open.

Lucia strolled in, her arms full of laundry. She tossed a shirt onto my chest and flopped beside me. Her hair was the kind of messy that looked deliberate. Her feet dangled off the bed.

"You called him again, didn't you?" she asked, already grinning.

"Shut up." I grabbed a shirt and pulled it over my face.

"Nope." She shoved my phone away from my face and peered at the screen. "Adrian? The dangerous, broody Adrian?"

"He's not that dangerous."

"He is." She sat up and poked my cheek. "You. Anti-love, Rue. Saying men are trouble. And now you're all gooey?“

"I never said I was anti-love." I pulled the shirt down and glared at her.

"Whatever." She flicked my nose. "You're in love. Admit it."

"I'm not—"

"You are." Lucia laughed. "This is happening. Finally. The great Rue falls."

"Shut up, Lucia." I shoved her lightly.

She ducked and laughed. "Can’t wait for dinner tonight. I'll be the one to watch your back while you fumble through family civility. This is going to be good."

I rolled my eyes, turning away from her. I needed to let Adrian know that I…

I was in love with him.

I’d always been. Even when all we did was text.