12: Sucker For Brooding Psychopaths
ALEXA
I was pacing like a lunatic. Back and forth. Then back again. The floor probably hated me by now. My flip-flops made a soft sound against the marble with every furious step, and I imagined Killian's cold, perfect face beneath each one.
I was so sick of his games.
The photo trembled in my hand, and somehow, I just couldn't get the image out of my head.
It was the kind of photo couples take when they think forever is still a thing. It made no sense. Just like the fact that I had shot him, and yet... there had been love in his eyes. Genuine affection.
A girl who looked like me smiling so brilliantly while she was latched onto Killian. And the worst part was that girl was me. I don't recall ever smiling that widely ever since I lost my memory.
That said a lot about my mental state.
The ledger was hidden under my pillow. Poorly hidden, I'll admit. Not because I was bad at keeping secrets. But because my brain had short-circuited the moment I saw those symbols and codes. They looked like gibberish. Which made them dangerous. Men like Killian didn't write in code unless they were hiding sins darker than spilled blood.
The door slammed open.
I didn't jump.
Okay, I almost jumped, but I recovered like a pro.
Killian stormed in with a wild look in his blue eyes. He'd probably realized I'd taken the ledger.
Well, shit.
"Where is it?" He demanded.
I stayed silent.
"I told you not to go through my things," he hissed, annoyance flashing in his eyes.
"And I told you I wasn't a pet," I shot back.
We stood there, heat boiling the space between us.
"You wanted to keep me blind," I snapped. "And obedient. Easy to manipulate."
His jaw flexed. "I wanted to keep you safe."
"No," I said, stepping forward. "You wanted to control me."
Silence hung heavy in the air between us.
"I don't know who I am in your world, Killian," I whispered, the photo limp in my hand now. "Am I a weapon? A wife? A prisoner?"
He sighed, running a hand over his face.
"You're not a prisoner," he said. "But I can't promise that you're safe from me either."
I wanted to scream. I wanted to tear the room apart because I hated that I felt like a mouse in a trap. Killian reached for my hand and took it, our gazes locked.
And for once, there wasn't war between us. Just... exhaustion.
A single tear escaped my eye, and he wiped it away with his thumb.
God help me, I let him.
Then I did the stupidest thing I've done since signing that marriage contract. I leaned forward and rested my forehead against his chest.
He didn't pull away.
Neither did I.
And for one stupid, fleeting breath, it almost felt safe.
But safety was a lie. And so was this moment.
Still, I whispered into the silence, "Can I leave the house? Just for a few hours."
I needed to not feel like a caged animal because it reminded me of the kind of life Vincent had forced me to live.
He pulled back slightly, just enough to look at me.
And then, he nodded.
“The ledger…I want it back,” he finally said and I frowned, gesturing at my pillow. I watched him grab the ledger, unsure if this was a risk I was willing to take. Vincent could have my head for this. Unless…Killian keeps his word and protects me.
...
The next morning, I dragged myself downstairs, wearing leggings and an oversized hoodie. A part of me felt as though last night had been nothing more than a fever dream. It had felt unreal.
But none of that mattered now because I was starving, and I hoped Killian would keep his word and let me go out today.
What I didn't expect was the sight of the woman already lounging on the velvet couch like she owned the place.
She was chewing gum, one leg thrown over the other, massive gold hoops glittering on her ears. Her head was shaved on both sides, the top braided thickly, and tattoos crawled down both of her arms. She was wearing a sleeveless hoodie and black cargo pants.
She turned slowly when she heard me approaching. Her grey eyes were piercing and sharp.
"Well, well," she drawled lazily. "The bride's up."
I blinked. "And you are?"
She popped her gum. "Rayne. With a 'y', not an 'i'. Try to remember that if I ever have to kill someone for you."
I squinted. "Comforting."
She grinned, her tongue poking her cheek. "You're smaller than I expected. But the attitude makes sense."
Before I could answer, I saw another man heading up the stairs. He was just as heavily tattooed. But he looked like a freaking bouncer.
"That's Adam. He's here to give our boss a report," Rayne said.
Right. Just another normal Thursday in mafia land.
Rayne waved a hand at the ridiculous chandelier above us. "Do you hate it here yet?"
"Deeply," I said.
She snorted. "Good. You've got taste."
I studied her. "Let me guess, you're the muscle with a moral code and a secret heart of gold?"
She barked out a laugh. "Babe, I once stabbed a guy with a dessert fork because he disrespected Killian's deal. The only gold on me is in these hoops."
I liked her immediately.
We fell into a strange silence, the kind that wasn't awkward, just... tense in a promising way.
She looked me up and down. "So. What's your deal?"
"What makes you think I have one?"
She raised a brow. "You married him. Trust me, you've got a deal. Whether you know it or not."
I shrugged. "Maybe I'm just a sucker for brooding psychopaths with too much money and emotional constipation."
Rayne cackled. "Oh, honey. If you can survive K's brand of brooding, you might actually make it around here."
"I'm not trying to make it," I muttered, sinking into the seat across from her. "I'm just trying to make sense of why my life exploded."
She leaned forward with her elbows on her knees, her gum cracking loudly between her teeth. "Look. I'm loyal to Killian. Always have been. But if you're not dead yet, and you're sitting here instead of being dumped in a river, that means he doesn't see you as just a pawn."
"He hasn't said that."
"He doesn't need to. He brought you in, married you, and he's letting you breathe in his space. You think that man lets anyone do that?"
I didn't answer.
She tilted her head. "Are you scared of him?"
I met her gaze. "Only when I'm not angry at him."
Her grin returned. "Damn. I really am gonna like you."
I stretched my legs, picked up one of the grapes from the tray on the table, and popped it into my mouth.
"Tell me, Rayne. How many women has Killian introduced to his inner circle before?"
She snorted. "None. You're the first."
My hand froze mid-air.
She winked and tossed another grape into her mouth. "So congrats, wifey. You're officially someone valuable to the group."
Before I could answer, the smell of a familiar cologne filled the air.
Killian.
He was standing there in a dark blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up his forearms. The first four buttons were undone, and he looked like he hadn't slept last night. Even so, he pulled off that sexy, rugged look effortlessly.
His eyes swept over Rayne for a second, and he gave her a silent nod. Then they landed on me.
And stayed there.
God, those eyes will be the death of me. My stomach flipped as he approached, still watching me so intensely, heat crept up my neck.
"Alexa," he said, his lips twitching. "You've got something here."
He pointed to the corner of my mouth. My fingers instantly flew to the spot. "What—?"
He let out a low chuckle. "I thought I saw drool."
I glared at him, annoyed. "I hate you."
"Lie better."
And damn it, my traitor heart was racing.
He towered over me now, and when I rose to my feet too, intending to put distance between us, all I did was bring myself closer.
He reached up slowly and brushed a loose strand of hair away from my face. His fingers lingered longer than they needed to.
And the worst part was that I didn't stop him.
"You said you wanted to go outside," he murmured.
I stiffened. "You're letting me?"
His lips curved slightly. "Not quite. I have something to keep you busy."
"Define 'busy'," I said, narrowing my eyes.
He smiled.
It wasn't the warm or kind type of smile. It was the same wolfish, calculated smile he wore when something dangerous slithered through his mind.
"You'll see," he said, already turning away from me.
"Killian," I hissed, tension winding through my spine. "What is it?"