110-Unbelievably Real

**PIPPA**

I am glad of the chair in the hallway, next to the console table. I fall into it, clasping my hands under my arms.

My stepfather’s voice may have disappeared with his death, but the outlet of my anxiety prevails.

Xaver had told me he will start therapy and I am too. I need a professional to help me cope with my anxiety... *and* my trust issues. It is time to break away from the anchors of my past so I can concentrate on my future.

When I look up and see Xaver smiling at me, ready to support me in any decision I make, I know everything will be all right.

***

What starts off with a phone conversation quickly turns to a video chat. I feel like I am having an out-of-body experience, meeting my family for the first time.

They named my brother, Samuel, after my father. The two men are carbon copies. Both have the same strong, handsome features and dark skin and eyes. Samuel, seventeen and full of energy, wants to follow in my father’s footsteps and join the military. From there, he plans to study engineering; just like my dad.

My mother is more like me than I could have imagined. In looks and ways. I am put at ease within two minutes of hearing her voice.

Mama C, apparently, wasn’t quite what I thought. ICE had rounded up my mother at the diner she worked at along with a few other immigrants. What *wasn’t* true, is that my father had left her.

When he found out she was pregnant, he went into the military to give us a stable life. He sent his pay to my mother to save, so that when he got out, they could buy a home and get married.

*“Cassidy Weathers loved you, girl,” My mother said in her beautiful, lilting voice. “Perhaps too much. The immigration let me go after a few days, and when I came back, you were both gone. I looked all over for you… your father and I both did. We couldn’t find you because she had given you her first maiden name, the one that was annulled when she was a teen. She also made you out to be a year younger than you are.”*

That Mama C low-key kidnapped me will take a while to wrap my head around. It is one of the first things I plan to discuss with my therapist. I also find it freaky that I am closer to twenty-four than twenty-three. At least my real birthdate of March 28th is not too far off from the fake one of April 5th.

I told Xaver I wanted a party on *both* birthdays.

He just laughed.

My family is coming to New York after Christmas. We will celebrate New Year’s with them, Xaver’s family, Justice, Bobby, and Jenna.

And I can hardly wait.

***Two and a half weeks later...***

I read the same passage in my e-book at least five times before I give up. I cross my legs and jitter my foot at the ankle, impatient for my parents and brother to arrive.

Xaver had them flown in on his private jet. He said it was to make a good impression.

I told him he was showing off.

He had given me a sly grin, right before he had kissed the sass from my mouth.

Laying my e-reader on the couch, I get up to stand by the window. The snow, falling in a heavy sheet, makes me tap my foot with impatience.

*How I wish for a clear blue sky and clean streets.*

Xaver texted me over an hour ago, saying the plane had landed safely.

*They should be here by now.*

Instead of twisting my hands, I do the breathing exercise my therapist taught me. A slow inhale, and even slower exhale. For over a minute, I think of nothing but a peaceful blue sea and a white sandy beach. I let one thought enter my mind instead of dozens of worries.

*Alfonso is a great driver. The best. He will make sure—*

The front door opens and I hear *her.* My mother’s voice is so like my own.

“Where is she?” she asks.

I smooth down my skirt, adjust my blouse and pat my hair, wondering what my mother will make of me. Wondering what I should call her. She sometimes calls me Evelyn or Evie, the name she gave me at birth, but we haven’t established her title.

Or her role in my life.

With my heart pounding, I take a few hesitant steps forward. She is in the doorway before I make it halfway across the room.

We stare at each other.

It is as if time stands still. My ears heat warm. The smile that creases my face makes my cheeks go numb.

After a few more seconds, we run into each other’s arms, laughing and talking at the same time.

She feels strong and good and smells so sweet.

“Evie, girl, you are gorgeous— “

“—Mama,” I say without hesitation. “I look so much like you!”

My dad and brother come in and I hug them, one at a time. I am crying and laughing while Xaver looks on. I grab a hold of his shirt and pull him in our circle, wanting him to be part of this bittersweet moment. Bitter, because we have lost so much time. Sweet, because we have so much to look forward to.

Mrs. Lettner comes in with a push tray of coffee, tea and water. While Xaver occupies Samuel and Dad, I pull Mama to the side.

She is everything I had imagined. She is a few inches shorter than me. Her skin a few shades lighter. Her dark hair, pulled back in a bun like my own, is a mass of tight curls that contain a few strands of silver.

For a few moments, I do nothing but smile, taking her in as if she will disappear. Then, I remember my vow. It prompts me to speak. What comes out aren‘t the most eloquent words, but they are heartfelt. “Thank you, Mama. Despite what Mama C did and… how her last husband treated me…” I break off when my mother’s face tightens in anger.

Guilt and shame rise within me. I avert my eyes and hang my head.

As she takes me in her arms, stroking my hair, she softly sings a tune in a language I have never heard.

I let her voice wash over me and do my breathing exercise again, forcing the calm to reduce the guilt and shame to ash. I learned in therapy that my reaction is stup—*not stupid*—but *common* among abuse victims.

For a long time, I had thought in some measure, that what my stepfather did was my fault. Slowly, I am learning to place his deeds on *his* doorstep and not my own. It will take time to let go of the thoughts and feelings of rage, betrayal, shame, and guilt. I will get there though. I am determined to do so for my future husband and for our children.

______

Just the epilogues left :)