106-Voluntary Taxes

**PIPPA**

I am in the kitchen helping Sally clean the last of the dinner dishes when Xaver comes in. I don’t have to turn around. I recognize his footfalls as he crossed the living room. I heard his deep rumble as he greeted his father. I felt his gaze roam over my body, making my skin tingle from five feet away.

On the day I arrived here from the hospital, he called the house, wanting to speak to me. To not put my hosts in the middle, I accepted his call.

He was business-like—in tone and words.

*“We need to talk, Pippa.”*

I have to admit when I left the hospital, my anger made me walk that thin line between love and hate. I had crossed to the dark side more than the light. If Xaver had called right then, I would have given him directions straight to hell.

The first thing Sally did, was to direct me to his old room, reiterating that I could stay as long as I wanted.

What I *wanted* to do was leave. *Immediately.*

Xaver *surrounded* me in that room. My head was full of *him.*

How could it not be as stuck my hand in his old baseball glove? Stood in silent awe at the many trophies on a shelf? Counted the number of times he was featured in all four of his high school yearbooks?

Yes, love was wining.

And I didn’t want it to.

So, I stopped snooping and started unpacking, yanking open the top drawer of a cupboard…

Only to find a Teddy bear.

It was worn.

It was old.

And it was loved.

There were bald patches in its fur and an ear was missing—the hole it left behind, haphazardly sewn shut with black thread.

*Sally would never have such careless needlework. Xaver had to have done it.*

My anger fled as my heart melted like an ice cube in the sun.

The boy who had loved this bear, who cared enough to make his Teddy whole by healing its wound, was capable of fierce love.

I had caught a glimpse of it in the remorse his eyes projected as I berated him at the hospital.

I owed it to our children to hear him out. Refusing to see him would have been childish and stupid. If he wants to be a part of the children’s lives, we have a good eighteen years ahead of us. It is imperative we start off on the right foot.

“Okay. When?”

“Thursday is best for me. In the evening.”

“I will see you then.”

He ended the call. I was glad he had. As the image of the bear lept in my mind, the words *I miss you* had almost jumped from my tongue.

Now that he is here, it is time to make things… cordial, if not exactly ironed-out between us.

Sally squeezes my arm. “Pippa, I will be in the other room, okay?”

“Okay, Sally.”

She nods at her son as she passes him on her way out.

I haven’t relayed anything to Xaver’s parents about that night, except to say we had argued and that Craig had been lying in wait to attack me. Sally must have gotten the full story from someone. The expression she had aimed at her only offspring was anything but kind.

He sits at the table, turning the chair around to straddle it, gripping the back with his hands.

I am a bit…sad that he hasn’t tried to touch me.

I know I shouldn’t be thinking along those lines. But I can’t help it.

Sophia was right. Love doesn’t disappear overnight. It wells up and flows through my body like a hormonal wave of heat, lighting up my eyes and insides.

“How are you?” he says, his gaze traveling from my face to my belly.

“We are fine. How are you?”

He ignores my question and says, “Max and Jetta are in town. They asked about you.”

I already know. Jetta has texted me half a dozen times. I haven’t texted her or *anyone.* My phone has been blowing up with messages from Justice, Jenna, Kat, Darla, Nahla and Devan. Also, from a few people I met in California and other divisions of The Sayle Group. One day soon, I will text them back. Right now, I don’t have the heart.

*Xaver has taken it with him.*

“Tell them I said ‘hello.’ Tell them I am sorry I won’t be there.” I flicker my gaze to his before I drop it to my entwining fingers. “And I am sorry I won’t be there to make sure nothing goes wrong.”

The launch is the day after tomorrow. After all the work I put into it, it kills me not to go. How can I, given the fact I don’t work for him anymore?

*I wish we hadn’t gone wrong.*

“That is what I wanted to talk to you about,” Xaver says and my heart leaps, thinking he is going to talk about us. About the babies. About our future.

“I want you to come to the launch.”

My heart sinks.

He is not asking me back. He is not asking to try again.

I force my eyes to lift and meet his. I still my hands. Using the tactic his Aunt Leslie used on me during my interview, I hold his gaze without a word, even as those light-green eyes soften and glow.

He goes on with a slight tremor in his voice. “Uh, Alfonso is… away, but I will have a car pick you up and take you back here. I just thought, ah… thought you should see the fruit of your labor.”

With the subtle shift of his eyes and the softening of his mouth, I seize on what he isn’t saying. “Where is Alfonso?”

He doesn’t answer. *Weighing his words, I suspect.*

It must be bad news.

My heart seizes with fear. My stepfather is due to be arrested soon.

*Did he somehow—*

“I’m looking for your mother.”

Those are the last words I expected to come from his mouth.

They almost leave me speechless.

*Almost.*

“You… what?!”

“I began to look for her when I spent the night at your place. After LA.”

“But… why? We weren’t even together then. Why would you do that?”

He rises from his seat and heads to the door. Before it swings shut behind him, he says, “That’s what love does.”