Chapter 19

SONDER: THE REALIZATION that each random passerby is living a life a vivid and as complex as your own - populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries, and inherited craziness - an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you will never know existed, in which you might appear once (or maybe none) as an extra sipping of coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a window at dusk.

I felt deep sonder sitting in Calculus on a Monday morning.

All of these people, or rather none of these people knew of my eventful weekend getaway. As they all had their individual lives. So it didn't matter if I stepped into Calculus more glowing than usual, neither did it matter that I now had a supply of prostitute clothes hidden in my wardrobe. I smiled to myself as I took a seat by Emily.

"Hey," she greeted me.

"Morning," I chirped back.

"How are you this happy on a Monday morning?" She frowned, not in a judgmental way, just in a matter-of-fact way. I doubt this person was capable of anything that required real brain power. But again, she was probably faring better than me in Calculus so who was I to harbor such egoistic faculties?

"I just did my homework so I'm proud of myself," I finally said in reply to Emily's statement.

"Ew, you Faction Five people..." Emily scrunched her features up. "Only you would find joy in completed homework."

For a few moments I actually forgot this toxic, totalitarian system existed. A smile was all I managed to communicate before Ms. Elliot stepped in with five inch heels. Really made one wonder who the fuck she was trying to impress.

When I stared ahead, guess whose head I saw - Jaxon's. The sight of his head instantly undid all the feelings of joy that spending a weekend with Elias did to me. My features morphed from a smile to a scowl.

"Hey, Emily, can we swap seats?"

Jaxon seemed to tense, as though he heard my outlandish request.

"Why?" The blonde returned. Not maliciously, simply curious. She was already pushing her things to my desk before I could deign her with a response.

"Thanks," I whispered as we got up to swap our seats. We garnered some stares. But ultimately, no one dared to question. Except Ms. Elliot who hated me because I was half German. Little did I know, xenophobic and racist corkscrews were turning in her head as a plan to ruin my life formed in her brain.

"I hate the aisle seat anyway. Like, I can't even text in class," Emily rolled her eyes.

I laughed lightly. But on the inside, I felt a deep sense of relief. Whenever I looked ahead, I no longer needed to stare at the back of Jaxon's head. But my happiness was VERY short lived. I was just beginning to enjoy the back of Jaxon's partner's head when Ms. Elliot called for our attention.

"I notice some of you," her eyes zeroed in on me. "Talk too much with your seatmates. In light of this, I want to impose something new. Everyone in this classroom sits in pairs. Can all persons on the right move one seat behind?"

My jaws visibly parted.

"It'll help some people focus better. None of that sitting with your best friend nonsense in this class. You're all here to learn. If you think you're here to socialize then you are wrong. This isn't a nightclub."

I wanted to bury myself in a hole as students reluctantly began to move. Each screech of a student's chair made me wince. Before long, Emily, the sweet girl I was just getting to know disappeared. And in her place sat delectable Jaxon Ortega who I refused to acknowledge.

"Andrea," he greeted diplomatically.

"Jaxon." I hissed back.

I wasn't looking at him so I couldn't see his response. The rest of Calculus passed with me trying my ultimate best not to give in and stare at him. He stared at me twice though, this much I could glean from my peripheral vision. At the rate I was going I knew I would have strong peripheral muscles at the end of the semester. Because I just won't give him the satisfaction of turning to look at him. I won't.

When class ended, I rushed out of the classroom, I half expected him to follow. But he didn't. It left me slightly disappointed.

✖

Dr. Nguyen wasn't present in Chemistry today. We had a substitute. I wasn't entirely sure how subs at Richmond Park Academy worked but back in the public school I hailed from, subs basically live to get bullied. In every way. It always kicks off with verbal bullying, smart mouths would team up to ask the sub difficult questions that are impossible to answer. When that gets boring, they like to move onto mental bullying where they make the sub feel incapable and helpless (and possibly fired) by creating chaos in the classroom. It gets physical afterwards. I'm talking about the stationery wars and the textbook wars which are as brutal as they sound.

"Hello Elias," I greeted as I plopped down beside the male.

"Heya," he flashed me a smile. "How's your day?"

"Kind of boring. Yours?"

"You wanna go to a party tonight?" Elias asked instead.

"Huh?" I laughed nervously. "P-Party?"

"Yep!" He nodded after popping the P. "A p-party. But forget everything you know about parties. Here at RPA, let's just say we give a new definition to parties."

"Sounds frightening..."

Elias winked. "You in?"

"Uh..." I dragged the syllable as I thought about my Physics project and my unfinished Calculus homework. But as much of a changed person I am, I couldn't deny the fact that I was curious to see what kind of definition RPA gave to 'parties'. "What time is it?"

"Any time after the sky turns dark! It ends when the horizon turns yellow." Elias replied. "Come on, everyone's going. You can't miss parties. The more the merrier."

"It's kind of a Monday though."

"Really, Andrea?" He gave me a dead panned expression.

"Fine. I'll go."

Elias looked like he would hug me if we weren't in the middle of a Chemistry class. We had a sub though, who didn't seem to mind the noise everyone was making.

"Cool beans," Elias said. "Also, you asked about my day? My day was good."

"Imagine not having a good day if I looked like that," I muttered to myself.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"Did you just call me hot?"

"Are you going to write this in your diary?"

Elias laughed. "I like you. You're funny."

I... of course fucking blushed.

"Funny isn't what people would usually call me. But thanks."

He bumped me with his elbow. Not violently, gently so one would know it had a playful undertone. I bumped him back instinctively - perhaps harder than I intended to.

"Ow," he said under his breath. "Can we save the BDSM for behind closed doors?"

"Christians like you would justify Jesus's death by saying it's BDSM," I scoffed.

Elias's smile became tight lipped. Conversation ended there and then.

✖

I did have a long debate with myself this evening. While a party may not be what I needed, it certainly wouldn't hurt to... let loose for a while. Besides, it wasn't like I was planning to stay the whole night. Or study the whole night for the matter. I'll only drop by to say hi. Elias won't even notice if I leave - he'll already be wrapped in another girl's arms by the time I finish uttering my 'hello'. I inhaled deeply.

I slightly regretted not purchasing some normal looking clothes while at Forever 21. Now all I had was lace and fishnet to choose from. Kind of incredible if you think about it.

I settled on a translucent dress made of fishnet. But I of course made it decent by donning a grey cardigan. I slipped my foot into sneakers I purchased the other day. Mirror said I looked fine, but upon closer inspection, I came to notice that my butt had gotten smaller in the absence of squats and a protein-rich diet. I groaned.

It's true what they say - beauty came from pain. But obviously some people are born more beautiful than others. I wasn't really one of them. I had extremely average features I reckon; I just looked 'exotic' because of a Dominican mother.

I stepped out of my room after grabbing my purse. Elias said he'd wait downstairs the female dorm, and he promised that he wouldn't be tangled limb-to-limb with some girl this time. It took a bit of teasing but I think I made a point.

True to his words, Elias was seated in the lobby, at least three feet from the closest female. They were laughing raucously though, at a joke that was told before I arrived. As I approached, Elias's eyes met mine as his lips joined to shoot me the second tight lipped smile today.

"Hello," I greeted him and the three females. His females were your textbook 21st century horny college female dressed in party garb (shorts and crop top). Need I go in further detail?

"Is this the one we were waiting for?" One of them asked. Not curiously, it was part malicious, part sarcastic. I instantly felt like I was under attack.

"You didn't have to wait for me," I managed to say clearly.

"Say that to Elias," another one scoffed.

Don't blame me for being late if you insist on obeying Elias's instructions like a dog, I wanted to say back. But bit my words back in time and replaced them with a polite smile.

"Anyway, ladies," Elias finally stood up. "Should we get going? Don't we have a party to attend?"