CHAPTER 87 - TEARS

Lace.

I barely slept last night. I showered at five a.m., had breakfast at six a.m. and, two hours later I am pacing the living room while everyone else at home is still sleeping. I am so scared to meet Dean. Him not answering his phone just makes things worse.

This does not feel at all like the first time I met him. I wasn’t hiding anything from him then. I hadn’t hired a private investigator to snoop into his background back then. My heart reaches new levels of racing. I am sure it must have broken some kind of record by now. How exactly am I going to tell Dean that I hired someone to spy on him?

Damn. I wish Alison would wake up already. She went to the bathroom at around four thirty a.m. and has been sound asleep since. After about thirty minutes of pacing, I finally sit down and plan out my conversation in my head. How am I going to bring up my deceit? Should I just come out and say it? Or should I wait for Dean to offer me a chance to say something and then bring up the topic? Perhaps, I should wait for him to tell me what he wants to say and then wait for my chance to say something? Or, maybe I shouldn’t say anything at all. The latter is a cowardly option but it is one I will gladly take.

What should I do? I wonder. An hour passes and I am still sitting on the couch wondering how to tell Dean I hired someone to investigate his past. I wish I hadn’t been so rash and hired Dan without consulting with Dean first. Now that I’ve gotten myself into this mess, I have to figure out how to get out of it without losing Dean. If only I knew how I was going to achieve this without losing my boyfriend for good. I close my eyes for a few minutes and end up dozing off.

“Lace!” My mother shakes me awake at around seven thirty a.m.

I jump up. “What happened?” I look around wildly.

“Nothing,” my mother says, placing a steaming cup of black coffee on the coffee table. “You fell asleep on the couch and I woke you up,” she says in her matter-of-fact voice.

“I’m sorry.” I reach for the coffee and take a generous sip.

“What’s eating you?” my mother asks me.

“Dean asked me to meet him today and I don’t know if I can lie to him to his face,” I say.

“Lie to him?” My mother asks, confused.

“I hired Dan to investigate him.” I drink more than half of my coffee. “How am I going to face him? I shouldn’t be keeping something like this from him?”

“Oh honey, you are beating yourself up over something you had no control over. You had a relationship with someone and you needed to know if that person was a criminal or not.” She places one arm around my shoulders. “You didn’t do anything wrong by trying to get peace of mind for yourself.”

I know my mother is right but my mind and heart refuse to listen to her. My brain is worse — a dozen different scenarios flash in my mind as I imagine telling Dean about the private investigator.

“Look, honey, you decided to go ahead with your plan. If you had to go back and do this all over again, would you hire Dan or not?” she asks me.

“I would hire him,” I reply.

“Why?” she asks.

“Because I would go out of my mind trying to figure out whether or not Dean murdered his girlfriend or not,” I answer.

“So why are you feeling guilty when you would do this all over again if you had to go back and do it?” my mother asks me.

My mother makes an excellent point. I don’t have anything to feel guilty about but I do have something to fear. I have no idea how Dean will react when I tell him what I did.

“What time are you meeting him?”

I shrug. “I tried calling him and he never answered.” Tears fill my eyes. I hadn’t realized how much Dean not answering his phone hurt me.

“Maybe you should try calling him again,” my mother suggests.

“He would have seen my call by now,” I remind my mother. A fresh round of tears threatens to roll down my face. “What if he is just ignoring me?”

“Well based on everything that you have told me about Dean, he doesn’t seem like the type of person to ignore anyone.” She hugs me tight. “You need to stop panicking and being so anxious. Dean is just a human being like you. Pick up your phone and call him.”

I reach for my phone and just as I am about to call Dean, it rings. I don’t recognize the number flashing on the screen. “Hello?”

“Lace, hi. I am so sorry.” He pauses to catch his breath. “My phone has a software problem. I saw your call and tried calling you back but the screen is frozen.”

“Oh.” I hold back my relieved sigh. Thank God.

“I told you so,” my mother mouths, and leaves the living room.

“So what did you want to talk about?” he asks me casually.

I hesitate before answering. “Would you like to meet me for brunch?” I ask before I change my mind. I may burst if I have to live with my secret for one more day.

“Sure. I was about to call you and ask you if you wanted to have lunch with me.” He chuckles.

My heart warms up. “Yes.”

“Let’s meet at eleven at Maggie’s Eatery,” he suggests.

“That sounds perfect. I will see you at eleven.” My mood improves significantly since I woke up. I rush back to the bathroom, shower again and put on a fresh pair of jeans and a flattering silk blouse.

“It’s good to see you so chirpy,” my mother says as I get ready to leave.

“Yeah,” Alison calls from the kitchen. I catch a glimpse of her eating lasagna for breakfast. “All the best for your date,” she calls before she stuffs more lasagna in her mouth.

“Thanks,” I say, while grabbing my car keys from the key bowl near the main door.

I cannot wait to see Dean. After his call I stopped worrying about how he will react when I tell him that I hired a private investigator to look into the accident that killed Dana.

Dean is already sitting inside Maggie’s Eatery when I arrive. I didn’t see his truck parked outside so I guess he used one of his parent’s vehicles. He stands up and kissed my lips when I reach his table.

“I miss you so much,” he murmurs against my lips.

I am tempted to wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him for longer but I sit down instead and wait for Dean to take his seat.

“I have to tell you something,” I blurt before he says anything for me to chicken out of telling him.

He stares at me, confused. “Lace, are you okay.”

I nod and then shake my head. “I don’t know.” I take a deep breath. “But there is something I have to tell you.”

He nods. His smile fades but he doesn’t say anything as he waits for me speak.

“I hired a private investigator to help me help you prove that you are innocent and didn’t kill Dana!” I blurt out before bursting into tears.

“Hey.” Dean slides his chair over to my side and pulls me into his arms. “You were just trying to help. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

I grab a wad of tissues out of my purse and blow my nose. “I am so sorry. I should have told you first.”

“Like I should have told you I was accused of Dana’s murder and ostracized by most of my friends and family for it?” He uses paper napkins to wipe my tears. “You don’t need to beat yourself up over hiring a private investigator. In fact, I would love nothing more than to meet him.” He smiles at me and a familiar warmth spreads through my body. “Promise me you will stop beating yourself up over this.”

I nod. “I promise.”

Dean moves his chair and sits across from me. A waiter arrives with steaming hot cups of coffee.

“Thank you,” Dean says.

I sip the coffee and take a few deep breaths. “I am so sorry for overreacting.”

“You needed to,” Dean tells me, “for me to see how important it is for me to clear my name once and for all. I cannot afford to live in fear for the rest of my life.” He reaches for my hand across the table. “I love you more than life itself, Lace. I won’t let go of you as easily as you fear I may.”

“Oh.” I don’t know what else to say. He’s rendered me speechless. Then again, both my mother and Alison assured me that Dean loved me too much to break up with me over doing something like this behind his back.

“So tell me, has your private investigator found anything useful yet?” he asks me.

I shake my head. “I haven’t spoken to him yet.”

“What’s his name?” Dean asks me.

“Dan,” I reply, “I forgot his last name.”

“Dan?” He stares at me. “Guess what. It seems like we have the same private investigator.”

I am not sure how to react then Dean bursts into laughter. “Small world, isn’t it?”