Chapter 39

"You don't look so well, that's all. You're staring at your fruit as if-"

"I slept with Sinful," I say quickly, before I regret it.

Asher doesn't answer, and I don't look at him. I can't bare it. After moments of silence, I finally glance up, my eyes wandering into his gaze. The look on his face makes me feel even worse. I've never seen him express so much at one point.

There was a mixture of things. Pure, thick anger. It simmers in his eyes, as his fists clench on the table. In there, I see sadness, that beats at the edge of his blank expression. He may be trying to hide it, but I can see it. But I can't put answers to it.

Why?

"You let him touch you...like that?" He questions I utter disbelief. This is the last thing he expected to wake up to this morning.

"I was hardly thinking," I explain, remembering what he had said. "You have no idea how sick I feel about it today."

Asher stands, pushing his chair back. From where he was sitting opposite me across the table he moves around to take the seat beside me. From here, I feel even more sick to my stomach. Because here, I can see right into his eyes, and feel each emotion as if it's mine.

"What did he say to you to get you into his bed?" He questions, his voice in the verge of seething. It's uncomfortable seeing him ready to become violent if he deemed it necessary.

"He told me not to overthink things," I tell him meekly.

Asher's jaw clenches. "That's him getting into your head, manipulating you. That's why you feel so bad about it today."

I'm left speechless, as Asher's head drops down with his gaze, his dark hair falling beautifully. He clenches and unclenches his fists, clearly trying to reign in his anger. Sinful's words about how he feels about me comes back into my mind, but I brush it away.

"Oh God Alaya," he curses, burrowing his hands into his hair. I want to ask him why he's so cut up about this, when Sinful suddenly saunters into the room.

He's all smiles and happiness. Great.

"Alaya, my dear," he says smoothly, completely unsuspecting.

I can barely utter a reply.

"Shanae took a few memories from you that night you were away," he brings up. "Would you like them back?"

My emotions are all over the place, as I follow Sinful down the hallway.

What if I don't really want to get my memories back like this? What if Shanae said something to me that will completely change my life, or that is a complete lie? All these questions fight to find place in my mind. No, I need to find out what happened that night, that was so important for her to take my memories away with that stupid drink.

Sinful doesn't give any information away, as he motions for me to sit down. We are in his quarters again, safely away from a brooding Asher, who is doing who knows what right now.

"Are you sure you want this memory back?" He asks, misty grey eyes slightly wary.

I nod despite myself. "Yes, otherwise it's going to irritate me."

He chuckles, in a "I know" kind of manner, while he sits down on his chaise lounge. I take a seat next to him, curious to see if this will be anything like what Asher did to me. Not quite, it seems, as he grabs my hand, looking at a spot on the ground in concentration. I watch curiously, until a blinding light fills my eyes.

The only thing I can see in my vision is the azure blue eyes of Shanae. I can hear her voice in my ears, like an annoying ringing sound I can't escape from. All her words from that night are coming back to me.

"Don't you want to know why he's so distant from you, so cold? Because I've known him for awhile, and he's charming and warm with others...but not you."

"You brat, I try be kind to you, and you treat me like this?"

"Good luck waking up tomorrow and forgetting the fact that Asher is your mate."

I feel myself grab onto someone as a wave of nausea flows over me. Sinful. He's holding my arms, while I sway, shaking myself out of the vision that stains my vision. Sinful looks concerned, although I can tell he knows exactly what I saw. He knew it. He had to.

Stumbling to my feet, Shanae's words ringing in my head. Asher is your mate.

"You knew," I seethe, not even having to ask him. He slept with me, then decided he wanted to give me my memories back. Right now, I've never wanted to kill someone so bad.

Sinful remains seated, watching me under his fringe of dark hair. Now the sympathy has vanished, as he realises I'm not at all wasting my time with dwelling on the thought of Asher being my mate. That idea is still yet to hit me full force, and when it does, I'll deal with it.

Right now, I need to deal with Sinful.

"It's not like that," he says carefully, although I hear the uneasiness in his voice. "It's hard to explain."

I'm seeing red, that must be it. Sinful just sits there, so calm and indifferent about this situation. It's beyond frustrating. Maybe it's the blush that has consumed my entire body, as I remember what we did last night, when he knew the entire time my mate was in the building.

Sinful finally stands, reaching out to me, but I stepped back.

"There's no excuse," I snap, feel my voice begin to waver at the edges. I should have listened to Asher...my mate. He knew Sinful would manipulate me, and I fell for it, again. If I wasn't so angry at him, I would be cursing myself right now for being so foolish with him.

"Like I said, it's hard to explain," he says, his tone still smooth and calm. I don't know how to react. Before I know it, I'm reaching out to slap him, although, I hardly makes a difference to his demeanour.

I can't believe him right now. Without wanting to hear another word out of him, I run straight out of his quarters without waiting to look back.

The moment I make it back to my room, I close the door and fall face first into my bed. My mind is spinning, confusion showing in the vivid colours that dance behind my closed lids. Asher is my mate? The idea of it tried to slot itself into my mind.