Chapter 25 Chapter twenty five
DEV
I did not sleep.
I spent the entire night sitting on the steps outside Priya's building, phone in hand, waiting for a response from Aanya that never came. At three in the morning, rain started falling. I moved under the small overhang by the entrance, pulled my jacket tighter, and kept waiting.
What else was I going to do? Go home and pretend everything was fine? Lie on my sofa bed wondering if she was taking the palace's deal while I did nothing?
At least here, if she decided to leave, if she went back to her family, I would see her go. I would have one last chance to tell her I had been wrong.
My phone buzzed at five thirty. Text from Giulia: Are you still sitting outside her flat like a creep?
Me: How did you know?
Giulia: Because I know you. And because Mum is worried. She tried calling you four times. Come home. Get some sleep. You can't fix this by freezing to death on a doorstep.
Me: I can't leave. Not until I know what she's decided.
Giulia: Dev, she has to make this choice on her own. You sitting outside her building doesn't change anything except making you hypothermic. Come home.
Me: No.
She stopped responding. Twenty minutes later, Marco appeared around the corner, carrying a thermos and looking exhausted.
"Giulia sent me," he said, sitting down next to me on the wet steps. "Figured if you were going to be stubborn about this, you should at least have coffee."
He poured some into the thermos cap and handed it to me. It was hot and strong and exactly what I needed.
"Thanks."
"You look terrible."
"I feel terrible."
"Giulia told me what happened. About the fight. About what you said to her." Marco took a sip from the thermos. "That was pretty stupid."
"I know."
"I mean really stupid. Impressively stupid. The kind of stupid that makes me question whether you actually have a PhD or just bought it online."
"I am aware."
"Good. Because I need you to understand exactly how badly you messed up before I help you fix it."
I looked at him. "How are you going to help me fix it?"
"I am not. You are going to fix it yourself. But I am going to sit here with you until she comes out, and then I am going to make sure you do not say anything else stupid when you apologize. Consider me your idiot-prevention system."
Despite everything, I almost smiled. "When did you get so wise?"
"I have been watching you make mistakes my entire life. Eventually I learned what not to do." He was quiet for a moment. "Do you love her?"
The question caught me off guard. "I barely know her."
"That is not what I asked."
I thought about it. About coffee yesterday morning. About the way she had laughed when I tricked her about the waistcoat. About how natural it had felt to talk to her, to walk with her, to simply be near her. About the terror I had felt at the thought of her leaving.
"I do not know if it is love yet," I said honestly. "But it could be. If I had not destroyed it before it had a chance to become something."
"Then you tell her that. When she comes out, whenever that is, you tell her exactly that. Not that you were scared. Not that you lashed out. You tell her that you could love her, and you sabotaged it because you were afraid, and you are sorry."
"What if she has already decided to take the deal? What if she is already packing to go back to the palace?"
"Then you tell her anyway. She deserves to know the truth before she makes that choice. And you deserve to live with the consequences of your actions, whatever they are."
We sat in silence as the sky lightened slowly, the city waking up around us. I checked my phone compulsively every few minutes, but there was nothing from Aanya. No response to my text. No indication that she had even read it.
At seven fifteen, the building's front door opened.
Aanya stepped out.
She looked exhausted. Her eyes were red, like she had been crying or had not slept or both. She was wearing jeans and a jumper I recognized from yesterday, carrying a small bag over her shoulder.
She stopped when she saw me, surprise flickering across her face.
"Dev? What are you doing here?"
I stood up, legs stiff from sitting on cold stone for hours. "Waiting for you."
"All night?"
"I could not leave without telling you I was wrong. About everything I said at the pub. About you not belonging, about you romanticizing struggle, about you leaving when it gets hard. I was completely wrong."
She looked at Marco, then back at me. "This is not a good time."
"I know. I know you have to decide about the lawsuit. I know your family is waiting for an answer. I know I have no right to ask you for anything after what I said. But I need you to hear this before you make your choice."
"Dev..."
"I was scared," I said, the words coming out in a rush. "I was terrified that you would realize how hard this life actually is and go back to your family. So I pushed you away first. I tested you. I tried to make you prove you were serious by attacking everything you had given up. And that was cruel and unfair and completely my fault. You do belong here. Not because you are performing or romanticizing or trying to prove something. But because you made a choice to tell the truth when it cost you everything. That is not performance. That is courage. And I should have told you that instead of tearing you down."
She was very still, her expression unreadable.
"Are you finished?" she asked quietly.
"No. One more thing." I took a breath. "I think I could love you. I do not know if that is what this is yet. We barely know each other. We have spent more time in crisis than in actual conversation. But when I imagine my life going forward, I want you in it. And I sabotaged that because I was afraid. And I am sorry. Whatever you decide about the palace's offer, I want you to know that. You are not just someone passing through my world. You are someone I want to build a life with, if you will let me. If I have not already destroyed that possibility completely."
Aanya looked down at her bag, then back at me. "I have been up all night trying to decide what to do. Reading the lawsuit papers over and over. Looking at the statement palace communications wrote. Trying to figure out if I have the courage to refuse safety when safety is the only rational choice. And part of what made it so difficult was wondering if you were right. If I am just playing at being normal. If I will leave when it gets too hard. If I belong here at all."
"You do belong here."
"Do I? Because last night you seemed very certain that I do not. That I am a tourist in your world. That I will run back to my family the moment things become genuinely difficult."
"I was wrong."
"Were you? Or were you seeing something true that I did not want to admit?" She shifted her bag higher on her shoulder. "I have to go. I have an appointment."
"With your family?"
"With someone who might be able to help me figure this out. I cannot tell you more than that right now."
"Are you taking the palace's deal?"
She met my eyes. "I have not decided yet. I have three hours until the deadline. I need to think."
"Can I help? Can I do anything?"
"You can let me make this decision without pressure. From you or my family or anyone else. This has to be my choice, Dev. Not yours. Not theirs. Mine."
She walked past me, toward the street.
"Aanya, wait."
She stopped but did not turn around.
"Whatever you decide," I said, "I meant what I said. About wanting you in my life. About thinking I could love you. That does not change based on whether you take the deal or refuse it. If you go back to your family, I will understand. And I will still think you are one of the bravest people I have ever met."
She was quiet for a long moment. Then, without turning around: "You should go home, Dev. Get some sleep. This is going to be a very long day."
She walked away.
I watched her until she disappeared around the corner, then sank back down onto the steps, exhausted and terrified and completely unsure whether I had just made things better or worse.
Marco sat down beside me again. "Well, you did not say anything stupid. That is progress."
"I told her I could love her after knowing her for a week and having one actual fight. That might qualify as stupid."
"Or honest. Which is what she needed to hear." He poured more coffee. "Now we wait and see what she decides."
"I cannot just sit here doing nothing."
"What else are you going to do? Follow her? Demand she refuse the palace's offer? Force her to choose the hard path because it makes you feel better about your own choices?" Marco shook his head. "She is right. This has to be her decision. You have to trust that she will make the choice that is right for her, even if that choice is not the one you want."
"What if she goes back? What if the palace gets what they want and she disappears back into that world and I never see her again?"
"Then you live with it. And you learn from it. And you do not make the same mistake next time." Marco finished his coffee. "But for what it is worth, I do not think she is going to take the deal."
"Why not?"
"Because she did not look like someone who had decided to give up. She looked like someone preparing for a fight."
I wanted to believe that. Wanted to think that Aanya had the strength to refuse safety and face bankruptcy and keep fighting even though it would be easier to surr
ender.
But I had spent the night questioning whether I actually knew her well enough to predict what she would do.
And now all I could do was wait.