CHAPTER 19

A loud bang followed by a grunt pulled Marietta out of her thoughts. Tobias had managed to go MMA on Chris and had slammed him against the outside table. She looked around and saw the sprinkler system. She searched for a few seconds before she found the tap and the switch. Turning the tap on full, Marietta switched on the sprinklers and watched as the huge men begun to retreat from the cold water. Marietta bit into her apple and when she caught the gazes of the two men, she turned around and marched back into the house.

Marietta sat on the couch as she waited for the two brutes. Somehow, she was going to find out what Chris told Tobias. She watched as they walked into the room both equally banged up. Marietta moved towards Chris and pushed his t-shirt to his chin and indicated he hold it there. She moved to his back and examined the damage. He had taken a hard hit but apart from a light bruising nothing seemed broken. She carried out the same inspection on Tobias and frowned when she saw his black eye. She shot Chris an angry look and stepped back.

“I win,” she said to Jessie.

Jessie groaned and pressed a hundred-dollar bill in Marietta’s hand.

“What’s going on?” Tobias asked.

“Apparently my boyfriend wasn’t built to fight.” Jessie whined as she slapped Chris on the back of his head.

“Are you crazy?” Chris exclaimed.

“No, the crazy ones are the both of you.” Marietta shook her head and chuckled, “Did you think that I wouldn’t find out?”

“I don’t know what you are talking about?” Chris lied.

“I’m going for a walk, alone,” she added when Tobias started after her, “I’m sure one of the security men patrolling this compound will be able to walk with me, or behind me.”

Marietta left before anyone of them could say anything. She felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. She still didn’t know how much Tobias knew, but one thing she was sure of, was that Chris should have waited until she was ready. But when was that going to be? She had been married to the man for three years and knew him for four and yet she hadn’t spoken a word about her past. She knew he had knowledge of the basics, her mother, and her brother but no one knew about her father. Only five of them knew, two were dead, one was in the house and the other seemed to be haunting her in her dreams and her reality.

She didn’t get far. She was exhausted by the time she had reached two hundred meters away from the house. Marietta turned around and when she got back to the house, they were all waiting for her. She didn’t say a word, instead she sat there staring at the scenery. It was almost nightfall when Tobias finally joined her.

“I was wondering where you were?” She asked.

“I thought I could give you some space.”

“I’ve had two months of that.”

She saw how quickly Tobias became uncomfortable. She didn’t want to focus on the infidelity not now anyway. “Who were you talking to?”

“McKay called to ask how you are. Of course, he lectured me on ‘how to destroy a marriage’ first,” Tobias feigned a smile, “But I told him you were growing bigger every day and more beautiful every second.”

Marietta led the compliment slip by her. She wondered what the best approach would be, to ask him what he knew or to just come out and say it. The latter would achieve faster results.

“What are you guys talking about?” Chris walked towards them; Jessie tucked tightly in his side. This was the first time she had seen the passion between them. She felt guilty for taking Chris away from Jessie for all that time. But Jessie seemed to understand and that made Marietta wonder if she also knew about her past.

“We are just talking about a script I was thinking about writing.” She saw the confused look on Tobias’ face, “This is how it starts,” she said when they had moved to the living room and settled down on the sofas, “A little girl smiles as she watches her father toss her brother into the air. The sound of David’s- her brothers - laughter filling the air, is so infectious that she can’t help but laugh too. Her mother walks into the room and calls ‘bedtime’. She ushers the children into their own rooms and calls bedtime. The little girl feels a little scared at first, she was only six and this was her first time sleeping in her own room. Her father had insisted on that.” Marietta saw Chris stiffen. She tore her gaze away from him when she realized that he hadn’t told Tobias or Jessie the story. But she had already started and wasn’t about to chicken out now.

“The little girl finally manages to fall asleep but is woken up later. She opens her eyes and realizes it’s still nighttime when all she could see was darkness around her. She shivers and reaches out for the covers, but she can’t find them. But she can feel something else, someone’s hands were on her. At first, she panicked but when she recognized the warm smile, she fell back to sleep.”

“I’m not going to like this story, am I?” Jessie whined as she pressed deeper into Chris’s side.

Marietta glanced towards Tobias and although she could see a note of discomfort, he seemed calm, so she went on, “Day’s pass and this little girl starts having nightmares. It was the same thing, she would feel the cold and the warm hands against her skin, and then she would see the friendly smile. So, one day she decided not to sleep. She would stay up and wait for this ghost that kept coming to her in the middle of the night. When the door opened it was so dark that at first, she only saw his frame. She lay still and waited, and it was the same thing. But something else happened that she had never been awake for. She reached for her bedside lamp and there he was, Robert.”

“I don’t think I want to hear any more of this.” Chris peeled away from Jessie and left the room.

It didn’t bother Marietta. Her gaze was fixed on Tobias and the rage that was building inside him. She could see it through his eyes and wondered what kept him in his seat. Marietta decided she was going to skip the part about the abuse. She didn’t think Tobias could handle hearing how her father held her down and molested her. Or how hard she fought but she was powerless against him. “One night, three years later, her brother is woken up by the cries coming out of the room next to him-,”

“I’m done, no more.” Tobias rose to his feet and walked towards the window.

“Could you leave us alone?” Marietta asked Jessie. Her face was stained with tears and Marietta could see how her hand trembled as she tried to wipe them away. Jessie left without saying a word, her eyes glued to her feet.

“I didn’t want to tell you.” Marietta began, but Tobias said nothing, “I thought that once you knew, you wouldn’t want me anymore.”

“Was he arrested?” Tobias struggled to say.

“No, my mother kicked him out of the house. It was awkward after that. David tried his best to make me forget and for a while I did. But my mother always looked at me with such pity and the guilt in her eyes was overwhelming. When David died, the nightmares came back, but Chris was there. And soon after my mother wasn’t. She left me a note saying that she couldn’t live with the guilt.”

“So, you moved to L.A and begun creating a whole new character, that you later usurped.” Tobias said a hint of accusation in his tone.

“I had to, if I was to survive, I had to leave that little girl in Minnesota.”

“So why did you come back here.”

“Because Chris was here,” she said. “You couldn’t handle everything I was feeling at the time. He knew what happened to me, and he had grown up with me. I knew he could be there for me without trying to get into my head.”

“What about the therapist?”

“You knew about that?” For some reason she wasn’t shocked, “I don’t do well with strangers.”

Marietta moved closer to him when she heard him gasp. Immediately she regretted telling him. She knew no one could handle her baggage. It was a load too heavy for anyone other than herself to carry. She wanted to touch him, but she decided against it. Marietta hadn’t had much experience with this sort of situation, before Tobias she never dated. She didn’t get involved nor had a relationship with anyone. He was it for her, but now she knew it was done. It was too much now, the cheating and now her past, and this was just the beginning.

Tobias turned to face her, and she could see the tears in his eyes. He looked crushed and it was all her fault. She was glad she didn’t get into the details. He wouldn’t have been able to handle it.

“Do you want something?” she asked.

“I just need to lie down. I’ll see you in the morning.” And with that she watched as he walked past her and disappeared into his room.

Tobias paced in his room. He couldn’t imagine that she had been in all this pain, and he didn’t know. For three years they had been married and he didn’t have a clue what living every single day was like for her. This was the world she had created, this illusion to protect her from the reality. Did she love him, or was her part of the script? Was he just another character and could she have easily found someone else to play the role of the doting husband someone like Chris? Tobias snickered when he realized how he had referred to himself. Cheating husband is more like it, he thought to himself. He kicked at the bed and jabbed his toe on the wood. The pain that short through him had him reeling back, but it was nothing compared to what he felt in his heart.

She had been hiding this ‘shame’ and pain and sought refuge in him to make it better. But he had only made it worst. First for leaving her back in Egypt, then the loss of the baby, then the stress of the IVF treatment and lastly his infidelity. He swore at himself when he realized that he had left her alone when all she needed was someone to give her comfort and strength. But he didn’t have that sort of strength. It tore at him that someone she trusted had caused her all this pain. He wanted revenge more for himself than for her. He felt like a failure, and he had to prove himself to her.

He reached for the door and when he opened it, he almost bumped into Marietta. She stood there shivering, tears streaming down her cheeks. He had never seen her like this, so vulnerable so broken. Not even when they lost their child, sure she fell apart but almost immediately she pulled herself together trying to make sure he and his family were okay about the loss. He found it almost laughable that she had turned to him for strength. Marietta was his strength in her little body she contained more strength than ten men could ever bare.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to tell you.” He watched as she stammered out, “Chris said that I should tell you. I told him you couldn’t handle it. When I saw that look between the two of you, I thought he told you. So, I decided to tell you. If I knew you had no idea, I wouldn’t have said a word. This is my cross to bear, and I will understand if you want to run in the other direction, I would. I wouldn’t, but we aren’t built the same.”

Tobias put his finger on her lip to silence her. He couldn’t bear listening to her put all the blame on herself when it wasn’t her fault. He pulled her into the room and closed the door, “It’s not your fault. Robert is the one who abused you and I’m the one who cheated. We both deserve to be condemned to hell for the pain we caused you.”

“I forgive you,” she said in a whisper.

“You shouldn’t,” he answered.

“You are my husband and the priest said ‘till death do us part. I can’t walk away from you unless you are dead.” Marietta always turned to humor when it came to Tobias. Somehow, inappropriate jokes pulled him out of his funk. But it wasn’t working, “By the way, if you went to hell, I would have to follow you.”

“Why?” He finally let himself look at her and bathe in her sweet kiss, “I don’t deserve you.”

“I could say the same thing.” She shrugged, “We all have our demons that make us feel like we are not worthy.”

“But you are… you are so perfect.” He cupped her face and almost purred when she leaned into it.

“I missed that.” She sighed. “You always had a way of making me feel like a million bucks.”

“Says the woman who is worth more than a hundred million bucks. I was thinking that maybe we could buy a new house-,” he went silent when he saw the pained expression on her face, “I sold the other apartment. You said you didn’t belong there anymore, so I thought we could get a bigger space especially with the baby coming. If you’ll take me back that is. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“It’s too late for that.” She frowned, then took his hand and put it on her belly, “She kicks so hard.”

“She’s kicking?” He gasped as he felt something push against his hand. “Does it hurt?”

“When she kicks it’s kind of like this,” she pinched him and he winced, “When she’s got the hiccups it’s kind of like this,” she pressed his fist against his arm, “Like a dull ache.”

“There is a baby in your belly,” he said as he stared at her in awe.

Tobias pulled her towards the bed. He sat down and moved her towards him before laying his head on her belly. He was listening for something; he wasn’t exactly sure what. He lifted his head when he felt a repetitive push, it wasn’t like the kicks. He looked up at her for an explanation.

“Hiccups,” she said.

“Should I get some water?”

“For me? Sure, but it won’t do the baby much good.” She giggled.

“I’m going to protect the both of you, I swear it. I will die before anyone hurts either one of you.” He caught the tear rolling down her cheek as he stood up.

Tobias pulled her against his body as close as possible. He wanted to kiss her, he desperately needed to. He looked at her for a second, “May I?” and when she nodded, he did.

The kiss wasn’t rushed. It was passionate and intimate. It was more about reaching for something more pristine than it was to quench the passion inside him. He felt the void in his heart fill bit by bit with each second the kiss lingered. When he pulled away her eyes were still closed, “It was like taking a step towards heaven.”

Marietta smiled, then begun to chuckle, “you said that to me almost four years ago. Those same exact words.”

“It’s the only way I can describe kissing you.” He paused, hating himself because he was about to ruin the moment, “Do you want to talk about Sarah?”

“You want to get it out of the way?” she asked.

“Yes, I really just want to focus on building and putting our marriage back together.” He sighed. “It didn’t mean anything.”

“You said that already. I really don’t want to talk about this. I would much rather push it to the back of my mind and try to forget it.” She hushed him when he started to speak, “But burying things doesn’t work. They always seem to bubble to the surface somehow. I forgive you because I love you, you are human, and it wouldn’t do me any good killing the father of my baby. I need someone to do the two am feedings.” Her smile dropped when she issued the warning, “If you do it again, you won’t know what hit you. I will disappear from your life so fast your head will spin.”

“Got it.” Tobias searched her eyes and only saw truth to what she said. It sent a shiver down his spine and for a second, he felt like he was looking into the eyes of the real Marietta. He needed to get to know her true self if they had a chance at saving what was between them. “I need to see the real you.”

“I’m strong and weak in equal measure. I love with everything in me but have been forced to be more reserved. I don’t trust easily, and loyalty is everything to me. I need to know that I can give you everything that I am without you using it against me. I want a love that is pure and true and safe.”

“And you want that with me?” he asked as she leaned into him, affirming his greatest desires.

“I can only have that with you,” she said.

Tobias held Marietta tightly against his side as she slept. He hadn’t been able to sleep, all his mind seemed intent on doing was plotting the murder of Robert Samuels. When morning came, he was tired but all the fire that burned in his belly kept him going. He watched as Marietta slept and smiled when she woke up. When she opened her eyes there was no sheath, no pretenses, and no secrets. It was like she was looking into his deep brown eyes for the first time, and he loved it.

“Good morning beautiful.” He released her when she moved to lie on her back.

“I’m hungry.” She moaned. “I smell pancakes.”

“Can I get a kiss first?” He chuckled. Tobias felt comforted at how she looked so normal lying beside him. He thought he had lost this moment, watching her sleep, being the first one she saw in the morning and being the one who knew her first thought after she woke up. Right now, she was more concerned with sinking her teeth into the pancakes than she was to kiss him. He didn’t mind, he knew that was his baby talking, and besides, the aroma of the pancakes was mouthwatering.

“One kiss then pancakes.” He loved how she giggled when he lowered himself over her. Placing a hand on each side of her head, he balanced his weight over her as he kissed her. The feeling of her hands caressing his back almost did him in. he wanted to take her, but he didn’t dare. Tobias wasn’t sure how safe sex was for the baby, and the kind of sex he was after, he knew it wouldn’t be safe.

“I’m guessing that you want to do something more than just kiss me.”

“I want to make love to you,” he groaned in her ear, as he planted kisses on her neck.

“I can tell.” She giggled, gave him a quick kiss, and pushed him until he was rolling off of her.

“I guess morning sex is out of the question.”

“Pancakes first.”

Tobias laughed as he watched her make her way out of the room. He worried when he noticed that she was having some trouble walking. It looked like she was waddling around like a penguin. He grabbed a t-shirt and pulled it over his head and followed her. Tobias found her at the top of the stairs and just as she was about to take the first one, he rushed to her side. Wrapping his arm around her while she held on to the other one to steady herself, they took one step at a time.

“I swear I wasn’t this big yesterday.” She moaned as she took the last step.

“I love how big you are.” Tobias said as he kissed her belly.

“Good morning guys.” Tobias noticed the surprised tones in Chris and Jessie’s voices.

“Pancakes.” Marietta said as she eased into a seat at the dinner table.

“Morning guys.” Tobias responded as he pulled his chair closer to Marietta.

“Did I hear someone ask for pancakes?” Mrs. Bennett emerged from the kitchen with a plate full of pancakes.

Tobias laughed when Marietta begun to clap and rejoice. It looked like everything was much clearer since the secret was out. Her eyes were clearer, her laughter more melodic and her face seemed to relax. It was like she was a new woman. But Tobias felt like everything that she had let out the night before had settled inside him. He didn’t mind taking his wife’s burdens. He just had to figure out how he was going to offload them before they weighed him down.

“You are really big for six months.” Mrs. Bennett pointed out with a worried frown.

“I’m seven months in two weeks.” Marietta scoffed out in between bites.

“When is your next doctor’s appointment?” Tobias asked as he rubbed her belly.

“I don’t have a doctor. But I thought I would go in two weeks, just after Christmas.” She looked away from her plate and to Chris. “Nearest hospital?”

“Twenty minutes from here.”

“Good, I was just making sure.” Tobias saw something in her eyes that he wouldn’t be able to take away from her even if he tried. The loss of their first baby was ever present in her mind. He saw it in the way she asked for the nearest hospital.

Marietta could feel her stomach turn. The way Jessie kept on looking at her with pity in her eyes didn’t sit well with her. She didn’t like to be pitied; things happened for a reason. Marietta had to believe that God just didn’t watch bad things happen without there being a greater plan.

“Just ask, because you are giving me indigestion.” Marietta put in.

Jessie hesitated at first, but Marietta urged her on. There was nothing she could ask that would surprise her or make her feel worse than she used to. This morning she woke up with a new goal, a new perspective and to achieve that, she had to get rid of all the bad stuff.

“You told me Chris was your first.” Jessie asked after Chris’ mother left the room.

“I love you for who you are-,” Marietta begun.

“Through your eyes I see the purest of souls.” Chris finished.

“What was that?” Tobias asked.

“That was what I told your wife before I looked up her skirt.” Chris laughed.

Marietta chuckled when Tobias used his hands to cover his ears as he shook his head. He was just like a little boy trying not to listen. But then she hadn’t answered Jessie’s question, “My father never touched me with anything other than his hands.”

“Why do you call him that?” Tobias put in, “I’m going to be a father and the only thing I can think about is how her eyes are going to look, going to her ballerina recitals, getting a shot gun when she’s sixteen and walking her down the aisle.”

“You don’t want to hear the answer to that.” Chris groaned.

“Maybe I should start calling him Robert. He no longer had a hold on my life.” Robert Samuels had always been her father. Seeing him as anything but that, as his true self only caused her pain. But now with all these people around her she knew that she could see him as the monster he was and not feel like she was drowning.

“I second that.” Tobias said as he kissed her.

“I third it.” Jessie called out.

“I fourth.” Chris said, “A shot gun?”

“Too much?”

“I was thinking of something like a grenade. That way you blow them to bits before they are in your driveway.”

“I like how you think.”

Marietta looked at the two men who were going to be a constant in her daughter’s life and she couldn’t feel more secure and proud. She knew they would protect her baby with their lives and that put her more at ease.