Ninety Eight

That was just bat shit crazy. Why would she think that when he had obviously wanted her so much he couldn’t keep his emotions in check, and he had to touch himself to her picture in his head. 

Even now, he thought he had been punched in the gut when he saw her tears. “Oh no, baby. Don’t cry.” He said as he walked to her and pulled her into his arms.

“Why do you have to be mean all the time?” she asked with her voice muffled against his chest. I’m going crazy here with need, and the man I want doesn’t even care how I feel. All he cares about is his stupid rule, never to get involved with a client.” She said. 

She had missed the fact that he had just called her baby, and not because they were putting up a show for anyone because it was just them, but no one could blame her at this point. She was hurting, and her chest was tightening.  

Tyler held Raina tighter as if pulling her closer could somehow take away the hurt he had caused. He ran a hand down her back, feeling her small shudders as she cried into his chest. Each sob felt like a punch to his stomach, and it sounded so sharp and unforgiving. 

Her words were still echoing in his mind. “She thinks I don’t care? That I don’t want her?” he asked himself, mentally. 

“Raina,” he said softly, his voice low, but she didn’t look up. She stayed tucked against him, like she couldn’t bear to face him. He sighed, his chin brushing the top of her head. “Look, you’ve got it all wrong.”

She let out a bitter laugh, muffled but sharp enough to sting. “Do I? Because it feels pretty clear to me, Tyler. You’ve made it clear this… whatever this is, isn’t worth breaking your precious rules.”

Tyler’s arms tightened instinctively, his heart pounding hard enough to match hers. He leaned back just enough to tilt her chin up with his fingers. Her tear-streaked face shattered him. 

Her beautiful eyes were now glassy and red-rimmed, and they held all the doubt and pain she had been bottling up. It was almost unbearable for him. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice breaking slightly. “I never meant to hurt you. God, Raina, don’t you get it? I’m trying to protect you.” Really! Besides, he had told her this before, how much he wanted her, but maybe they weren’t enough. 

He understood that though. 

Her brows furrowed, and for a second, he could see the anger building behind her sadness. She pulled back, crossing her arms like she needed a barrier between them. “Protect me?” she echoed. “That’s what you call this? Pushing me away, making me feel like some desperate idiot chasing after a man who can’t even admit he wants me?”

Tyler’s chest tightened. 

She wasn’t wrong. He had been pushing her away, but not because he didn’t want her. Hell, he wanted her so badly it scared him. But how could he explain that without sounding like a coward?

“Raina,” he started again, stepping closer, though she didn’t step back this time. “You think I don’t care? That I don’t want you? Damn it, you’re the only thing I think about. I’m so messed up over you I can’t even sleep without dreaming about you.” He said.

She froze, her eyes searching his as if trying to figure out if he was telling the truth. “Then why…” Her voice cracked, and she swallowed hard. “Why do you keep acting like this is something we have to fight? Like you can’t just… let yourself feel it?”

Tyler ran a hand through his hair, frustration clear on his face. “Because I don’t want to screw this up! You think this is easy for me? Every time I look at you, every time I hear your voice, it takes everything in me not to just grab you and…” He stopped, taking a shaky breath. “I’ve never wanted anyone like this, Raina. Not even close. And that scares the hell out of me.” He said. 

Her lips parted, and for a moment, she just stared at him, as if trying to make sense of his words. Then, almost cautiously, she asked, “Why does it have to be scary? Why can’t it just… be?”

Tyler let out a breath, his shoulders slumping slightly. “Because I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be what you need without messing it all up. And the thought of losing you, of ruining this…”

“You’re already ruining it, Tyler,” she interrupted, her voice soft but firm. “By holding back, by pretending like we’re not already in this together. You think pushing me away is going to make it easier? It’s just making it hurt more.”

Her words hit him like a slap, and for a moment, he could only stand there, his heart thundering in his chest. She was right. She was absolutely right. All this time, he had been trying to keep his distance, telling himself it was for the best, but all he had done was hurt the one person he cared about most.

Without thinking, Tyler reached out, cupping her face in his hands. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore,” he said quietly, his voice thick with emotion. “I don’t want to fight this, Raina. I’m tired of fighting.”

Her breath hitched, and for a moment, neither of them moved. Then, slowly, she nodded, her lips trembling. “Then don’t,” she whispered. “Please, just… don’t.”

And before he could second-guess himself, before the fear could creep back in, Tyler leaned in and kissed her. It wasn’t tentative or unsure… it was raw and full of everything he had been holding back. 

The world fell away, and for the first time in what felt like forever, it all just made sense.

When they finally broke apart, Raina’s eyes searched his, her expression softer now, but still cautious. “You’re really done fighting this?”

Tyler brushed a thumb over her cheek, a small, rueful smile tugging at his lips. “I’m done, Rain. No more running, no more excuses. It’s you. It’s always been you, and will be.” He said.