One Hundred

Raina was sore in a good way, but she smiled as she sat smugly beside Tyler on the bed, and she used the sheet to cover her breasts, one Tyler was still trying to get to. 

“Stop it, Tyler.” She said, giving him a mock stern look and he grinned. 

“God, baby! I have no idea now why I waited so long to be with you, to admit what I feel.” He said, grazing her shoulder with his teeth slightly. 

Raina shrugged. “Well, you’re here now. That’s all that matters.” She said. 

Angling his head to the side, Tyler nodded. “Yes. I have something to tell you, Raina. About that, and you might not like it.” He started. 

Raina said nothing, instead, she sat up and focused on him to listen to what he needed to talk to her about. 

Tyler hesitated, his gray eyes clouded with both sorrow and apprehension displayed there. The of his past hung heavily in the air as he looked at Raina, struggling to find the right words. 

Finally, he exhaled, his voice quiet but laced with pain.  

Raina wanted to touch him, and tell him it was okay, but she decided it was best to just keep quiet and give him the room to say whatever it was he needed to say. 

“There was someone before you,” he began, his gaze dropping to the floor. “Her name was Harper. We served together in the Marines. She was part of my crew, one of the best; sharp, determined, and someone I trusted with my life. We were stationed at an outpost in a remote region overseas. It wasn’t an easy assignment, but she handled it like she handled everything… with strength and grace.” 

Tyler’s jaw tightened, and he took a moment to collect himself before continuing. “We had just started seeing each other. It was new, but it felt... right. She was someone who could see through my walls, and I started to think maybe I deserved something good with her.”  

“So what happened?” Raina finally asked, speaking. 

He paused, his hands clenching at his sides. “Then came the rotation orders. I had to send her to one of the forward positions, near a village we were supporting. She didn’t want to go. She even asked me if I could keep her back, but I couldn’t… I was her commanding officer. If I had let her stay, it would’ve looked like favoritism, and that’s a line you can’t cross in the field.” 

He couldn’t have done that even if he wanted to, because that would lose him his credibility, and people would lose their respect for him.

Tyler’s voice grew heavier as he continued. “Two days after she left, there was a fire. Some locals set the outpost ablaze in retaliation for a raid we didn’t even authorize or know anything about. Harper was inside when it happened. She didn’t make it out.”  

“Oh my, God!” Raina said, looking at him with sympathy, shaking her head as she touched him on his shoulder.  

He stopped, his throat working against the lump forming there. “The guilt... it ate me alive. I sent her there, Raina. I made that call. And even though I know it was my job, I couldn’t stop thinking that if I’d done something different, she might still be here. I barely kept it together long enough to finish the deployment. When I got out, I had to see a therapist just to start piecing myself back together.”  

He finally looked at her again, his expression raw and vulnerable. “That’s why I’m scared to be with you, Raina. I care about you more than I ever thought I could care about someone again, but that terrifies me. Because what if something happens to you because of me? What if just being with me puts you in danger? Losing Harper nearly broke me. I couldn’t survive losing you too.”  

“Oh, Tyler. That wasn’t your fault.” She said. 

“Whose fault could it be? I sent her there.” He said. 

“But you did because you were supposed to. You were doing your job.” Raina said, feeling her chest tighten as she watched the man before her… this strong, guarded man… lay himself bare. The depth of his pain and the sincerity of his fears left her shaken, but it also stirred something fierce and unwavering within her.  

“Didn’t stop her from dying, did it.” He said, and she winced as if feeling his pain as well. 

She knew what she wanted to say, but for now, she simply reached for his hand, offering silent reassurance that she wasn’t going anywhere.

Tyler glanced down at their joined hands, his thumb brushing over hers absently. The warmth of her touch steadied him, but it also brought a fresh wave of vulnerability. He had never told anyone about Harper like this… not even his therapist. 

All he told him when he was seeing him was how his crew died, and it was his fault. He had tried his best to make sure he knew it wasn’t his fault, but he just couldn’t just get rid of the guilt.

Yet, here he was, pouring it all out to Raina.

“Sometimes,” he continued, his voice barely above a whisper, “I still hear her voice. I see her face in my dreams. It’s not just guilt… it’s this constant… weight. Like I failed her, and if I let myself be happy, I’m betraying her memory somehow.” He said. 

Raina’s heart clenched. She wanted to take his pain and shoulder it herself if she could, but she knew this wasn’t something she could fix for him. Instead, she moved closer, still holding the sheet around her, and pressed her forehead to his.

“You didn’t fail her, Tyler,” she said softly. “You loved her, and you did your duty. That’s not failure. That’s life being unfair. Know this, and be peaceful.” She said. 

His eyes closed briefly, as if her words were too much to bear. “And now, I’m here with you, feeling things I didn’t think I could feel again, and it scares the hell out of me. I don’t want to hurt you, Raina. I don’t want to lose you, ever.” He said. 

“You won’t,” she said, meaning it. “I’m not Harper, Tyler. And I don’t mean that to dismiss what you had with her. I just mean… I’m here. I’m alive, and I choose to be with you. You’re not pushing me away because of fear… not this time.” She said.

He pulled back slightly, looking at her with a mixture of awe and uncertainty. “How can you be so sure?” he asked. 

Raina smiled, her hand lifting to cup his cheek. “Because I know what I want, and it’s you. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that life doesn’t come with guarantees. We just have to live it, day by day, and love the people who make it worth living. You make it worth living for me, Tyler.” She said. 

His breath hitched, and for a moment, he couldn’t speak. He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close, burying his face in her hair.

“I don’t deserve you,” he murmured, his voice breaking.

Raina chuckled softly, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Maybe not. But you’ve got me anyway.” She said with a small smile.

They sat like that for a long while, wrapped in each other, their unspoken fears and hopes blending into the silence. For the first time in years, Tyler felt a flicker of something he thought he had lost forever peace.