Chapter Eight

“Come on, give us a beer! We’ve been here before, oh.” To my great frustration at what was happening, I inadvertently shouted at the barmaid who was there. When he heard this, he immediately hurried to the action and then dropped the beer I had been asking for earlier.

“Ma’am, just calm down. We can talk about your problem,” Rod whispered behind me now. He also seems to be scared of my screams.

And that is even more frustrating! How many times does he have to call me Ma’am today?!

“I am your wife, you idiot.” I just whispered to myself. Whatever I want to do to the man, I will definitely look crazy.

How can he be my husband if I am not in his life?

I quickly took the handle and then turned to the man again. “You should take a seat! Are you my bodyguard?”

“Ma’am, I still need to watch over you—”

“Can you. . . Can you stop calling me ‘Ma’am’?”

Honestly, I don’t even really know what’s happening to me anymore.

I feel so disappointed in what is happening. Who doesn’t, alright? I considered Rod a husband for four years, then after he suddenly happened that even my hair was not familiar.

Wait, I need to get a hold of myself. If I really want to get to the plan, I should be even more calm.

Come on, Jewel. Just give it a shot.

“Where do you live?” I asked calmly. I need to figure it all out. I need to know the truth. Does he really know anything about it?

“Ah, in Tondo, Ma’am.”

The first answer seemed to pierce my heart immediately. He did not live there before we met. He lives near the milk tea shop near BGC where he used to work.

What the hell is happening? Why do I need to figure this out alone?

“If it is that far, why are you still working for the company?” I sipped the glass of beer I was holding, and I felt like it was covering the way I was feeling.

“No one else will accept me, Ma’am. I just thank the company for accepting me,” he said and then started drinking.

“But that’s a lot of hard work. Considering you still travel, then work still awaits you in the company,” I said.

I was actually amazed at how casual our conversation was. In four years, when was the last time we talked like this with Rod at home?

Rod then always fell on the bed upon arrival from work. I understand that, especially since daddy was able to remove him from the company then, so he tried any sideline.

Then and now. . . Rod is still really diligent.

“I need to, Ma’am, eh. My wife and my son depend on me.”

I wanted to get rid of the annoyance because he just called me Ma’am, but a dagger had already entered my chest.

His wife and his son depend on him.

And that’s definitely not Jihan and me. Fuck.

“Wife?” I did everything to act calm but still did not escape the seeming automatic shaking of my hands.

“Yes, Ma’am. I have to work hard for them, especially for Christmas again. I would like my family to visit somewhere. That’s why I took your offer earlier.” He laughed softly after speaking. If I have something with Rod that I did not see before, it is his being more passionate about what he is doing.

And it used to be very painful for me.

In our last conversation, he said he was sorry for me and regrets every. After now, he was into another family.

Everything may be messy right now, but there is only one thing I understand best.

It is possible that I will not be able to return.

It is possible that I will never return to my former family. I can no longer touch Jihan’s tiny hands, I can no longer hear the laughter or even his cries.

It is possible that I will not have to wait until six o’clock in the evening for Rod to come home from work.

It is possible to erase everything and just keep them in my memory.

“C-Can I meet them?”

He was obviously surprised by what I said.

“Take them to the company then I will shoulder all the expenses for your trip.”

His shock was quickly replaced by amazement and delight. “Really, Ma’am?!”

What’s more painful is, I never even saw him so happy before.

“God, Ma’am. I will never reject you, will I? That’s a blessing. Then. . .” He scratched his head slightly. “My son, he’s been tattooing me even though the bonus still runs a long time.”

I have not heard anything else in the following time but stories about his son and wife. I just stuck to the fact that I was no longer. It just wasn’t clear to me if our four-year marriage was real.

Which is really the dream? Those four years or what is happening to me now?

My eyes widened when I turned on the phone. The calls and messages from mommy were there.

Mommy

8:35 pm

We have been contacting you since earlier. Your daddy has been looking for you. Go home

I looked again at the companion with tired eyes. He is now talking on the phone with obvious pleasure.

“Yes, ‘nak! It’s close, okay? Just tell your mom that I’m going home too.”

No Rod. . . no. . . I am your wife.