Chapter Eighteen

“Daddy, have you seen Jihan?” I continued to cross the high stairs while speaking. I hadn’t seen the child since I woke up.

I was worried that he might go out again and wander around or go out of the subdivision.

“Call Manang Esi. I saw them talking earlier,” daddy said, not even able to remove the eyes on the laptop in front of him.

I easily headed to the kitchen. Maybe it’s because my son started reprimanding daddy’s housemates again. I remember last time Manang Esi just left for a while, my son was putting the ingredients to cook even though he did not know what they were for.

“Jihan?” I was able to enter, but Ate Tess, one of Manang Esi’s companions, greeted me immediately. She pointed the door out to daddy’s small garden so I could easily go.

What does my baby’s business for today, huh?

I automatically smiled when I saw the child squatting while gently caressing the few flowers that were there. From time to time, I also see the opening of his mouth as if he were talking to them.

I slowly approached, and he did not notice, so there I confirmed that Jihan was able to talk to the plants there.

“–I don’t know, but I know something is not okay. I’ve never seen my mother cry like that. I hate to see it. It’s just that I can’t do anything because I still don’t know how to help him. “

It was as if my heart immediately softened, and I could not bear not to hug the child. I also gently stroked his hair and kissed him.

“Mommy, come on! You were there since earlier?” he mentioned, so I just laughed.

I believe Rod about what he said that day. That he will never make a fuss or show up. Finally, I’m at peace. I know this is okay, but Jihan will always see him because somehow, Jihan will accept the situation. And in that one month, I felt more comfortable saying everything to the child now.

I pulled the child into the two empty seats there. Maybe he’s a little bit young, but I know he can understand this now. My son is smart, and he is not light-hearted, so I have high hopes that he will be able to receive you better now.

“Ji? Mommy has something to say. . .” There was a smile on his innocent face when he confronted me, causing me to become more confident in myself, to tell the truth.

“Your mom and dad–”

“You two are fighting, Mama. I already know that. My classmate said it’s normal for Mama and Papa to fight. If you are angry with Papa, Ma, it’s okay with me. Just say it because I also want to see Papa. I miss him again,” he said happily.

In that case, I prefer to back off, but if this is how my child thinks, the child will not be far away.

It is even harder to let go of something that has long since disappeared.

“Nak, listen to Mama first.” I try to strengthen myself as well as hold back the tears.

A month after that conversation, I knew I was okay. But it is different when I know that my child will actually be hurt.

I thought for a month to weigh what I should do, and this was the result then, so I still have to stand by it.

“Mama and Papa, they can no longer get back together. Papa for work, but he still wanted to leave us, Jihan.” The expression on Jihan’s face changed quickly, so I was immediately confused. I touched his cheek and labeled it on my face. “Nak, Papa will never come back to us.”

“No. . .” The tears of the child in front of me continued to flow. “He came back, Mama. He loves me. He loves us. He brought himself back because he wanted to be with us again. “

“Jihan. . . do you still remember what Mama always said before?” At that moment, Jihan got to look into my eyes.

“The one who truly loves you will never abandon you,” we said at the same time and then exchanged a smile.

“But, Mama. . . I believe in Papa. Please, I want to see him.”

I know the child insists on the things he wants to get, but I did not expect him to say that.

I did not immediately wonder why he could not be angry with his father. He left him! He left us. It did not achieve much in Jihan’s life as he grew up. He made many mistakes, but Jihan’s wishes did not change— he still wanted to see his father.

“Jihan, we can’t. He promised he wouldn’t bother us anymore. He won’t disturb us anymore, and we should thank him for doing that–”

“Mama, why? Didn’t you say let’s just be grateful for what Jesus gives? He gave us the opportunity to be with Dad again. Why don’t we take that opportunity? “

I was restrained for a few seconds. I did not want to, but I admit he was right, but our situation is different now.

Five years. . . That was five years, and Rod had just left us, and when he came back, he said nothing, even a brief explanation?

It is very different. The situation is very different.

“He left us, Jihan. Listen to Mommy. He left us then, and he will leave us again now–”

“No! He left us back then because you sent him away!” Although I was shocked by the child’s sudden shout, somehow, I understood him. It is also difficult to accept, especially since it is not yet the right age for such things but only now does he need to know the truth.

I do not want my child to hope because I will be the first to be hurt when that happens.

“Jihan! Get back here!”

“I want to be alone, please.”

He hurried out, and I did not look back, so I decided to just let it go first.

My son is smart. I know it can do everything too and I don’t have to hurry.

•••

“How did you say Jihan wasn’t there ?! I just talked to him earlier!”

He’s here. I know they are just fooling me. Why would I lose my child? Why would he leave then? Why and how could he leave the house with a few guards?

“But, Ma’am Jewel. . . He’s really not in her room. It was locked, so Tess and I took the key and then opened it. Jihan is no longer there. We also looked at the garden, pool, and the few rooms he could hide in, but we did not find anything. “

My ears almost got burned by what I heard. What’s wrong with my son?! How did he get past the men who were not far from the gate?

I was ready to shout when Kuya Kiel approached me, who had changed a lot but was still kind to us, especially to Jihan.

“Ma’am, Sir is asking for you in the basement. He saw Jihan on CCTV–”

It was rude, but I was not able to let Kuya Kiel finish. I quickly ran to the nearest door to the lowest floor.

“Dad! Jihan?” Instead of answering, he immediately presented me with the monitor and played in the situation where Jihan ran out of the back and small space of the house. It didn’t carry anything, but it was better dressed than it was when we talked this morning.

“Where is he going?!” I said angrily.

And as I have repeatedly said, my son is smart. I know it doesn’t just leave the house without knowing what to do. I’m sure my son has a plan. . . and I seem to know that.

I quickly went back to my own room and took the car key. If what I think about the child’s plan is true, I have to hurry so I can stop Jihan.

Why is he still chasing his father?

I continued driving even though I was overwhelmed, and I was almost overwhelmed by thoughts. What is wrong with him? I told him the truth. His dad left us, but she couldn’t even get angry?!

Her dad would have been with her when I was in treatment, but what? Because Rod left without saying goodbye, we were forced to disturb Faye even though she also had her own job.

Even though his father’s place is far away, I know Jihan did everything he could to research it. But he’s nine! What if he was suddenly overtaken by someone and then got kidnapped?

This is all Rod’s fault. If he hadn’t shown up, my son would not have gone with him.

Why did he come back? Why didn’t he just stay where he was?

I hate him! To death!

And if anything bad happens to my son, I, myself, will kill that animal.

What did I do to Rod? I did everything to be a good wife and mother to our family! I exhausted myself to be good, but what did he do?

When I exhausted myself and finally lost myself, he just left without saying goodbye.

Whose fault is it all, though?

In the middle of my thoughts, Faye’s call suddenly rang throughout the car. I answered that immediately, especially since it also needs to know what is happening now.

I was about to speak when a friend preceded me.

“Jewel ?! Where are you?”

Surprised by the friend’s panic, I did nothing but answer her and set aside what I was going to tell about the child. “I’m driving. Faye, Jihan–”

“Jihan is in the hospital!”

I almost sank into the driver’s windshield with my brake.

“W-What happened to my son?”

There was a moment of silence on the other line before Faye continued to speak. “Look, calm down, okay? This isn’t about Jihan anymore–”

“This is about Jihan! What happened to him?”

“—Andrei saw him at the Central Hospital. I think you have to go there. Hurry!”

It’s confusing and scary, but I quickly put it aside. I dropped the call and immediately drove the car to the said place.