Chapter 24 Trust
When she had awoke, Raina thought she’d be alone, having grown accustomed to a solitary morning routine. Kian would normally be up and about before the time she awoke. Except this morning, she heard the shower going in their shared suite and heard it shut off by the time forced herself to get out of bed.
Kian was still here? Interesting.
It wasn’t unheard of. Maybe he had gone for a run and needed a shower, opting for his shower rather than the showers at the Training Grounds. Last night, he had been called away during their evening ritual and it seemed important. She predicted he had his work cut out for him today, probably sitting down with Sebastian and whoever was involved to sort out whatever happened. She used to be right there and he used to listen to her intently. She used to be of service and he used to be grateful for her insight.
Instead of disturbing him and getting disappointed, she would just ask Poppy later on, because she knew he’d try to deflect the conversation. It felt weird not being on the ins, considering she was his female Beta. Well, she used to be his righthand along with Sebastian. Now, she was just left wondering what was going on. Nobody wanted to fill her in, afraid it would affect her stress levels and influence her ability to get pregnant.
It was childish, but it hurt her that he would no longer come to her about pack problems like she couldn’t handle them anymore. She noticed the slow decline of him sharing these things with her. The last thing he discussed with her was about not worrying about the World Council retaliating against them. Even though he was willing to gloss over it to her, it didn’t mean she believed for a second that it wasn’t a big deal.
Did he stop thinking she was a capable of Beta? If she failed to be a Luna, would he even accept her anymore as a Beta? A Beta would know what was going on and she felt so cut off from her former life. Her only saving grace was Poppy, who refused to follow protocols.
Poppy knew how hard she fought to rise to that position to be chosen as his Beta. She knew how much it meant to her to have Kian actually chose her over everyone else. She felt like she had actually accomplished something, gaining his trust. The way he’d praise her whenever he loved a certain strategy or how she took down her attacker, she ate it up like a sad pathetic puppy dog, waiting for the next time to get praised.
Her fear of being no longer useful to him caused her to panic. What if she didn’t get pregnant and she turned out to be exactly what everyone said? Delta class was different than civilian class. Civilian pack members were enamored by Mia. Delta class knew her accomplishments and stuck by their own, but loyalty couldn’t save her if she didn’t produce actual results.
She was so deep into her thoughts that she hadn’t realized she wasn’t alone until the intensity of his woodsy scent surrounded her. Her eyes widened as she took in her freshly out of the shower Alpha clad only in a towel wrapped around his waist.
“I know that look,” he said, his eyes narrowing in on her. “You’re always so deep in your thoughts and mind.”
He used to love that about her, always coming up with something. Her heart twisted, but she stamped down her surge of emotions. “What happened last night?”
His dark eyes searched hers. The hesitation in his eyes and face spoke volumes. Why did she even bother? Looking away, she blinked back her tears as she waited for the excuse she knew would come.
“Still looking into it,” he told her.
Yet again, another vague answer, she thought to herself. “Of course you are.”
She shook her head, a bitter smile crossing her face. He kept telling her wanted a Beta for Luna. He kept telling her that he didn’t want her to change yet he had changed her role fairly quickly. She tried to walk by him, but he put his arm to stop her.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked. His tone had grown darker, but she didn’t care.
She glanced up at him. “Nothing. I need to go to the bathroom, Kian. I just got up.” She looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to drop his arm. Barely restrained, his jaw clenched and his eyes darkened a fraction, but he did drop his arm to let her pass. “Thank you.”
With that, she walked into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. It took a moment for her to collect herself and realize what she had done. Why were her emotions getting to her so suddenly? She swallowed, feeling like her emotions were all over the place. She used to be able to push it aside and never let her emotions rule her mind.
She was dreading coming back out, but she was just prolonging the inevitable. The moment she opened the door, Kian’s eyes pinned her into place. The stormy look in his eyes spoke volumes. He looked like he had enough of everything and she had been his last broken thread.
“I have no time to play games today, Raina,” he told her, crossing him arms. “Tell me what’s wrong and I’ll fix it.”
Like it was so easy to fix? She was becoming an emotional basketcase and it was all his fault. At least, when she became his Beta, she knew what was expected of her. When she was just his Beta, she didn’t have to worry about being intimate, being bred, having children, and being someone’s mate. She worried about training the Deltas, territorial disputes, protecting the pack, backing up her Alpha, and eventually protecting the Luna at all costs.
“Nothing’s wrong,” she muttered with a sigh as she tried to walk by him.
He growled at her refusal to confide in him. Well, tough, now he knew exactly how she felt! Damn, when had she become so moody? He put out his arm, stopping her from walking off. She swallowed when his arm wrapped around her waist and his other hand pressed against her hip to keep her in place.
“Liar,” he whispered. Her eyes flicked to his. “You don’t want to tell me what’s wrong? Okay, that’s fine, but don’t lie to say that there’s nothing wrong.”
She smirked. “Doesn’t it suck?” He frowned in confusion at her words, but she didn’t let that get to her. “Doesn’t it suck knowing that something is going on, but that person refuses to tell you what’s bothering them?”
“Raina--”
“You refuse to be honest with me. Don’t expect me to be honest with you. It works both ways,” she growled, struggling to push him away while trying desperately not to be distracted by the amount of skin in front of her.
Of course, Kian was immovable. His body was akin to a greek god with his bulging muscles on full display. Did he do that on purpose? Did have to stand around shirtless with only a towel wrapped around his waist? In the daylight, he looked divine as the sunlight showed every defined curve and line of his muscles. Great, her body had a mind of its own, desperately wanting to melt into him while her mind was already losing the battle of staying mad.
Oh, for the love of… Was she mad or not? Was she angry for becoming a vessel for sex and breeding or not? Was she angry at the frustrating transition from Beta to Luna? She hated that her emotions were swinging extremely in one direction only to swing in the other.
“Raina, what are you so mad about?” His tone was angry and frustrated as he continued to block her from escaping him. His body pressed flush against hers.
Unable to think straight when he was so damn close, she shoved him back. “You said you wanted a Beta as a Luna, but you lied.” She glared at him. His eyes were a threatening storm, ready to wreak havoc on anything and everybody. “Tell me, Alpha, would you have normally told me what happened last night if I just was your Beta?”
His eyes burned into hers. His jaw bunched. His silence spoke more than any words.
“Does Sebastian know?” she asked. His hand curled into fists in his barely restrained anger. His chest was rising and falling as he tried to rein in his aggression. “So no, Kian, I’m not going to tell you what’s wrong with me when you refuse to tell me what’s bothering you. Trust goes both ways.”
She turned from him to walk further into her Luna suite. Her anger won out in the end. Her traitorous body finally fell in line with her emotions. Even though, she knew when she thought about it later on that she’d probably regret this, but for now, it was a small victory.
“You’re right.”
His word stopped her cold in her tracks, freezing her in place. She didn’t want to look at him, because she knew she’d cave like she always did when it came to him.
“I have been keeping things from you,” he admitted with a sigh. “But I felt that it was necessary. You’re already dealing with so much and I didn’t want to overwhelm you.”
For some reason, it hurt her more for him to admit the truth. “Did you or did you not chose me as your Beta?”
“Raina, it’s not the same anymore and you know it.” His tone was frustrated and annoyed.
She spun around. Unshed tears in her eyes as she stared right into his. “Did you bother asking me if I’d prefer to be your Beta or Luna? Did you ever ask me once if I wanted to play the part of your Luna? Like personally ask me?” She shook her head, showing her own annoyance at the situation. “I can tell you this much. I’d rather be your Beta any day than your Luna.”
His eyes flashed at that. Anger roared to rage as he stalked over to her. She could feel his Alpha aura pressing down upon her, but she stayed put, too emotional to submit to him. Instead, she stared up at him as he approached. His hands cupped her face so she couldn’t look away as he leaned down. His mouth was barely a gap away from hers.
“I’d tread carefully,” he whispered against her lips. She knew his wolf was pushing dangerously close to the surface ready to meet the challenge she hadn’t realized she had issued until now.
She grabbed at his wrists, tugging them a little bit even though she knew it was futile. “At least, when I was your Beta, you trusted me with your life.”
“I still do trust you with my life, Raina,” he told her. “I trust you so much that I’m putting my legacy in your very hands. Don’t you see that? My bloodline relies on you. The fate of our pack relies on you.”
Her heart raced her chest at what he confessed. Her eyes widened in shocked disbelief. He shook his head as a bitter smile slanted across his mouth.
“Don’t you get it yet?” Those words came out as whispered plea. It was like he was almost afraid to admit it or to say them aloud in case someone could hear him. She stayed riveted in place as one hand released the side of her face and traveled down her body until it slipped beneath her arm to wrapped around her back. “You’ve become the most important person in my life right now. You’ve become the most important person to our pack, because I’m putting my trust in you.”
“Kian,” she gasped, but he shook his head obviously not finished with destroying every obstacle in her mind and heart that prevented her from being owned by him. Every word he said put her in her place. Every word made painstakingly clear sense and it was breaking her heart with all the emotions pouring out of him.
“Lunas aren’t weak. They don’t hide behind bodyguards, because they can’t handle themselves. Bodyguards guard them, because without his Luna, an Alpha will burn the world down and destroy anything in his path if one hair on her head is touched. Trust me, Raina, I will kill anyone that lays a finger on you. I gave you the keys to my kingdom, because I trust you with everything that I have and everything I am.”
She swallowed thickly. No, she hadn’t expected that. She hadn’t expected all of that to come out of him… especially clad in only a towel. Shame and guilt flooded her. Even though he had been keeping things from her, she had been keeping things from him too. She had been for years. What right did she have to question him especially with all the words he just confessed? Would he even trust her after when he found out she was actually his fated mate?
Her eyes searched his for a moment. They begged her to accept his truth and have it take root inside of her. She bit her lip as her hands lightly touched against his pecs before her fingertips grazed a slight path down his defined abs. Her fingers curled into the fabric of his towel.
Confusion filled his eyes and she almost laughed at the swift change in his demeanor. She licked her lips nervously as she tugged the towel off of him, letting it pool on the ground at his feet.
“I’m done with my monthly bleed,” she finally told him.
His eyes lit savagely at her obvious invitation. A small smile touched the corners of his mouth before his mouth captured hers in a searing kiss that burned a path of heat through her. Her body was gathered against his and all she could focus on was the fire they were both building between that promised to be the death of her.
Maybe, she needed to burn up into ashes so she could rise up like a Phoenix. He had chosen his Beta and unbeknownst to him his fated mate to be his Luna. When his hands rid her of her own clothes, she knew it was time to embrace a path she might not be ready for, but she couldn’t let him down.
Trust wasn’t love and love might never come to that, but she would stand by her fated mate even if it ended in fire and ice.