Chapter 19 Secrets He Keeps
When Raina finally remerged from the bathroom, Kian had already gone through most of the documents Sebastian had handed to him earlier.
Earlier before Raina awoke, he and Sebastian had met up in his personal office to discuss the aftermath of last night’s meeting. Sebastian had told him that the Elder Council had scheduled another meeting after witnessing last night’s events and wanted Raina to be in attendance. Sebastian didn’t even question him when he wanted financial details on how much it would cost to put up a walled in perimeter in place of the diamond link fence currently installed. His Beta only chuckled and told him he’d get the numbers as soon as possible.
He vowed he’d be here when she awoke, because this conversation needed to be had. He had no intention of letting this slide. She had been playing these games and trying to sabotage herself. She could think that Elder Council had a say over these matters, but the Elder Council couldn’t break up a fated union between mates. It was in their sacred rites and laws. If he had to make it known that he knew, he would to lay claim to what was rightfully his even if Raina tried to fight him on it.
He was taking a sip of his apple cider when Raina walked in wearing that fluffy crimson robe he picked out for her. The light smell of roses, honey, chamomile, and jasmine came off her skin mixed with his woodsy scent. He didn’t know what her actual natural scent smelled like, but for now, this was his favorite scent.
She walked over to his bed and plopped back down on the end of it as if she belonged here in his very room. He bit his bottom lip, studying her as she toweled off her hair. He hadn’t seen her hair ever taken out of her braid and he wanted that light brown hair spilling across his pillows and across his mattress. He wanted to curl his fingers into it as he held her in place to kiss her senseless.
“Sasha made you a turkey sandwich, salad, and soup,” he told her, gesturing to the tray on the night stand.
Her eyes immediately went to it. It wasn’t a surprise to him when she got up to retrieve the tray. Just like before, he watched as she plopped back down his bed and placed the tray on the mattress. She carefully climbed up on the bed and reached for one half of the sandwich. He waited until she took her first bite and he couldn’t help but smile.
He waited patiently as she polished off her sandwich before he brought up what needed to be addressed.
“Are you going to bring it up or do I have to?” he finally asked her, watching her tense momentarily.
Her eyes flicked to his, hesitating a moment before sighing. “I’m not cut out to be your Luna. Someone like Mia would be your most suitable match.”
“And you didn’t think to discuss it with me?” he asked, leaning back in the armchair. She frowned in confusion. “Instead, you go out of your way come up with ways to nail your point home?”
She licked her lips nervously. “It’s better to show not tell.”
“Is it?” He crossed his arms over his chest. “As a Beta, you would’ve trusted my judgment. You wouldn’t dare to question it. Why is this different?”
“Because it is different,” she murmured, looking away from his eyes. “I wasn’t meant for this life, Kian.”
The irony of her words brought a crooked smile to his face, because she didn’t know that he knew the truth. She was meant for this life. She was meant for this role. She was his fated mate for fuck’s sake. A savage desire to shred his claws through all her foolishness was tempting and just reveal the truth that he craved for her to know. How would she react then? Would she attempt to deny it?
Instead, he just stared at her until her gaze met his. He didn’t like that his strong Beta, the most skilled warrior of his entire army, was cowering. When he had chosen her, it wasn’t because he wanted a suitable Luna. He wanted someone who would stand with him and embrace his vision.
The changes he wanted to put in placed required a warrior, not a Luna. There was this misconception that Lunas couldn’t be warrior like. He didn’t know why only this softer, demure side of Lunas eclipsed all types when in the past Lunas were warriors. Yes, Mia embodied this demure side, but she wasn’t without her claws. There was a side of her that was cruel and savage that hid below all that decorum and etiquette. There was a distinct difference between Mia’s savageness to Raina’s. Raina had a hard exterior, but there was a softness within her that reflected her authentic kindness. There were often times that he wondered if Mia’s compassionate nature was just an act.
When Raina was outside last night, he wanted that wolf. He wanted that untamed woman challenging him, laughing in the face of pure dominance, and rebelling against him. He wanted that wolf who stood her ground and outsmarted him. He wanted a warrior not a politician. He wanted hard resolve not diplomacy. He wanted her — the shewolf that could take down anyone that dared to challenge her. He wanted that stubborn shewolf in his bed last night that refused to give him the immediate satisfaction of giving into him too quickly.
“I didn’t chose you to be my Luna to lose sight of who you are,” he told her and confusion once again clouded her eyes. “I never wanted someone like Mia to be my Luna. I don’t think I ever realized it when I was with her. At the time, I was so fixated on wanting what my parents had.”
He chewed his bottom lip as he studied Raina. He wanted someone just like the woman in front of him. Mia was the embodiment of a blinding illusion of what he had believed he wanted. She fit the mold of the perfect Luna to his idea of what a perfect Alpha was. Mia was the granddaughter of a Beta and the daughter of a Gamma. Her bloodline was involved with politics even politics that were beyond this pack.
“I felt like I couldn’t be myself at times,” he admitted aloud.
It was a truth he never came to terms with, because he had been with Mia for so long. With Raina in front of him, he finally could, seeing his true mate in all her glory and what he would’ve lost if he had gone through with choosing Mia as his mate. She trusted him as her Alpha to make the right decisions even if they were against the Elder Council. He knew she would stand by him as she had for the years since she was eighteen and trained to be his best warrior. She rose through the ranks of Delta class to be seen by him and he had almost killed her with his misguided beliefs of fated mates. He had once said that fated mates were a weakness that an Alpha couldn’t afford to make and Mia had ate that up.
He never told Raina his mistrust in the Amato bloodline. It was something that he had discussed with Sebastian when he had broken up with Mia. Sebastian was his best friend since the very beginning before he was his Beta so their friendship surpassed that of the usual Alpha-Beta bond. Sebastian admitted that he never had been fond of Mia, but out of respect for him, he never voiced it and would protect her at all costs if she had become his Luna.
Sebastian confessed that he did find it strange that at one point before Mia had come into the picture that Kian had actually wanted to wait for his mate. That was when Kian started questioning his sanity, because that wasn’t what he remembered since he had believed wholeheartedly against fated mates. Sebastian had laughed at that, telling him that the day before he decided to take up with Mia that the both of them had made a pact to wait for their fated mates.
What bothered him was that he vaguely remembered it, but it was difficult, causing him intense headaches as he forced himself to think back. He found it was difficult to remember a lot of his childhood and adolescence. He only remembered it clearly and vividly after Mia and him had gotten together. Since that startling realization, they had been looking into the Amato family for those three years she had left.
It wasn’t that he hadn’t trusted Raina with this information, but at the time, he hadn’t wanted it to get out. The more people that knew, the more the possibility of others finding out got higher. For three years, his memories started coming back. His old self started to return and his wolf was getting stronger and more defiant in the face of certain members of the Elder Council. It was like the fog had finally lifted and his sleeping wolf awoke in violence and anger, because he hadn’t even noticed that his wolf side had become so sedated.
“But you were together for nine years,” she gasped, eyes widening in surprise.
“Yes, I was.”
There was no point in denying that truth. Everyone else believed that he was still madly in love with Mia. That was where it all got complicated, because he didn’t know what part she played in this. Had she ever loved him? Had she even cared? They had been together for so long. He had hoped that her feelings were genuine. They had gotten together young when they were sixteen and he hated to think she had knew from the very beginning. There was a part of him, even if he was still confused by everything, that still loved her and trusted her, but it was now gradually being tainted by suspicion.
It had been Elder Richmond that pushed him to take a Luna and Mia mysteriously reappeared. When he first saw her again, he thought he’d feel something for her, but instead, he felt guarded and wary like instinctively he didn’t trust her or her reasons for being here.
“But these three years have opened my eyes to a lot of things that I probably wouldn’t have seen if I still had been with her,” he told Raina carefully, not wanting reveal anything just yet.
He knew he would need to, but the more she knew, the more danger she would be in and she was already in danger for being his chosen Luna-to-be. He hadn’t wanted the stress of this secret on top of the pressure of her producing him an heir and eventually being claimed to swamp her.
“I’m no longer that boy I once was,” he promised her, trying to convey that he was no longer that boy infatuated by Mia.
She tilted her head, studying him intently as if he was a puzzle to solve. “What does the real you want then?”
“I want someone that will stand by me like a warrior… like a Beta,” he revealed bluntly. She inhaled sharply. It was the easiest thing to put into words what he wanted when it came to her. “I want that shewolf that challenged me last night. I want that untamed shewolf that rebelled against me. I want the shewolf that forced me to run after her, outsmarted me, and rubbed it in my face. I want that shewolf that helped train my army. That is who I want. I want my Beta to be my Luna not my Beta to transform into a Luna. I want you exactly how you are.”
He leaned forward setting his elbows on his knees. His eyes searched hers as she looked at him in awed shock. She swallowed and he knew she was just processing everything he had said. He needed a warrior by his side, but everything in him screamed in him instinctively that pandora’s box would be unearthed once the truth came to the surface.
“Now, will you trust in me like you used to? Will you trust in me as you once did when you were just my Beta?” he asked softly, because he needed his fated mate on his side.
He needed her to trust in him. He knew how hypocritical it was considering what secrets he also kept, but he couldn’t trust her yet if she continued to run from their destiny. He needed her on the same page, because everything would be turned inside out and upside down when all would be revealed. The last thing he wanted was for her to become a casualty so he was waiting for the most opportune time.
That familiar hard steely resolve in her eyes caused his heart to jump at the reappearance. Finally. He could finally rest easy with that small reassurance. Even though she didn’t do anything for him to know, she nodded her as a small smile touched her lips.
“Always.”
“Eat up,” he told her, settling back against his armchair to continue looking over the documents.
Distracting himself from rushing over there and showing her his appreciation, he forced himself to focus on the words in front of his face. After a few moments, he glanced over at her as she turned her attention to eating the rest of her salad and soup. He couldn’t help his own smile from emerging.
But just in case she decided to play her game of chase, he’d be ready. Those walls would be installed in place of a fence. His little shewolf wouldn’t be outsmarting him a second time.