Chapter 80 Matters of the womb

Chapter 80 Matters of the womb
I found Cardan in his study.

He was hunched over his desk, surrounded by maps and reports. The northern border crisis had worsened in recent days, the Ghost Raiders had attacked three more villages, and the garrisons were stretched to breaking point. Cardan had been spending hours every day with his military advisors, trying to find a solution.

"Nyx." He looked up as I entered. "I was just about to send for you."

"I have news. Two letters." I held them up. "One from Eris. One from Sebastian."

His expression sharpened. "What do they say?"

I handed him the letters. He read Eris's first, his eyes moving rapidly across the page, his frown deepening with each line.

"The Duskbringer," he said. "Your brother believes this creature is drawn to Morrigan blood. To you."

"Yes."

"And that the Umbral Host's attacks are connected to it."

"It would explain why they latched onto Ash. Why they've been watching me. Why the Ghost Raiders have been so focused on the northern mountains." I paused. "It would also explain the Seer's vision."

"The Seer's vision?"

I had told him about the vision, but only in broad strokes. Now, I told him everything. 

When I finished, Cardan was silent for a long time.

"You should have told me sooner," he said.

"I know. I was afraid."

"Of what?"

"Of what it might mean. Of what I might have to do." I met his eyes. "The Seer said I was at a crossroads. That my choice would determine the fate of two realms. I didn't know what choice she meant. I still don't."

Cardan rose and crossed the room. He took my hands in his, his grip warm and steady.

"Whatever choice you have to make," he said, "you won't make it alone. I'm with you, Nyx. Always."

"I know."

"Good." He released my hands and picked up the second letter. "Now. What does the new King of Valdris have to say?"

I watched his face as he read. Sebastian's words about friendship. The invitation to the coronation. The desperate loneliness beneath the formal language.

"He's asking us to attend," Cardan said. "Three weeks from now."

"Can we go?"

"The northern border...." 

"Will still be there when we return. This is important, Cardan. Sebastian is about to become a king. He needs allies. He needs to know that Aurelia stands with him."

Cardan was quiet for a moment. Then he nodded. "You're right. We should go. Both of us."

I blinked. "You'll come with me?"

"I'm not letting you face Elowyn's schemes alone. And I'm not letting you face the new King of Valdris alone either." He smiled, a little rueful. "I'm told he's quite charming."

"He's a friend. Nothing more."

"I know. But I'm still coming." He pulled me close. "Besides, I hear the coronation parties in Valdris are legendary. I could use a party."

I laughed against his chest. "You hate parties."

"I hate Aurelian parties. Human parties are different. They have better wine."

"Your priorities are questionable."

"My priorities are you. The wine is secondary."

We stood in the study, wrapped in each other's arms, the letters forgotten on the desk. Outside, the sun was setting over Aurelia Prime, painting the sky in shades of amber and rose.

But in my mind, I saw the Seer's vision. The throne room in ruins. Cardan on his knees. Elowyn's black crown.

Your choice will determine the fate of two realms.

The choice was coming. I could feel it. I just didn't know what it was yet.

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Cressida arrived at my chambers just after a hearty breakfast.

I had been reviewing reports from the northern border, the Ghost Raiders had attacked two more villages, and the northern lords were requesting additional reinforcements. I had told Cardan I wanted to be kept abreast of all the issues, but looking at the reports made me tired. I was almost grateful for the interruption.

Almost.

"Your Majesty." Cressida swept in, she was wearing her signature rose gown again, and smelled of roses and freshly picked flowers. She was carrying a small basket covered with a lace cloth. "I've brought you more of the fertility tea. This one is even more potent than the last one. That reminds me, have you been drinking..."

I set down the report. "Cressida, I appreciate the thought, but..." 

"You have been drinking it, haven't you?" She set the basket on my writing desk and began unpacking small bundles of dried herbs. "The tea is most effective when taken twice daily. Morning and evening. With honey, if the taste is too bitter."

"I have been drinking it." I sometimes forgot. The only ones who could be sure whether or not I took the tea frequently were my handmaidens. And I had no doubt they would do their duty when it comes to that. 

"And the other preparations? The oils? The ritual baths?"

"The oils, yes. The baths..." I hesitated. "I've been busy."

"Busy." Cressida's expression was gently reproachful. "Nyx, you cannot afford to be busy. Not now. Not with Lady Freya's pregnancy advancing every day. She is to give birth in the next few months."

"I'm aware of Lady Freya's pregnancy."

"Are you? Because from where I'm standing, it seems like you're doing everything you can to ignore it." Cressida lowered herself into the chair across from my desk. "The court is talking. They're saying that if Freya's child is a boy, the conservative lords will push for him to be named heir within hours of his birth. It's not unusual for the child of a mistress to have an heir but it would be more favorable if it was you."

"Let them push."

"Let them..." Cressida stared at me. "Nyx, do you understand what that would mean? If Freya's child is named heir, your position becomes... very complicated. The child would be the future king. Freya would be the mother of the future king. And trust me, being the mother of the future king is a highly revered position. And you would be..." 

"Just as I am. The Queen Consort. The foreign wife. The woman who failed to produce an heir." I met her eyes. "I know what they're saying. I've already heard the whispers."

"Then why aren't you doing anything?"

"What can I do? You know childbearing is hard for faes like you mentioned."

Cressida's mouth fell open. "Don't you care? How can you not care?"