Chapter 39 Truth and Farewells
My heart was pounding. My shadows stirred, curling around my ankles like anxious cats.
"You're brave," I said quietly. "Braver than most. Braver than me."
"Is that a rejection?"
"It's an acknowledgment." I stepped closer. "You are a good man, Sebastian Valois. You will be a good king. And someday, you will make someone very happy."
"But not you."
"But not me."
He nodded slowly. His expression was sad but not surprised. He had known. Of course he had known.
"Can I ask why?" he said. "Is it him? The King? Do you perhaps feel something for him?"
"It's not about Cardan. It's about me." I searched for the right words. "I've spent my entire life being defined by other people. The Princess of Hel. The betrothed. The monster. The queen. I'm still figuring out who I am when none of those titles apply. And until I know that, until I know myself, I fear I can't give myself to anyone."
"That's very wise."
"It's very frustrating. But it's the truth."
Sebastian smiled. It was a sad smile, but genuine. "You know, I think I love you even more now. Which is deeply inconvenient."
"Love is deeply inconvenient. I've been told that by several reliable sources."
"Your brothers?"
"My brother Maz. My handmaidens. An ancient spider-weaver who read my fortune." I returned his smile. "You'll survive this, Sebastian. You're resilient. I like that about humans."
"I'm human. Resilience is what we do." He reached out and took my hand. Raised it to his lips. Pressed a kiss to my knuckles that was gentle and reverent and utterly chaste. "Goodbye, Queen Nyx. If you ever need an ally, if you ever need a friend, my kingdom will welcome you."
"And if you ever need a terrifying shadow-wielder to threaten your enemies, you know where to find me."
He laughed. "I'll hold you to that."
He released my hand. Walked to the door. Paused.
"You deserve to be happy," he said without turning around. "Do not forget that. If he cannot give you that, I'm more than happy to offer you all the happiness in the world on a silver platter."
Then he was gone.
I stood alone in my chambers, the rain streaking down the windows, and wondered why doing the right thing felt so much like loss.
\-————————————-
That evening, the human delegation departed.
I watched from my balcony as their carriages rolled through the palace gates, a line of blue and silver against the golden sprawl of Aurelia Prime. Sebastian rode at the head of the procession, I recognized his copper hair, the set of his shoulders, the way he sat a horse like he had been born in the saddle.
He didn't look back.
I didn't expect him to.
"Goodbye, Sebastian, my friend," I murmured. "Be a good king."
Ash, perched on the railing beside me, made a small inquiring sound.
"No," I told him. "I'm not sad. I'm just... thinking."
He didn't believe me. He never did.
\-————————————-
The investigation into the northern border could not wait any longer.
The next day, I dressed in a simple gown of dark violet, not quite Hel black, not quite Aurelian gold, a compromise that felt like armor, and went looking for my husband.
I found Cardan in his study, surrounded by maps and reports. Lord Castellan was with him, droning on about trade routes and grain supplies. I waited in the doorway until Castellan noticed me.
"Your Majesty," he said, his voice carefully neutral. "I was just briefing the King on..."
"The northern trade routes," I finished. "I heard. Grain supplies. Very important. But I need to speak with my husband. Privately."
Castellan's expression flickered. "The King is quite busy..."
"The King can speak for himself."
Cardan looked up from his maps. His silver eyes met mine. Something passed between us, an acknowledgment, a truce, a memory of the night before and the way our fingers had intertwined in the darkness.
"Leave us, Lord Castellan," Cardan said. "We'll resume tomorrow."
Castellan's jaw tightened, but he bowed and withdrew.
When the door closed, Cardan leaned back in his chair. "That was abrupt. Is everything alright?"
"I've been hearing things," I said. "About the northern border."
"What kind of things?"
"Attacks. Raids. Villages burned. Thirty soldiers dead in a single company. The garrisons understaffed and undersupplied. The northern lords talking about secession." I watched his face carefully. "Tell me how much of that you already know."
Cardan went very still. "Where did you hear this?"
"My handmaidens have contacts . The servants talk. The stewards keep records." I crossed my arms. "You didn't answer my question."
His jaw tightened. "I know there have been skirmishes. Bandit raids. The northern lords have been complaining about border security for years. The northern lords have been handling it."
"Bandit raids don't kill thirty soldiers in a month. Bandit raids don't burn entire villages. There's something else happening up there, Cardan. Something your advisors aren't telling you."
"You don't know that."
"I know that the reports you receive are being filtered. I know that someone, Elowyn, or Castellan, or some other Lord, is deliberately keeping you in the dark about how bad things really are." I stepped closer. "When was the last time you spoke to someone who was actually there? Not a report. Not a summary. An actual soldier who fought on the northern border."
He was silent.
"Captain Aldric," I said. "He escorted me here. He's been stationed in the north before. When was the last time you asked him what he saw?"
"I... don't remember."
"Then let's ask him now."
\---
Captain Aldric arrived a few hours later.
He looked different than he had when he escorted me from Hel, thinner, wearier, his golden armor less polished. There were new lines around his eyes. His shoulder was bandaged beneath his uniform, a wound that hadn't fully healed.
"Your Majesties." He bowed stiffly. "You wished to see me?"
"Captain Aldric." Cardan gestured to a chair. "The Queen tells me you've served on the northern border."
"Yes, Your Majesty. Three tours. Most recently, I commanded a company near the Ironwood Pass."
"The Ironwood Pass. That's one of the areas that's been experiencing... bandit activity."
Aldric's expression flickered. "Bandit activity. Yes. That's what they're calling it."
"And what would you call it?"
Aldric glanced at me. I nodded.
"The truth, Captain," I said quietly. "Whatever it is. The King needs to hear it."
Aldric took a breath. "It's not bandits, Your Majesty. Bandits don't fight in formation. Bandits don't use military tactics. Bandits don't carry weapons forged from shadow-steel." He paused. "The creatures attacking our garrisons are not human. They're not Fae. The fae rebels are using that to their advantage to cause havoc."
Cardan's face was unreadable. "What?"