Chapter 14 The monster underneath the bed
The toast hung in the air like poison.
I felt the eyes of the court on me. Hundreds of them. Waiting to see what I would do. Would I cry? Would I flee? Would I prove Elowyn right by lashing out like the monster they all believed me to be?
My handmaidens stood frozen behind me. Adrian, somewhere in the crowd, was watching with an expression of genuine horror. Cardan, where was Cardan? I couldn't see him. Perhaps he wasn't even here. Perhaps he had known this was coming.
I rose slowly.
My glass was still full. I lifted it.
"Thank you, Princess Elowyn, for that... illuminating toast." My voice was calm. Pleasant. The voice of a princess who was not at all affected. "You're right that Aurelian culture has been an adjustment. I confess I've struggled with it. All this gold, for instance, I keep expecting someone to melt it down and use it for something useful."
A startled laugh from somewhere in the crowd. Adrian, I thought.
"And the sunlight. So much sunlight. I don't know how you all don't go blind." I smiled warmly. "But I'm learning. Just as I'm sure Princess Elowyn would learn if she ever visited Hel. Though I should warn her, we don't have gilded plants in Hel. We prefer our plants alive."
Elowyn's smile had frozen on her face.
"In any case," I continued, "I am grateful for the welcome I've received. Some of you have been very kind. And as for the rest..." I lifted my glass higher. "Well. I've been called a monster for most of my life. I'm quite used to it. But I should remind you all of something."
My shadows began to rise.
It started slowly. A dimming of the candlelight. A chill in the air. Then the shadows themselves began to move, sliding across the floor, curling up the walls, wrapping around the chandeliers like snakes.
The orchestra stopped playing. The courtiers went very, very still.
"Hel is not a place of evil," I said, my voice carrying through the silent ballroom. "It is a sanctuary. A refuge for creatures the surface world hunted and feared and tried to exterminate. My people have survived because we are strong. Because we are powerful. Because when someone threatens us, we do not cower."
The shadows rose higher. The chandeliers flickered. Somewhere, a woman screamed.
"But I am not here to threaten anyone. I am here because an oath binds me to your king. I am here because I gave my word. And I will honor that word, no matter how many thinly veiled insults are thrown at me across dinner tables."
I met Elowyn's eyes. She was pale now, her knuckles white around her glass.
"So by all means, Princess. Keep making your toasts. Keep whispering your rumors. Keep reminding me that I don't belong." I smiled. It was not a kind smile. "I have been an outsider my entire life. It has never once stopped me from getting exactly what I want."
The shadows snapped back into place. The candlelight flared. The room was abruptly, jarringly normal again.
I raised my glass.
"To the Aurelian Court. May we all learn to get along."
I drank.
No one else did.
\-———————————-
The party ended shortly after that.
The courtiers dispersed in clusters, whispering frantically. I caught fragments as they passed, did you see her eyes? and I told you she was dangerous and the stories were true, all of them true.
I stood alone in the center of the ballroom, my shadows still now, my heart pounding in my chest. Ash nuzzled against my cheek, a low rumble of concern vibrating through his small body.
Liriel appeared at my elbow. "Princess. That was..."
"Stupid?"
"I was going to say impressive."
"Same thing, sometimes." I closed my eyes. "They're terrified of me now."
"They were always terrified of you. Now they have a reason."
"That doesn't make it better."
"Doesn't it?"
I opened my eyes. Liriel was looking at me with something that might have been pride.
"You showed them who you are," she said quietly. "They've been poking at you since you arrived, waiting for you to snap. Now you've snapped. Now they know what happens when they push too far."
"The monster under the bed," I murmured. "That's what they'll call me now."
"Let them." Liriel's chin lifted. "Stories have power, Princess. If they want to believe you're a monster, let them. But make sure they remember that monsters bite."
I almost smiled. Almost.
Across the ballroom, I spotted a familiar figure. Adrian, leaning against a pillar with his arms crossed. He was looking at me, not with fear, like the others, but with something that looked remarkably like respect.
He raised his glass in a silent toast.
I inclined my head.
At least one person in this court didn't think I was the villain.
It was a start.
\------------------
I walked back to my quarters alone. My handmaidens had offered to accompany me, but I needed the silence. I needed to process what I had just done.
The corridors were empty. The torches burned low. My shadows trailed behind me, quiet and subdued.
I had lost control tonight. I had let Elowyn's cruelty get under my skin, and I had lashed out in exactly the way they all expected. I had proven them right. I had shown them the monster they wanted to see.
And the worst part was, I couldn't even regret it.
They will never accept you, a voice whispered in my mind. You will always be the wicked princess from the dark realm. You will always be the outsider.
I reached my quarters and pushed open the doors.
Cardan was waiting inside.
He stood by the window, his back to me, his silhouette sharp against the moonlight. He had changed out of his formal clothes into something simple, a dark tunic, no crown, no adornments. He looked exhausted. He looked like a man who had been carrying a weight that was slowly crushing him.
"Your sister threw the first stone," I said. "I only threw it back."
He didn't turn around. "I know."
"Then why are you here? To lecture me? To tell me I've embarrassed you?"
He turned. His silver eyes met mine.
"No," he said quietly. "I'm here because I owe you an apology."
I stared at him.
"I should have told you about Freya," he continued. "I should have known the terms of the Oath. I should have done a hundred things differently, and I didn't." He took a breath. "I've been unfair to you. Cruel, even. And tonight, my sister was crueler, and I did nothing to stop her."
"No," I agreed. "You didn't."
"I'm sorry."
The words hung between us. I didn't know what to do with them.
"You're still angry," he said.
"Yes."
"You have every right to be."
"Yes."
He stepped closer. The winter-storm scent of him drifted toward me. "The court is calling you a monster. I know you heard them."
"I did."
"Does it bother you?"
"Did it bother you when they called me a monster before?"
His jaw tightened. "That's not fair."
"No," I said. "It isn't. But neither is any of this."
We stood in silence. The moonlight fell across the floor between us, a silver divide that neither of us crossed.
"Lady Freya will be leaving court," Cardan said finally. "I've arranged for her to take a position in the northern territories. She'll be gone in a week."
I blinked. "You're sending her away?"
"It's the right thing to do. It's what I should have done the moment you arrived."
I didn't know what to say. I had wanted this, hadn't I? I had wanted him to choose. To prove that our engagement mattered more than his cultural advisor and her crimson gown.
But now that he had, I felt strangely hollow.
"Thank you," I said. Because it was the right thing to say.
Cardan nodded. "The wedding preparations..."
"I will continue to make changes. I hope that's acceptable."
"I would expect nothing less."