Chapter 41
“Okay. We’ll bring over dinner and some DVDs.”
For a split second, an unabashed smile lit Aaron up. I hadn’t been joking around at the pizza place. He was attractive in every incarnation, but when he smiled…he was almost a different person. The weight that always seemed to press upon his shoulders disappeared, and his eyes became brighter. I could see myself doing anything for him when he looked like that, though the more time we spent together, the more I felt like that no matter what he was doing.
“Sam’ll be glad to hear it,” he said. “I didn’t tell him I was going to talk to you about it.”
“Morgan will be excited, too.” God, this was going to be hard. There would be minefields everywhere, little pockets of danger just waiting to catch me unawares. But I had to prove that I could get through it. I had to prove we really were just casual, friends with benefits, and that I in no way wanted or hoped for more. The problem was, I had never been a particularly good liar
* * * *
Morgan had packed for a sleepover before, but he apparently forgot all about that. Or the thought of spending the entire night at Sam’s house literally drove him crazy with excitement, and in his frenzy he was incapable of telling the difference between necessary items—a toothbrush, a change of underwear—and unnecessary items. Like his bedding, every pair of jeans he owned, and most inexplicably, his computer keyboard.
“I wish Sam went to my school,” Morgan said, while I helped him repack his bag.
“I know. But you still get to see him plenty during the week and the weekends.”
“I don’t get to see him when I’m with Mom. Do you think we could have a play date then?”
“Well, we’ll have to talk to Mr. Hardison about that. But your mother doesn’t live far from the park, so maybe.”
“Do you think Sam will ever have a mom again?”
“I…what do you mean?”
“Well, he doesn’t have one. Do you think Mr. Hardison will get married again? Sam needs a mother.”
“I don’t know if he’ll ever get married again. That’s very private, so it’s not any of our business.”
Not that I didn’t wonder about it from time to time if a part of him was looking for another woman. I didn’t know too many bisexual men, to be honest, and Aaron had clearly been in love with his wife. I had the feeling that if she’d lived, Aaron wouldn’t have found himself growing farther and farther from her as he grappled with desires he couldn’t ignore for the rest of his life. He probably would have remained happily married and faithful, functionally straight. I could take some measure of comfort in that. He was clearly just scratching an itch with me—an itch he’d ignored for too long—but if he ever wanted more, an actual relationship, he’d probably find a woman.
“And why do you think Sam needs a mother?” I asked, zipping the duffle closed.
Morgan shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Did he say that to you?”
“He just seems sad sometimes, that’s all.”
“Does he ever talk about his mother?” I asked softly.
“Sometimes he mentions her.”
“What do you say when he mentions her?”
“Nothing. I just keep playing.”
I nodded. Was Sam looking for somebody to talk to? Did Aaron ever talk to Sam about his mother? Was it any of my business at all? That was one major problem with letting the boundaries in our relationship start to blur—everything started to bleed together until it wasn’t clear what was appropriate and what was not.
I was still thinking about it when we pulled up to Aaron’s house. Morgan bounded out of the car without bothering to take his stuff with him, leaving me to get his sleeping bag and backpack out of the trunk, along with my own overnight bag. When I slammed it shut, I turned to find the front door open, Aaron standing on the threshold.
He wore baggy sweats and a faded T-shirt that had clearly been around for more than a decade. His feet were bare, his stance relaxed, and that damn smile was back to torture me. For a split second, I felt like he was greeting me home after a long day’s work.
This was such a bad, badidea.
“Morgan’s already upstairs.” He reached for the sleeping bag, and our fingers brushed as I passed it over. “I’ll run these up to him. What’re we doing for dinner?”
“I thought a picnic theme would be good. I’ve got a few different loaves of bread, deli meat, cheese, a veggie platter, cookies for dessert, and juice boxes.”
“Sounds good. Why don’t you start getting it set up, and I’ll be back in a sec to help?”
I nodded and felt a strange sense of vertigo as I carried the groceries into the kitchen, like I was bringing home ourfood and getting ready to feed ourboys. It didn’t help that the kitchen was full of memories. It had only been a few weeks, but it already felt like a lifetime since I warned Aaron that I wanted to kiss him. At the same time, the memory was as fresh and new as something that happened the night before.