Chapter 64 - I Destroy Everything

Four Years Earlier (2014)

SHADRACH'S POV

"Get up, Max. Come on," Simon begged me, pulling my arm, trying to make me stand up from the ground. Why? I didn't really know. I couldn't feel anything. And tears were falling from my eyes for some reason.

"Maxon, please. She's gone, come on now," he pleaded with me again.

She?

Oh.

She.

Alizabeth fucking Saunders.

The reason behind my misery.

"I'll find her," I said, but I sounded weird. Of course I did. I could hardly make sense of anything. She had left me. And I was in pain.

"You won't," Simon said with determination, finally managing to make me stand up.

"I can," I slurred, feeling the world spin, as I stumbled, but Simon held onto me in time.

"We'll talk about this later. Let's go," he replied, leading me to somewhere.

"Where are we?" I asked, realizing my mind was not really working.

"In a random fucking alley," Simon said through gritted teeth. "The fifth one this month, Max."

"Oh," I chuckled, finding the situation rather amusing. "You love me," I muttered, once again feeling myself stumble, and Simon instantly tightened his grip onto me. He had put my arm around his shoulder, and was holding it in place with one of his hands, while his other hand held me by my back.

"Just shut up and try to walk," he muttered, and I heard him opening the door to a car.

"Don't wanna go," I shook my head. "Li-lie... Down. I wanna. Lie."

"I'm taking you home, you can lie down there, get some sleep," he said, trying to make me sit inside the car.

"Sleep," I laughed. "Don't need sleep. Get Butterfly."

"Maxon, please," Simon said sternly, cupping my face with both hands. "Look at me," he patted my cheeks. "Look at me. Get a grip, alright? Get a grip on yourself."

I stared at him quietly, blinking, trying to keep myself awake. But my eyes kept drooping shut, and everytime that happened, her face would flash in front of my eyes, her laughter would echo in my ears, and I'd miss her touch. I wanted to hold her in my arms again.

"Stop crying now, Max," Simon said softly, wiping away my tears. "Please, please, just listen to me this once. I promise I'll help you get through this. You'll make it. Just co-operate with me. Once."

My eyes drooped close once again, probably making him realize how drunk I was. He pushed me inside the car, making me lie down in the backseat. I closed my eyes shut for a small second, and when I opened them again the car was already moving.

"Where are we going?" I asked, my head spinning.

"Home," a familiar voice replied.

"Sim-Simon?" I confirmed.

"Yes. It's me. You're fine," he replied.

"Take... Take me to -" I tried to speak, but I was cut off as I felt like all my organs were trying to escape my body. I puked all over the floor of the car, making Simon stop the car to the side of the road. He instantly rushed to me, and helped me step out, before I puked outside on the ground as well. He rubbed my back, as I vomited, tears escaping my eyes at the same time.

"I miss her, man," I whispered, before breaking into a sob.

"Hey, hey. Look at me," Simon made me turn to him once again. "You're Maxon Shadrach Bradley, mate. You're gonna be fine. Trust me."

"I'm not," I shook my head, as another fit of crying took over me. "I want her."

"But you don't need her," he replied, wiping my tears away, as well as my mouth with his bare hands. He then wiped his hands off on his shirt, before holding me by my shoulders. "Just come home with me. Everything will be fine. You're the King of this fucking country. The Prince of the Underworld. You don't need a little girl to live your life or be happy. You'll get over this."

"She's my Queen, Simon," I cried, more tears escaping my eyes, as I felt a sharp pain in my chest. "It hurts," I whispered, placing my hand on my heart. "Like Hell," I sobbed. "My Queen. Want my Queen. Butterfly," I whispered.

"Maxon please," he held me up, practically begging me. "You will be fine. I promise you. Just come home with me."

I was not listening. The only thing I could hear was her voice. Her laughter. Echoing in my ears. The glimmer of her emerald eyes. The rosy blush creeping up her cheeks everytime I complimented her. Her hair as black as night, with the golden sunny highlights.

She was the highlight of my life. The Ray of sunshine in my dark abyss. The light at the end of my tunnel.

I needed her.

My thoughts were cut off when I once again had to vomit, and I emptied my stomach onto the ground. Simon patted and rubbed my back, helping me through the moment. He helped me back into the car, which I now noticed was actually Simon's jeep, and I lay down in the back. He started driving once again, and the moving car only helped me feel more tired, while I felt my eyes slowly close. I was exhausted, and thus I finally allowed myself to succumb to the darkness, shutting my mind off.

I figured I would dream about her, and I did.

Sleeping allowed my mind to drift back to our moments together, replaying one specific day over and over again.

"Hey," she had smiled at me, as soon as she saw me.

"Hi Butterfly," I had smiled back and walked up to her. I had pulled her into my arms without any warning, and initially she was shocked by the hug, but had soon hugged me back. I had picked her up into my arms, making her gasp and clutch onto me tighter. I had laughed, and placed her on top of the bonnet of my jeep, my hands resting on her waist.

"What are you doing?" She had giggled.

"Admiring how beautiful you are," I smiled at her.

"Really?" She asked, trying her best to suppress her smile, all the while making her look even cuter than earlier.

"Yep," I smirked, casually placing my hands on her thighs. I suddenly tugged at them, making her almost fall, but I held her by her waist in time, and she placed her hands on my shoulders, holding herself back.

"What are you doing?" She whispered, her beautiful eyes widened in shock and fear. I knew she was always slightly afraid of me, and the fact that she still willingly spent time with me made me love her all the way more. It meant her feelings for me were more dominant than her fear. And I loved that.

"Trying to look into your eyes more closely," I said softly, pulling her even closer to myself.

"Sha-shadrach-" she tried to object, but I cut her off.

"Shhh," I shushed, leaning in and placing my forehead against hers. She blinked at me, the fear in her eyes melting away, and getting replaced with something else. Something I could feel too. A connection. An attraction. Love.

"Your eyes are so beautiful," she whispered softly, making me smile, and frown at the same time.

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

"Because they draw me in," she replied. "Something about them is so dark, yet so beautiful... I feel like... I feel like I could drown into them."

My smile widened, as I cupped her cheek.

"You say such things, you show care, affection, concern, and then you say you're not in love with me," I said softly. "Something doesn't add up, my beautiful Butterfly."

Her mouth parted slightly, and she closed her eyes, obviously not wanting to be exposed. It was okay. I didn't mind. She would confess when she would be ready.

"I don't love you, at all," she replied, and suddenly pushed me away from herself.

Now I frowned. Wait. Something was not right.

Her expression changed into one on distaste, as she jumped off the jeep, and looked me right in the eye. Her entire demeanour had changed suddenly.

"Butterfly?" I frowned, bewildered by her actions.

"You know why, Shadrach?" She asked, her green eyes now sparkling with something else. Something I never wanted to see in her eyes. Hatred. For me.

"Because you're a fucking monster. A cold blooded bastard, who knows only how to destroy. I can't stay with you," she chuckled darkly. "You destroy everything you touch. I can't be with a monster like you. A criminal, a killer, a murderer."

"That's-that's not true," I whispered.

"But it is!" She yelled. "You think you love me, you think you protect me, no, Shadrach! That's just a sick, twisted dream of yours! Because the truth is, you are the one I need protection from! You will be my undoing. And I don't want that in my life. I don't need you. I don't need a monster like you!"

"Stop, stop saying that Aliza," I shut my eyes.

"Why? Or what? You're afraid you'll die alone? Well that's what you fucking deserve! You will be alone your entire life, Shadrach. You will die empty, cold, sad, and destroyed, just the way you destroyed so many lives. You will never have anyone love you. Do you understand?"

I shook my head, and a tear escaped my eye.

"Stop, stop, please. That's - that's not true. You-you love me, don't you?" I asked, taking her hands into mine.

"Don't touch me," she said, looking at me in disgust, taking her hands away from mine. "You'll smear blood onto me too."

I felt myself shake, and a tear escaped my eye.

"Don't do that," I whispered, and my voice cracked.

"Really?" She laughed. "You're pathetic." She turned around to leave, but I rushed to her and caught her arm.

"Don't go, Aliza. Please. Please Butterfly. Don't leave me," I begged, another tear escaping my eye.

"Get off me," she said.

"Butterfly, please. Please just don't leave me," I shook my head.

"Get off me, you murderer. You reek of blood," she spat, pushing me away from herself.

"Aliza, please," I caught hold of her hand again. She jerked me away from herself, but I fell to the ground and caught hold of her legs. "Butterfly, don't leave me, please. Just don't leave me Butterfly," I pleaded with her, tears now freely rolling down my cheeks. "Just don't go Butterfly. You're everything good in my life. I-I can't live without you. You're like... You're like my heart's peace. You're my humanity. You are everything that keeps me sane. Please, Butterfly. Don't leave me. I beg you. Don't leave me."

"I pity you, Shadrach," she smiled, before kicking me off, and away from herself, making me fall to the ground.

"Aliza! Please!" I yelled, watching her retreating back. "Come back to me!" I sobbed, and tried to get up, but there was a weird gravity holding me down. I couldn't go after her, I couldn't reach her, no matter how much I tried. I covered my eyes with my hands, shaking with cries, before I removed them, only to find them covered with blood. I frowned, and in a flash, Aliza's lifeless body was lying in my arms.

My eyes widened and a gasp escaped my lips.

"Aliza?" I asked, tears escaping my eyes. "Aliza? What's happened to you?" I cried, pulling her body to my chest. "Who-who did this to you?" I cried.

"You did this Shadrach. You killed her," a voice said, and I looked up to find Rachael staring down at me. "You destroy everything."

"No, no, I didn't do that!" I yelled, sobbing.

"You killed her," she kept repeating.

"Shadrach. You killed her Shadrach," her voice echoed in my ears, while I kept shaking my head, staring into her dead eyes, holding her cold body close to myself.

I killed her.

I destroy everything.

I'm a murderer.

I don't deserve to be loved.

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