Juliet Hideaway 017

Juliet Hideaway 017

I gathered my clothes from last night, made up the guest bed, called a cab, and took my suitcase and carryon with me to a hotel. I had to think for a while, and plan. I didn't want to do the whole P.I. thing, if I didn't have to. I could afford it, but what's the point? I wanted this resolved sooner, rather than later. I recalled Julie's annoyance with my news about coming back early; that could be explained by her having plans with another man, if there was another man, Friday night. Thus, the excuse about a girls' night out-I wouldn't expect her to take my call that evening, and wouldn't expect her to be answering the phone early on Saturday early, either. So, she could have moved her 'date night' up to Thursday night instead, knowing that I would be out at dinner and drinks, unlikely to call her, and she would have the excuse of going to bed early, etc. Now, she reaffirmed her girls' night out plans, meaning, most likely, that she would reschedule her 'date night,' again assuming there was another man, and would still have her cover. It seemed a likely bet. So, it seemed reasonably likely that I could catch her, if there was anything to catch, by following her tonight.
I called the hotel concierge to arrange for a rental car-an understated, dark colored sedan. I bought a hat, large sunglasses and a pair of thick reading glasses. I took the lenses out. Just something to disguise my face if she glanced in my direction. I bought a pair of dark dress pants and a slightly too big dark sport coat off the rack. I could wear this outfit, with or without a tie (of which I had plenty) pretty much anywhere without looking out of place. I slicked my hair back (I never wore it that way), and figured that, at a glance, I wouldn't be noticed. As a final measure, I stuffed two rolled-up lengths of toilet paper into the heal of both shoes I would be wearing. I remember reading that every person has a distinctive walk-that a person, even in disguise, can be recognized by their walk by those who know them well. But, a little thing like changing your walk-by putting something in your shoes, can make you unrecognizable from a distance. I figured I was set. Then, I did one more thing. I hadn't shaved since the morning before. I'm not a hairy guy, but I had a healthy amount of stubble going. I bought eyeliner at the hotel store, and then highlighted my goatee stubble with it, shaving the rest of my face. It helped it fill in. From close up, it looked kind of ridiculous. But, from a distance, it looked like I had a dark, thick, and closely-cropped goatee. Seemed fitting, somehow.
I got dressed, and drove to my neighborhood. There was a small corner store a half a block from my house, opposite from the direction Julie would be coming if she came from work. I parked there, and watched my house. I was banking on her coming home before getting ready for her 'date.'
I reflected on what I was doing, what I would do if the worst was confirmed, and what had happened to Julie and I, and our marriage.
What was I doing? I was finding out the truth. That part was simple. What would I do if I found out she was seeing another man? Not sure yet. I would be pissed, that's for sure. Cheating is wrong. Period. If the marriage isn't working for you, then get a fucking divorce. Better yet, try talking to your spouse about it. Urge counseling. Make your needs known. If you are feeling like the grass is greener, if you are the target of seduction, if you are giving in to temptation, if you are feeling an itch, if you are developing an infatuation with another-whatever; then fucking step back and be honest about your feelings. Be fair to your spouse, damn it! Show a little fucking respect! Whatever your spouse's failings, they don't deserve such utter contempt and disrespect that cheating on them shows. You got married: you promised to God, your spouse, your family and your friends that you were committing to your spouse and your marriage-that you would forsake all others and all that. If you can't, or won't, honor that promise-then be honest about ending the marriage, before you make a mockery of it. You're confused? You don't know what you want? Well, cheating on your spouse isn't going to make things any more clear for you-unless you want your spouse to catch you and want them to be the 'bad guy' and end it because you don't have the balls to do it. And that's just a coward's way out-complete bullshit to lay that on the person you betray.
On the other hand, people can have a 'slip.' I had one with Maria. Sure, we weren't married, but we were committed. It may not be as bad in some respects, but it wasn't much less bad. But, although I could never condone a 'slip,' I could understand it-given the right circumstances. I know I wouldn't do it again, but I could see how someone could. And, maybe that I could forgive. It would be hard, but, with enough love, and enough contrition, I think I could give Julie the chance that I had prayed Maria had given me. But....was there enough love?
I thought about our marriage. I loved Julie. I really did. But, sometimes I had to say it to myself. I think I always treated her with love. I did the big things right, and I also made it a point to do the little things-the little romantic and kind things to brighten her day. She was good to me, too. But, I began to think about the dynamic of our marriage. She was in charge. She made the big decisions. Our friends increasingly became her friends. My old buddies were sort of edged out. She had gotten me to stop tailgating to Vikings games-I used to love doing that with my college buddies. I rarely went out with my old friends.
We did what she wanted, when she wanted. She kept me happy with sex, and she could cook, when she actually did it. And, she kept a nice home. But it was her home-I had never been put on the title. I paid my money into common accounts-so we had been making payments on the house together-yet it was still in her name.
Speaking of sex, it had dropped off quite a bit over the last six months or so. Granted, I was on the road a lot. But, even when I wasn't, it had fallen off. If anything, we should have been having more when I was home, but it was the opposite. And, she had been less enthusiastic recently.