Chapter 116 Chapter 95 (1)
I nod. I look directly into her eyes to assure her that I'm saying this sincerely. "I've already told you that I won't let Altezza choose. And I'm still standing by my word."
"I won't hold him back. You can keep my promise."
"So you don't need to worry. If he truly loves you, he'll stay by your side."
"Of course, he loves me. Do you still need proof for that?" She asks challengingly, reaching into her pocket. She hands me her phone. I know this probably won't be pleasant, but I still press the play button.
I see the six-inch screen and I can confirm that the background in this video is part of the hospital roof.
"Say you love me. You can't live without me," I hear Jovanka's voice clearly, despite the loud wind.
"Yes, Jovanka. I love you and I can't live without you," Altezza answers. Even though I can't see him clearly, I can recognize the back of my own husband. The back I often see every morning.
Tears well up in my eyes. My heart feels so painful. I can only bite the inside of my lip, hoping to hold back the pain in my heart for just a moment. Trying to keep these tears from flowing without permission.
I hand the phone back to its owner. "Congratulations," I say sincerely. "If my husband still loves his ex-wife, what can I do?" I say with a smile, trying to appear indifferent. She doesn't need to know how deeply her actions have hurt me.
"Thank you," I hear her mocking reply. "So now it's proven that he's crazy about me and afraid of losing me. So I hope you'll retreat gracefully." I try to smile again.
"You don't need to worry. I'll step back if that's what's needed. Now, could you leave? Because I'm tired. I need to sleep." I say. And the truth is just like that. Even though I'm not sure if I can sleep or not after this.
I watch the woman rise from her seat and leave me. Her gaze remains cynical and mocking. I ignore her scorn and choose to close my eyes because my body—or rather, my heart—feels so tired.
Why does it feel like this? It shouldn't hurt this much if I don't have any feelings for Altezza. It shouldn't be like this if I just keep holding onto the contract we agreed upon from the beginning. It shouldn't hurt this much if only I didn't fall in love with my own husband.
I close my eyes with the back of my hand free from the IV tube. 'Oh God, haven't I prayed to You every night to keep our marriage intact? To open my husband's heart so his love falls upon me? But why haven't You granted my prayer?'
I wipe my tears roughly. Alright. I just need to wait for Altezza's answer, right? Whatever Altezza says later, I'll accept it. Whatever his answer is, that will determine the course of this story.
'Oh God, if what I hear later doesn't match what I want, then grant me strength, Your servant. I know that whatever Your decision is, it's the best. Strengthen this weak heart of mine, oh Lord. Amen.'
I don't know how long I dozed off. In minutes or hours. Because it feels like I just closed my eyes for a moment. But when I open them, I can see my mother, Mamma Delila, Aunt Emma, and also my husband in front of me.
"Madam..." he calls softly.
For God's sake, I've missed his voice so much. My heart is pounding so hard, but my eyelids are filling with tears, especially when I see his grim and guilty face.
I try to smile in response to his greeting. I know he's just as tired as I am, and I want to give him some peace. Because maybe this is the last thing I can do. His warm hand reaches out and gently holds mine, I turn my hand over just to return the grip. Who knows, this might be the last time we hold hands.
"How are you feeling?" he asks softly.
Terrible. I answer in my mind. But of course, I don't want to add to his burden and say that. I love him too much to hurt him and let him know about my pain.
"I'm okay. Our children are okay too," I reply with as much strength in my voice as I can muster.
I see my three beloved women leave the room. It seems they want to give us some privacy to talk.
"I'm sorry," my husband says softly.