Chapter 53: This Lifetime, It's Her
James was so infuriated by Mia's attitude that he abruptly stood up.
He looked down at Mia.
One sitting, one standing.
Visually, it gave the impression that James was looking down on her from above. Even though he didn't show the slightest hint of such emotion, it still made Mia feel oppressed, suffocating.
It had always been like this between them.
He was high above, she was lowly as dust.
When he doted on her, she didn't notice it, but once there was friction, this feeling became too obvious.
Sitting on the ottoman with unstable emotions, Mia could magnify any little thing infinitely, making her increasingly miserable.
"You don't have to forgive me right now, but don't mess around, running out to look for work, gambling with yourself and the baby."
He could give her a little more time to think things through.
Mia remained silent, not responding.
Before the pregnancy was stable, she hadn't planned to go out looking for work anyway.
Seeing that she no longer insisted on finding a job, James's expression finally eased a bit.
He prepared to go to the study.
These past few days at the hospital, he still had a lot of work to handle.
His gaze swept around the side bedroom, and he said to her, "Sleep in the master bedroom."
Mia, who had been keeping her head down, quickly looked up.
Just wounded by his personal admission, she was sensitive and fragile.
"What are you thinking?"
He wasn't such a jerk that he'd bother her when she wasn't even three months pregnant.
In her eyes, when did he suddenly become so despicable?
"I'll sleep in the side bedroom."
Meeting Mia's undisguised look, James added irritably.
Seeing her visibly relax.
James was completely speechless.
......
The master bedroom was much more comfortable than the side bedroom.
Besides, she had long been used to sleeping in the master bedroom.
Mia looked up, wanting to say she'd just sleep in the side bedroom.
But meeting James's insistent gaze.
Getting into a conflict over this was meaningless.
He was doing it to make her and the baby more comfortable.
Mia cooperatively stood up, walked past him, and headed to the master bedroom.
James stood in place, watching Mia's retreating figure, and finally spoke.
"Mia, from beginning to end, my attitude has never changed. The day I took your first time, afterward, I told you I would take responsibility for you. I know you didn't take it seriously, but—I was serious."
That time, Mia gave him her first time.
Afraid he'd feel burdened, she buried herself in his arms and took the initiative to tell him not to feel responsible, that she was willing.
Giving her first time to such an excellent man like him in every way was quite worth it.
But he knew she wasn't that open-minded about it. Deep down she was conservative and valued a girl's first time highly.
She was just too considerate, didn't want to make things difficult for him, so she pretended not to care.
And he, perhaps when he first suggested dating he hadn't thought about forever, but before they took that final step, he had already made his decision.
This lifetime, it would be her.
"I married you not because you got pregnant and I was forced to marry you. Rather, marrying you was something I was going to do anyway. The pregnancy just moved it up."
"Whether you believe it or not, Amelia has long been in the past for me. She and I are purely friends. We were before, and we will be in the future, that won't change."
He knew Mia hated being lied to.
So, in their four years together, he had never lied to her.
That drunken "I love you"—he hadn't realized at the time the impact it would have on Mia, and wanting to smooth things over, he had lied to her.
These four years, he had never lied to her.
Not even once!
Mia didn't turn around, but from the moment James spoke again, her steps had noticeably slowed.
James didn't press too close, following her footsteps with small steps of his own.
In a moment, she reached the bedroom door, walked in, about to close the door.
James stood outside the door, looking at Mia standing behind it, head down, not looking at him, and continued: "Ask yourself honestly, how have I treated you? Am I really so unworthy of forgiveness?"
......
Night fell silent.
Mia didn't turn on the lights, letting the darkness surround her.
She sat on the bay window, arms tightly hugging her knees, chin resting on her knees, curled up in a ball.
This was a habit she'd developed after her loving father abandoned her and her mother.
Whenever something upset her, she would hold herself like this.
Like an injured animal, licking its wounds alone.
Just now James had asked her at the door if he really wasn't worthy of her forgiveness.
She didn't answer, just closed the door.
But deep down, she had an answer.
If it were her old self, just based on how good he'd been to her these past four years, she would have said without hesitation that yes, he was worthy, she would forgive him. She wouldn't be in such pain, conflict, and struggle as she was now.
After he explained everything clearly, she would definitely have said, let's see how he behaves.
Because in her old eyes, what she cared about most was whether he had deceived her, whether he had been ambiguous with Amelia, whether he had been unfaithful to their marriage.
And what he said in the side bedroom was his explanation to her.
He hadn't betrayed her.
He and Amelia were innocent.
He hadn't been unfaithful to their marriage, he was still that James who took relationships seriously, never changed.
But he personally admitted he loved—
Her heart suddenly constricted, the pain making Mia tighten her hands, nails digging into her calf muscles.
He loved Amelia, not her. For her it was only responsibility, complete indifference.
Mia bit down hard on her lower lip.
What she once didn't care about at all now felt like a knife through her heart just thinking about it.
She closed her eyes in pain.
Falling in love with someone, she had become less carefree.
Letting go of a relationship wasn't as simple as it looked to outsiders.
She knew deep down she couldn't bear to let James go.
If only she hadn't fallen in love with him, she could have continued with marriage without love.
But now, she had fallen in love with him.
How could she continue this marriage with a man who had no place for her in his heart?
She didn't know.
Mia's downcast eyes were full of struggle and conflict.
......
The next morning, Mia was woken by her alarm.
She wasn't fully awake yet, murmuring softly in a daze, "James..."
Last night Mia had returned from the bay window to bed, tossing and turning. She fell asleep very late, didn't sleep well all night, and was unhappy about being woken up.
She called out once, got no response.
The sound disturbing her sleep continued.
Mia's face wrinkled in dissatisfaction, her hand resting on her belly under the covers reached to the side to push.
She pushed at empty air.
Her hand landed on the sheets, touching only coldness.
Mia instantly woke up, slowly opening her eyes, staring blankly at where her hand was.
Eyes full of pain.
These four years, her dependence on James had become a habit.
Trying to quit him was like having her tendons pulled and bones stripped, unbearably painful, more than most people could endure.
The alarm that no one had turned off finished its cycle and rang again.
Mia snapped back to reality, firmly withdrew her hand, and sat up in bed.
She reached for her phone on the nightstand and turned off the alarm.
Biting her lip lightly, she took a deep breath, pushing back the moisture in her eyes.
She knew breaking the dependence would be hard.
But no matter how hard, she would break it.