Chapter 147: Out of Control
Mia was too emotional, too out of control. She hugged too hard.
She scared and hurt the child she was holding.
The little kid who had just been bouncing around happily first froze, then the next second, burst into frightened tears.
The child's mother was also startled, thinking she'd run into a crazy person.
Protective of her child, she forcefully pulled Mia away and yelled, "Get away! What's wrong with you!"
She quickly picked up her own child and hurried off, soothing the kid as she walked.
Mia was pushed and fell to the ground in a daze, her arms empty again.
She stared blankly at her empty arms, searching in confusion, looking in the direction where the child had gone.
Through her blurred vision, she watched the child in the mother's arms, watched as the baby got further and further away from her again.
Just like countless nights in her dreams.
After accusing her, the baby left her.
She watched, her lips moving, silently saying sorry.
The moment the child was comforted and looked back at her, Mia saw the kid's face clearly.
That wasn't her baby. Her baby was long gone!
Her tears suddenly burst forth like a dam breaking.
Like floodgates opening, once released, they couldn't be stopped.
She just sat there on the dirty ground, head down, crying silently and falling apart.
She had tried so hard to avoid everything related to the baby.
Every time she saw a baby products store, she would speed up, not daring to look, not daring to touch.
She filled every day to the brim, staying busy enough to have no time to think.
Not thinking about the lost baby, not thinking about the despair in her heart.
As long as she didn't think about it, she wouldn't be sad, wouldn't cry.
Tears were the most useless thing.
But today, she still lost control.
Benjamin had just gotten in line and ordered the milk tea. While waiting, he turned to look for Mia.
He saw exactly this scene.
He didn't bother waiting for the milk tea and rushed back.
But by the time he ran back to the barbecue stand, Mia had already disappeared into the crowd.
He called her, but no one answered.
Benjamin searched around but couldn't find her, so he could only drive away.
……
Mia walked through the crowded streets, all the sounds around her distant.
Head down, she walked all the way back to Luxe Haven.
She had cried until her eyes were red and swollen. Standing downstairs, she slowly looked up.
This place used to be where her heart belonged, where her heart longed to be.
Especially at night, seeing the lights on upstairs would make her feel secure.
No matter what troubles or sadness she faced, as long as she came back here, as long as James held her in his arms, she would feel calm and safe.
This was her safe harbor, her home.
But now...
Mia's legs involuntarily stepped back a few paces.
Full of resistance.
Resistance to going in.
Going into this place that seemed like a cage to her.
Today she was just too sad.
She didn't want to return to the cage, didn't want to face James when she was emotionally vulnerable.
Mia stumbled and turned around, running right into Wilhelmina who was about to go home.
Wilhelmina saw her swollen red eyes and stepped forward with concern, "Mrs. Smith, what happened?"
"Wilhelmina, could you not tell him I came back? I want to sit alone in the complex for a while before going up."
She saw the lights were on and knew James was home.
"Okay."
Wilhelmina immediately nodded.
But Wilhelmina didn't go back. She followed Mia at a distance.
Mia passed by the supermarket in the complex and walked in.
She bought alcohol, and when paying, saw cigarettes on the shelf. She picked up a pack.
After checking out, she walked out carrying the cigarettes and alcohol. She found a quiet spot in the complex to sit down.
Her emotions were very unstable right now. She wanted to calm herself down.
Only by being calm could she face James.
She didn't dare drink outside anymore, so she sat in a shadowy area where the streetlights didn't reach.
She opened a beer and poured it down her throat.
One gulp after another, she quickly finished one can, but her emotions still hadn't stabilized.
She reached for the cigarettes.
With shaking hands, she opened the pack.
She hated the smell of smoke, hated even more the smell of smoke and alcohol mixed together.
But right now she didn't know how else to calm herself down.
She had seen James smoke every time he was agitated.
Smoking might help calm a person's emotions.
She pulled out a cigarette from the pack and clumsily tried to light it.
It took her a while to get it lit.
She tried to take a deep drag.
Not knowing how to smoke, she inhaled it all into her lungs in one breath.
She clutched her mouth in pain, coughing violently.
Tears and snot all came out from coughing, more and more.
Wilhelmina, who had been standing not far away, came forward with heartache and hugged her, "Mrs. Smith, why are you doing this?"
She had wanted to step forward and stop her several times, but seeing Mia's sadness that made anyone watching tear up, she couldn't bear to interrupt.
She understood that Mia was trying to numb herself with cigarettes and alcohol.
Mia leaned against Wilhelmina. After the coughing subsided, the tears didn't stop.
Her sadness remained. As Wilhelmina gently patted her back, asking what was wrong,
Mia choked out in a low voice, "Wilhelmina, I miss my baby—I miss her so much."
After saying this, Mia sat up from Wilhelmina's shoulder. She picked up the beer and took another drink.
A sip of beer, a drag of cigarette.
She kept putting them in her mouth, almost numbly.
Gradually, all five cans of beer were gone, and she'd smoked three cigarettes.
She didn't know what time it was, only that the tears that had been flowing finally stopped.
Her head was a bit dizzy, but beer wasn't strong enough to get her really drunk.
Mia reached into her bag for tissues and roughly wiped away the tears and snot on her face.
Wilhelmina helped her clean up the trash, carried it to throw in the garbage bin, then supported Mia to take her back.
In the gentle night breeze, Mia walked through the darkness, step by step toward that cage.
In the elevator, Wilhelmina pressed the floor button. Mia leaned against one side and closed her eyes.
She didn't dare open them, didn't want to see herself in the mirror.
But even without looking, she knew what she looked like now.
She had finally turned herself into what she hated most.
……
The clock passed eleven when sounds finally came from the door.
James, who had been worried all evening, immediately rushed to the entrance, running right into Mia being supported in by Wilhelmina.
"Mia!"
James caught Mia, who nearly fell. They were very close, and he smelled the cigarettes and alcohol on her.
His face turned dark as iron, anger ignited.
"Mr. James Smith, Mrs. Mia Smith is like this because she misses the baby..."
Seeing this, Wilhelmina immediately tried to explain for Mia.
Except for a very few women, most mothers deeply love their children, and Mia was the type who especially loved children.
Losing her child, that's why she was in so much pain, unable to move on, unable to let go.
Blaming herself, torturing herself.
But her explanation didn't soften James's expression. Instead, he grew colder and shouted harshly, "Get out!"
"Wilhelmina, you can go back now!"
Mia didn't care about James's fury.
She had calmed down now and could face James.
Wilhelmina was worried, but under Mia's gaze, she still left.
Before the door closed, she heard James asking in painful accusation, "Mia, if you love the baby so much, why were you so cruel as to get rid of her? Why!"
Wilhelmina paused slightly.
Something about what James said seemed off.