Even with Levi’s mouth pressed feverishly against mine, it can’t drown out the echo of my father’s disgusted laughter. That laughter that I can’t escape in my dreams. Even as my sisters dying. That laughter that says I’m pathetic, and I’m the cause of all the misfortune in my life.
If he could see me now, he’d prove his predications correct, because I’ve become the whore, he deemed me as when I was eleven. Because as he’s said before “only whore’s go to that club and spread their legs” and that’s exactly what I’ve done when things in my life have gotten unbearable.
Levi can feel my pain. He breathes it in, greeted first by my hesitation as we kiss, before I’m shaking in his grasp, but he doesn’t let that stop him. His hands are along my sides, exploring and squeezing.
I want to lose myself in him in this moment, to escape the agony of my past, but it’s so loud, I almost believe nothing can vanquish it. But to Levi, a man who struggles with more demons than I can count, it’s an easy feat.
He breaks our kiss. I’m panting, frowning at the loss of contact. He sets an expectant gaze on me and arches a brow.
“Control it,” He hisses, before he cups my chin firmly, and steals my breath away with another kiss. Confusion makes me furrow my brows. I don’t know what he means by that.
Control it? How? In this moment, control eludes me. We aren’t in a club. I’m not being whipped. I can’t get my thoughts off of the chaos.
“Now, Sasha, fucking control it.” He groans when I bite down on his lip. I don’t know what the hell takes over me, but it’s a reaction that is conjured by the possessive need of his touch.
He moans, and I do it again; bite hard enough to break the soft skin of his lips, to feed that twisted pleasure for pain.
It’s alleviating.
He knows it.
I press my hands against his chest, and shove until we’ve stumbled backwards to the door where I press his back into the wood.
“More,” He growls, and the sound is swallowed by me as I open my mouth and slip my tongue along his bottom lip, the same lip I just bit. I taste the sweetness of control, so tantalizing on his lips before he grants me more by opening his mouth so our tongues can meet.
This is mercy.
He lets me take control to seal the wounds that are bleeding within me. The pain of my loss, the pain of the abuse, the pain of my life; all of it.
I know what he wants me to do.
This isn’t some fifty shades of grey book where he’ll only whip me into shape. This is something more sinister, where I heal myself by bringing him pain. Because his pain is my only reprieve from my harrowing thoughts. Pleasure too, but in Levi's world they're interchangeable.
He grabs ahold of my wrists tightly, and I dig my fingers into his shirt until I reach skin.
“Fuck,” He rasps, against my mouth, before he tosses his head back in ecstasy and it hits the door hard enough to rattle him. My eyes widen a fraction, startled, but he pays no mind to it.
He grabs the back of my neck and guides my lips to his throat where they graze the skin, tongue darting out along the pulse in his throat.
“Take what you need from me. Hurt me.”
A sense of Déjà vu overcomes me.
Hurt me.
Control me.
That’s what he means, but I’m not as confident as him. My hands shake as glide them along his shoulders, teeth grazing his throat now, contemplation making me hesitate from nibbling.
When I don’t make that move, he huffs angrily, and grabs me by the throat to push me away from him, but his grip on my throat remains.
The look he lays on me makes my breath catch in my throat. This is that monster he’s talked about. The one I’ve seen mostly, but in a state like this – desperate for that fix of pain – he’s incredibly scary. The kind of man who will hurt if he isn’t hurt.
So I do as I know he’s silently commanding with that gaze.
I hurt him.
I grab his wrist, dig my fingers into the skin, until he pulls away, and in seconds my lips are back on his neck. I pull them back to bare my teeth and I bite.
His groan is deep and melodic to my ears, and for a second, the noise in my skull quiets.
“Oh, Levi,” I moan and press my body against him.
He’s quiet. No vicious commands barked in anger, only the greedy pants of a man in the throws of toxic desire.
I follow the instinct of my body. The arousal that’s born from his torment, and I begin to push down on his shoulders, hard enough so he knows what I want; what I crave.
He drops to his knees, hard enough to fall through the floor, before I’m positioning my hips forward so my pussy is hovering in his face.
Oh god…. Am I really about to do this?
More laughter.
I hiss as I inhale a deep breath, and our eyes meet, an exchange of passion moves through us.
“Levi,” I say softly, blinking rapidly, because beneath this profound confidence, the insecure girl remains, one who needs a little direction, even with the possibility of punishment.
Because as he’s snapped at me before, he doesn’t coddle innocence. Too bad I am far from innocent. I have pain and secrets and anger lingering deep down inside of me.
“Do it,” He responds, and although his voice is clipped, and filled with authority like usual, there’s that undertone of submission.
So I take control.
My hips are guided to his lips by his warm breath, and he opens immediately to take my pussy into his mouth like I’ve blessed him with sustenance, and by the way he’s licking every sensitive, throbbing fold, he’s been hungry.
That’s the difference between Levi and I. Taking comes naturally for him, and it needs to be taught to me, but I’m learning.
I’m overcome with pleasure, having to steady myself with my hands against the walls, just to keep from wobbling and falling over as he relentlessly swirls his tongue over my clitoris in powerful circles.
“Oh, god, Levi. Yes!” I moan enthusiastically as I am filled with sheer pleasure. He groans, savoring the taste of me on his tongue. I’m so close, I can barely keep my eyes open, but I can’t look away from him.
His jaw is stretched open, those muscles in his face tensed, and chiseled. So gorgeous.
When our eyes lock, I come.
I come endlessly.
Furiously.
My pussy throbs and clenches, searching desperately for what he’s filled me with before. That thick limb between his thighs; An endless, enlightening cock.
My sister would laugh.
She’d say these thoughts sound more like her than me, but it means nothing to a girl who’s lost herself. Anything goes.
I am no longer the girl she knew.
My orgasm lasts longer than I knew it could, and he laps up every bit of juice, before I step back, completely breathless.
He’s panting on his knees. His erection is so thick, I’m sure it’ll burst through his pants.
He raises his hand to his lips, and swipes two fingers along the area where I bit him, before a smile spreads on his face.
I’m flustered. My thoughts are jumbled together. I can’t seem to compose myself as he stares at me like he wants to devour me.
Submissive Levi is gone.
He’s gotten enough pain to recede.
“I- I don’t know what came over me,” I admit, as I wrap my arms around myself. He stands, towering above me, before he nods to the shower.
“You’ve decided to listen to me, that’s what,” He replies, and I feel my face warm. “You are trying to escape your pain.”
“Yeah, I couldn’t stop thinking about my father,” I admit. He tilts his head, eyes narrowing curiously.
“What about him?”
Nothing good.
I don’t voice that aloud.
Not here, after I’ve just tried to escape it.
Levi must understand because he nods before he goes to twist on his heel.
“Thank you,” I whisper, soft enough I don’t believe he’ll hear me, but he stops in the doorway, his back tense. That’s the only sign that he has before he leaves me alone.
I’m surprised he’s left me alone.
Or maybe he hasn’t.
Maybe he’s standing outside the door, giving me another illusion of freedom for the moment.
Either way, I enjoy the hot shower.
After I feel refreshed enough to climb out and get dressed, I make my way out of my bathroom, and I’m met with a shirtless Levi.
He’s sitting atop my bed, elbows rested on his thighs as he leans forward, and I get a nice peak of the muscles lining the side of him. He looks up when I emerge from the bathroom, steam accompanying me.
I arch a questioning brow when he looks at me, and he stands.
“Short leash, remember?”
Of course, I remember.
My eyes move along his body, down the gray sweatpants he wears which are leaving nothing to the imagination. I realize I’ve been staring a little more than socially acceptable, so I clear my throat and move over to the bed wrapped in a towel, prepared to toss it and slide beneath the covers.
I expect nothing more than a sleepless night plagued with nightmares.
Sighing, I pull back the covers.
“What’s wrong?” He asks.
“I- I … I guess I’m just dreading another sleep filled with nightmares,” I relinquish as I stare down at the comforter.
I gasp when he moves to me and grabs my wrist. Wordlessly, I let him lead me out into the hallway, and to his room, before I finally question him.
“What are we doing?”
He releases my wrist the moment we enter his room, before he nods to his bed.
“Get in.”
“W-why?” I stammer, incredulously.
“Are you going to question everything I do?” He hisses, before he closes the bedroom door, and moves to the bed. I’m speechless at his change of mood.
When he climbs into the bed, my mouth falls open. He crosses his arms over his chest and waits expectantly for my decision, and that’s when I fully realize what he’s done.
He’s invited me to stay with him, a potential cure to my midnight madness.
I should probably find it alarming how quickly I respond once I connect the dots, but I don’t dwell on it. Instead, I let my towel drop to the floor, pull back the covers and slip in beside him.