Chapter 17 What We Don’t Say
Rafe’s POV
For a moment, I don’t open my eyes. I’m still lying on the bed, breathing in every bit of the morning air.
And then it hits me.
Holy shit!
Last night
My eyes snap open immediately, and I turn my head toward the other side of the bed.
It…it’s empty?
I frown slightly, pushing myself up on my elbows as I look around the room. “Shawn?” My voice is still rough from sleep, but it echoes through the room.
No response.
I sit up fully now, running a hand through my hair as I glance toward the bathroom door to see that it’s open. The lights are off and he’s not there.
“Shawn?” I call out again, louder this time, swinging my legs off the bed and standing up quickly.
Still nothing.
Before my brain can think twice, I begin to move. I grab the first shirt I find and pull it over my head as I step out of the room, my eyes scanning every corner of the hallway like I expect him to appear in front of me.
“Calder!”
There’s something uneasy settling in my chest now…something I don’t want to name yet. It doesn’t make any sense, why would he just—
“I’m here.”
A voice echoes behind me, and I turn instantly to see Shawn. He’s standing near the doorway, already dressed for training, but the expression on his face is something else entirely.
Before he can open his mouth to speak, I close the distance between us quickly, relief hitting me first, stronger than anything else.
“Where the hell did you go?” I ask, letting out a nervous breath that almost sounds like a laugh. “I woke up and you weren’t—”
I don’t finish the words.
Because I’m already reaching for him.
My hand comes up to his face, leaning in until there is no space between us. Then, I press my lips against his to kiss him—
And he pushes me away.
The movement catches me off guard completely, and I stumble back half a step as confusion hits me instantly.
“What the—?”I blink at him, my brows pulling together.
“What happened last night…” His voice cuts in before I can finish, “It was nothing but a mistake.”
For a moment, I thought I’d misheard him, because the words don’t register at first. They just…hang over the air.
“You’ve got to be joking?” A quiet, disbelieving laugher tears out of me instantly. “What are you talking about right now?”
Shawn’s eyes are still locked on mine, his gaze avoiding mine for a second before snapping back. “W..what happened last night shouldn’t have happened.”
“That’s not funny, Calder.” The words leave my mouth quickly, something I hated to admit creeping into my chest now. “Don’t…don’t do that.”
“I’m not joking, Navarro.”
The way he says it—serious, cold, it hits differently in a terrifying way. I stare at him now, really looking at him to find any signs to show that he was trying to mess with me.
“So what? You’re just going to pretend it didn’t happen?” I ask, my voice rising slightly. “After everything that—”
“We were just lost in the moment,” he cuts in. “That’s all.”
“A moment?” Another laugh tears out of me again, disbelief flooding through me. “So that’s what you’re calling it now?”
“Yes.”
The word is sharp.
Final.
And it’s beginning to piss me off.
“No,” I shake my head in protest, stepping closer to him now. “I’m not going to watch you stand there and act like what happened between us last night was nothing…like it didn’t mean anything—”
“It didn’t.”
This fucking jerk!
My hands curl into fists at my sides as I stare at him, trying to figure out if he’s actually in his right mind to tell me all this shit.
“Stop fucking lying!” I bark.
“I’m not lying, Navarro.”
“Yes, you are,” I snapped back, the anger building up now. “Because I felt it, Calder and I know you felt it too. So don’t you dare stand there and tell me it was nothing.”
His gaze drops to my lips for just a second, lingering there a bit longer before he looks away again. And that—
That right there—
Confirms it.
“You’re scared,” I say, my voice dropping to a low, dangerous whisper now.
“I’m not scared of anyone,” Shawn’s head snaps back toward me. “And not certainly you, Navarro.”
“Oh yeah?” A bitter laughter vibrates through my chest. “Then what is this? Because it sure as hell doesn’t look like someone who isn’t scared to me.”
“It was a fuckin mistake, Navarro!” He shoots back, his voice thundering across the entire dorm room, “Why don’t you get it inside that stupid brain of yours?”
“No,” I fire back immediately. “We fucked last night and every bit of it was real.”
“It was wrong.”
“According to who?” I snap back, stepping closer to him until there’s no inch of space between us. “You? Or whatever lies you’ve been feeding yourself this entire time?”
His eyes flash with rage immediately, irritation finally breaking through his perfectly controlled demeanor. “Don’t do that, Navarro!”
“Do what? Call you out for being a coward?”
“Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Navarro!”
“Or what?” I snap back, my voice rising so loudly through the dorm room that I feared someone might hear us. “We both fucked each other like our lives depended on it. So don’t stand there now and act like you didn’t mean it!”
“I said it was a mistake!”
“And I’m saying it wasn’t!”
The words land heavily between us, and for a second, neither of us moves or utters a word. Then, I shake my head slowly, my chest rising and falling heavily from the rage building up inside.
“You just don’t want to accept it,” I say, quieter this time, but my voice is steady, “Just admit that Shawn Calder doesn’t want to accept who he really is.”
His entire body goes still.
“Watch what you say to me, Navarro,” he growls, his voice dropping low only to my hearing.
“And what if I don’t?” I lean closer, so close that our lips brushed now. “You watch what you say to me. Because this…this right here?” I gesture between us. “This isn’t about a mistake, you’re just too much of a coward to admit the truth.”
Shit!
What the fuck did I just say!
For a moment, I think he might actually hit me, because his hands are already clenched tightly at his sides as he stares at me like he’s trying to decide whether to do it or not.
Instead, he exhales sharply and steps back. “I’m done with this,” he says finally. “This conversation is over.”
“Yeah?” A bitter laughter tears out of me again, “That’s all you do, right? Run away.”
“I’m not running.”
“Really?” I close the distance between us. “Because it sure looks a lot like it.”
His mouth opens to say something, but he doesn’t. Instead, he turns and begins to walk away from the dorm room.
Just like that.
Just like it’s nothing.
“Shawn!” I call after him, anger and something else…something darker twisting in my chest. “You don’t get to just walk away from this!”
But he doesn’t stop.
The door shuts behind him with a quiet finality that leaves no room for argument. I stood there for a long moment, staring at the door like it might open again, like he might come back and tell me this was all a sick joke.
But he doesn’t.
“Fuckkkkkkk!!”
The words rip out of me as I drag a hand through my hair, pacing the room once before stopping.
“Damn it!”
I mutter, kicking lightly at the leg of the couch before heading towards the door to leave for training.