Cold

I stood in the bathroom as I looked at myself in the mirror. I had blood all

over me; on my face, on my clothes, in my hair; who even knows how

blood got there.

I glanced down at my hands that hadn't stopped shaking since I held Sofia's

cold, lifeless body in my arms. They were covered in blood.

I turned on the water and began to wash my hands. My eyes welled up with

tears again as I watched the blood slowly come off my skin.

It was supposed to be me; The thought kept reoccurring, making it hard to

concentrate on anything.

I was so tired of crying. I wanted to break something or hit someone but I

had no energy so all I could do is cry. I gripped the sink in anger as I

remembered her face.

"I'm afraid I'll never see you again"; her voice rang through my head,

making me instantly punch the mirror to distract myself from my thoughts.

It shattered into a million pieces as I took deep breaths, trying to calm

myself down.

My hand began to bleed; Atleast it was my own blood this time.

I went into the kitchen to get the first aid before I did anything else. I

couldn't care about the glass in my hand but I knew I had to take care of it if

I wanted to hold my son.

I wrapped it up after taking out the glass. I strolled into the sitting room

where Ice was sitting while holding Jaxon.

Without even being told, Ice handed him over to me. "You do realise we

have to have a funeral for her?" Ice blurted out. "I'm not going. You can

hold it for her but I won't be going" I said with a monotone voice. "But you

have too" Ice demanded. "I'm not going, end of discussion" I growled at

him, forgetting I was holding my child.

"Look at what you did!" I shouted at Ice before hushing Jaxon back to

sleep. Ice stormed out while making sure to be quiet.

"I promise that I won't be like my father; I will be better for you" I

whispered before kissing Jaxon's forehead. "I will not let my pride or ego

get in the way like it did with your mother. I will care for you as best I can"

I reassured Jaxon who was asleep in my arms.

——————————

"Ace you can't skip her funeral" Ice shouted frustratedly. "There's only two

reasons I'm breathing right now; that baby and to carry on the memory of

Sofia. Her funeral will push me over the edge. If I go to that funeral and see

the love of my life's body in that casket, I will be pushed over the edge" I

spat angrily through my gritted teeth.

Ice glanced at me with watery eyes while nodding. "I didn't live up to my

name before but I can assure you now that I am as cold as Ice" he replied

before walking out.

"Find Haze" I roared through the halls. "Fucking find him!".

I pinched the bridge of my nose stressfully as I sat at my desk. I could hear

Jaxon crying from the other room; he was always crying.

I stood up and walked over to the door of the next room. I placed my hand

on the doorknob hesitantly, I should've known being a single father would

be harder than I thought.

I twisted the door handle and walked in; the floor creaking under my feet

while I entered the room and the light peaking into the room from the door

being open.

"Hey little man, what's wrong huh?" I asked him quietly as I held him in my

arms. He just continued to cry. I held him in my arms as I sat on the chair.

"You miss Mama right?, yeah me too" I sighed as I rocked him gently. He

slowly began to calm down as he lay in my arms. "I think it's time for a

bottle" I mumbled, brushing my thumb against his tiny, soft cheek.

I grabbed the bottle I had prepared earlier in the evening for when he woke

up. "Are you going to drink this all for me?" I questioned before testing the

heat of the milk on my arm. "Here you go" I hushed him as I fed him the

bottle.

My sigh filled the room.

The house was quiet; None of us could talk to each other without becoming

angry.

He fell asleep not long after the bottle but just as I placed him in the crib, he

began to cry again. "Ok, looks like you're sleeping in my bed tonight" I

muttered, bringing him into my room.

I placed Jaxon on the bed gently before I lay next to him. He wasn't much

bigger than my hand. He lay on Sofia's side of the bed, not even making a

dent in the mattress due to his light weight.

I was feeling numb; I can't feel anything inside of me. It's like I'm hollow,

made of only skin and bone; Its exactly what I felt like before Sofia but now

it's intensified. The anger I feel can't be slowly dissolved like it used to, no

matter how much I scream or punch now, I'll never stop being angry.

I wasn't even sure who I was more angry at. Myself for letting her die or her

for leaving me. It's fucking selfish that I'm angry at her but she knew how

much I needed her.

I broke away from my thoughts when I heard a tiny snores. A slight smile

was plastered on my lips without even realising it.

Maybe he's my hope of being saved.