Chapter 40 Chapter 40
ALPHA XANDER'S POV
"Let me help you," I lowered my voice, willing it to come out soft. The fear that flashes through my mate's eyes hurts more than the daggers that bitch had piercing every part of my body. The worst part is I know I deserve it, I've been an asshole to her. I let my ego and pride blind me so much that I almost killed her. I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself had anything happened to her.
There were a lot of things I could have done differently from the first time I met her, just looking at her, you could see the white in her, the pure innocence. That was probably what drove the darkness in me mad. A gift so pure was given to us, and the first reaction we had to that was to ruin it. Because that is what I do, I ruin things. We are fucked up and didn't know how to treat something precious the right way.
I'd just planned to keep her on the side, before I found out she was my mate. She wasn't going to be luna, she would have been part of my harem and that would be the end of it but now, the thought of not having her next to me every night made my heart burn.
"I'm fine," she stuttered, her body shivering. I gritted my teeth, getting annoyed, not at her, rather at myself. If I hadn't treated her like an ass, she wouldn't be so scared of me. Heck, she would probably seek comfort in my arms.
"I know you can't walk by yourself, Adriana. Please, let me." I didn't care that I was pleading. If there was one person that could bring me to my knees then it was this woman.
She nodded stiffly, that gave me the go ahead to move closer. I didn't have to touch her, just her body heat was driving me crazy. The scent of her, not only the lavender from the bath but her actual scent was driving me mad. My dick throbbed in my pants, I was aware that if this was anyone else, I would have torn towel off her body and bent her over the tub and fucked her until we both lost our senses. I wanted to do that to her, I don't think I've ever wanted to fuck anyone as much as I did her. But I stopped myself, I've already done a lot of terrible shit. That would be taking it far.
The mate bond was making it so much harder to resist her, it didn't help that she was so freaking perfect and fuckable.
I tried to rid myself of those dirty thoughts as I picked her out of the water. Her skin was warm from the bath most definitely. She was stiff in my arms, it would have worried me had my mind not been too occupied with the joy of holding her close to me like this. This is how it should be, this is how it should have been, had I not fucked it up and treated her like shit.
Self loathe was something I was more than familiar with and these past few days, it has been part of my everyday life.
There was a change of clothes for her on the bed. The plans to move her to the luna's chambers wasn't something I'd thought of earlier but after meeting the bitch in the woods, I realized the closer she was to me, then the safer she was. I didn't trust anyone with her safety but myself. She needed all the protection she could get and she had to be looked after every second of the day, I wasn't going to lock her up again. That only added more problems to the already long list.
Not everyone had access to this floor, and with the way Donovan barged in, although I was informed the moment he was found coming up, I needed to make a few more changes. The security would be more strict with the comings and goings of everyone. Only a few chosen maids will be allowed to come up here. Maybe it would be better if I let her pick who she wanted around her since they would be together most of the time.
I promised myself I was going to do things differently. The fear I'd felt when I came close to losing her wasn't something I wanted to experience again.
I placed her on the bed gently, then walked back into the bathroom to get the wheelchair. I parked it by her bedside and started walking to the door. On second thought, I stopped and turned to her. She was still in the position I left her in, sitting at the edge of the bed with her hands on her thighs.
"Do you need anything else?" she looked almost frozen but upon hearing my voice, she shook her head quickly. I studied her for a few more seconds before turning and walking out of the room. She looked like she wanted to be alone, or at least she didn't want to be with me. It hurt to think that, but that was the reality and I'd been the cause of it. I couldn't fault her. I never gave her a reason to even respect me, talk less of wanting to be with me.
That was just for now though, soon enough she would crave for my touch and my presence, even beg me for it. It made a sliver of pleasure run down my spine.
I started walking back to my office, fantasizing about all the ways I would claim her when I finally made her mine in every way. She wouldn't be able to remember that fucking guard's name by the time I was done with her. All that would be on her mind is me, from her every waking moment to when she went to sleep. I would possess every part of her life.
"Is blue balls a new fashion trend?" Donovan pushed off the wall he was resting on. My face hardened at the sight of him. I ignored him and kept walking to my office, he of course followed because he couldn't get the fucking message. "You know, I thought I would get a little more gratitude from helping you save your bitch."
"Don't you dare call her that again!" It had taken everything in me to not rip his throat out when he'd said that up in the room. I didn't want to get violent in her presence after all that she has been through, but I was very fucking close to ripping him apart.
"Okay, sheesh. Why so salty?" he raised his hands up in surrender as he walked to the table and poured himself a drink, courtesy being the last thing he was thinking of. He only wanted to get a reaction out of me I was sure, though I wouldn't give him that benefit.
"Do you have a valid reason for being here? If not, the door is that way." I pointed to the now closed door. Donovan stopped the descent of the drink up to his lips and released an irritated breath.
"I'm not one of your bitches Xander. I don't bask in the beauty of your presence, of course I have something to fucking talk about. I wouldn't be here if I didn't." I nodded for him to go on.
If he wasn't an important part of the pack, he would have been banished a long time ago. Even with our relationship, I wouldn't hesitate to do that now because he was starting to get out of hand.
"Your warriors were dying and I called you, but you never showed." Of all the things he wanted to talk about, that was the last I would have wanted him to bring up. The damn bastard knew all the right buttons to push to get to me.
"I addressed them earlier, I'm sure you know that." I said instead of giving him the reply he was searching for.
That didn't sit well with him obviously, he wouldn't simply let it go. "Where were you then?" he asked, coming to take the seat in front of me. He reached into the pocket of his leather jacket and pulled out a cigarette then put it between his lips. He reached for the lighter after but before he could lit it, I threw the closest thing to me, which happened to be a book, at him, knocking it off.
Instead of getting angry, he looked up and gave me an unimpressed look. "I forgot." He grumbled.
I never called him out for his smoking habits, I only had one rule. He shouldn't smoke in my office and that was it.
"I'm still waiting for your reply." he stated, his tone bored.
I closed my eyes and leaned back in the chair and closed my eyes, remembering what happened with the little witch. Things like that was why I didn't make deals with those bitches, but I'd been in need then and she got the job done. I realized I shouldn't have made that deal when she told me what she wanted in return a few hours ago, that was before I returned to the house.
If I thought making a deal with Donovan was selling my soul to the devil, then I didn't know what to call what I did with her. What she was asking for was impossible, and she would have to kill me to get to it.
She knew that, and it was exactly why she had brought it up.