Chapter 34: Free From Stress

Chapter 34: Free From Stress
Chapter 34: Free From Stress 

Sophie

“I was pregnant three years ago with Romano's child.” I confessed, my breathing stopped and my mind crashed with all the memories of that night as I admitted because I never told anyone. It was a dark secret that was kept inside of me for many years and I had to endure the pain all by myself. 

My mother pulled away from me and then looked away. I felt the pain growing, so I began to cry because I felt as though she was angry with me.

“Mother, please say something.” I pleaded.

Tears began to roll out of her eyes as she looked away from me again. My heart shattered, I needed her comfort right now. If she rejects me, I know I would not be able to get through this myself.

“Sophie, you were so young. What were you thinking?” She asked.

“I..I don't know, mother. It just happened.” I held her hand again but she just shook her head and looked away.

I felt myself fall back to the bed, because all I could feel now was dejection and rejection. Silence fell upon us again for a few minutes before she spoke again.

“Dear, why didn't you tell me about it?” Her voice was shaking.

“Why did you do it alone?” 

I watched her again for the last time before I finally broke down in her arms. She scooted herself closer to me and held me. I cried on her chest like there was no tomorrow, I felt her squeezed my arms and suddenly, it felt like I was at home, safe and sound. I felt free from Nathan, I heard her cry on top of my head. I never felt so shattered before, to even realize what I have been through was the worst, that is why I tried my hardest to avoid it all these years. But now that I have come to a realiza, it was like I am letting all my emotions out at once. From losing my entire life with Romano to living a hell of a life with Nathan.

“I don't know, mother…I couldn't do it. I..I don't want to suffer anymore already.” I sobbed again.

“Are you angry with me?” I asked.

“No, sweetheart. I am not angry with you.” She replied as she stroked my hair.

“I am just a little disappointed, Sophie. I wanted to know, I had the right to know. You were just twenty years old at the time you were pregnant. You need a lot of help.” I pulled away and looked up at her as I gripped her arms.

“Mother, you have to believe me that I wanted to tell you, I was going to tell you about it but father didn't give me the chance. Once he found out that I was carrying Romano's child, he made sure I was no longer pregnant.” I tried to make her see reasons that I didn't deliberately keep it away from her. I really didn't want her to be disappointed in me anymore.

“Oh my goodness, Sophie. I am so sorry.” She cried as she wrapped her arms around me.

“I am sorry, I wasn't there for you. I can't begin to imagine what you have been through, had I known, I would have killed him years back like how I really should have.”

“Stop blaming yourself, mother.” I pulled away and wiped my face.

“It is not your fault, everything happened because of Gabriel, not you.” 

She closed her eyes as tears continued to roll out, she squeezed them shut and quivered before she opened her eyes again and shook her head. Her brows furrowed as she looked at me again and I noticed her eyes were bloodshot red. I frowned at her when she stood up and wiped her eyes and nose.

“I am sorry, dear. Give me a moment, please.” She said, I nodded my head. She turned around and walked out of the room.

I felt my whole body just fall apart because the satisfaction of getting my point across wasn't justified enough. I still felt as though she was still disappointed. I stared at the door and began to picture other things, like my life with Romano. It would be so different and amazing. What if I had that child? What would it be, a boy or a girl? 

Even if I had that baby, it would live a torturous life with me. One without love that it needs and definitely one without a father that they need.

Three month later

The sort of tranquility I have felt was something I thought was so underrated because up until months ago, I had never felt this kind of peace in my entire life. No one really talks about this as much as they should, I always thought that people really didn't appreciate peace or kindness at all and I hated it. To say that my life has been a mess is an understatement but never have I ever wanted something more than just a normal and simple life. Free from mafia, free from Gabriel and stress free.

I laid on my back and stared at the ceiling as I took in the silence, the morning was my favorite because I always had time to myself to get ready for the day and it was like this ever since. I loved it. I got out of bed on my own accord and drew the curtains open before I headed for the bathroom to freshen up. I stood in the mirror and stared at myself, I have never been so happy in a very long time. It was just so good to be true.

In fact, I have been happy because I haven't encountered mafia men, guns and especially Nathan and Gabriel. To even admit the fact was even enough for me, it was just too good to be true. I have spent three long years under Nathan's and Gabriel's captivity and to finally get out of it was just something I was desperate for and to even think about it really just overwhelmed me. It is unbelievable, however, I am still wary and cautious of who we speak to and tell them when we reside now.

A lot has happened in these past months, a lot of changes. The day I was discharged from the hospital after a long recovery, I moved to England, deciding that I really needed a fresh start. My mother came with me because I knew I couldn't leave her behind after what she had done for me. She had in fact nearly sacrificed everything for me just so I could live a normal life again. In these past months, I have managed to learn a lot, she taught me a lot of her culture as well as her native language and I was able to get the admissions into the nursing school. Something I have always dreamt of doing before Gabriel snatched it away from me. I have become more independent compared to how I was before and I was so glad that I am myself again. Before I met Nathan, however, I could never deny the fact that I am still mentally not right. I was traumatized and I knew I needed help.

I was diagnosed with post traumatic disorder and was seen by a therapist right away. I have been speaking to my therapist three times a week and to be honest, he helped me really well. Aiden helps me a lot. In fact, he talks me through my emotions and explains to me why I feel the way I feel and alwa assure me that I will be fine. I believe him, but the one that really sets me back is the fear that settles upon me of having a feeling that he might just appear behind me. Nathan..