Chapter 88
“I am still in love with you, Padrick McLaughlin. More than ever.” RJ laughed softly. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“Well, he’s not going anywhere. He’s right here,” answered Pad, as he patted his own chest. “But he’s definitely less of a prude and into some RJ-induced kink.”
RJ lowered his face to kiss Pad again. “What’s your answer?”
“Okay then, Pad accepts the proposal of Ransom James Davis and gladly will be betrothed to him.”
“Let’s go clean up and solemnize the occasion with dinner.”
“We could do that. Or we can do something else. I’m really not that hungry,” said Pad.
“Oh? Like what?” asked RJ.
“First, you need to punish me because I came before you did.”
“You are one dirty-minded man. What ever happened to the innocent Padrick I met so long ago?”
“He’s here,” said Pad as he pointed to his heart. “Waiting for you.”
RJ stood up and got out of bed. He paced the room then leaned over and played the last seconds of the video. Pad’s words hit him.
Waiting for you.
Waiting for you
RJ put his hand over his head and thought about what raced into his mind just a few seconds before. He knew what he had to do. He knew it was the right decision. Maybe the therapist didn’t say anything about the home videos because she wanted RJ to come to this conclusion on his own. RJ felt that his mind was no longer clouded by depression, that he could see clearly what was the right thing to do.
He took his mouse, right clicked the first video—the video he just watched and deleted it. He did the same for the second video. Then the rest.
It was done. No more videos. No more porn. He felt good deleting those videos.
He didn’t need a video or two. He had Pad. He wiped the tear that formed in the corners of his eyes, surprised that his emotions got to him.
You don’t have to wait for me anymore, my love.6
The Indigo Club’s lights twisted overhead, splashing reds, blues, greens against the wall and floor as the music boomed electronica. Pad caught Tristan two stools down eyeing the male strippers. Belinda sat next to him, talking into his ear. No doubt just to communicate because the speakers weren’t far from them.
“Bud Light?”
Pad accepted the long neck from Liam. He leaned closer so he could talk in Liam’s ear. “Thanks! Where’s Jack?”
Pad straightened up, then Liam leaned in to talk. “I think he’s hitting on the twenty-something barhop over on the corner.” As he spoke Liam rolled his eyes, then laughed, which made his sharp nose less harsh in the light. The darkness of the bar hid his almost cerulean blue eyes. Liam scooted his bar stool closer so that there thighs touched as both their knees and legs faced forward, perpendicular to the dance floor.
“Are you guys talking?”
“Yeah. We’re good. We just can’t be together. You know how that is. Or maybe you don’t.”
“What does that mean?”
“You’ve always had a steady boyfriend since I’ve known you.”
“I didn’t have a boyfriend when I met you.”
“What about Wayne?”
“I don’t think we ever called each other that. If I did, or if we did. I sure don’t remember.”
“You know Wayne’s dancing here in about an hour, right? Are you sticking around for that?” Liam faced forward so he could pick up his Jack and Coke and took a sip.”
“I don’t know. Jack drove. He picked this place. I actually forgot this was one of the bars he was going to be for Pride events.”
“You’re not mad I told Wayne you work at the bookstore?”
“No. I know you still keep in touch with him.” Pad sipped his light lager. “Why don’t you think you and Jack will get back together?”
Liam leaned away from the bar. “Man, there are a lot of reasons. I’m not saying anything to badmouth him. I’m sure there’s a list of things he doesn’t like about me.”
“Well, I’m not going anywhere.” Pad held back a burp.
“Were you going to belch?”
“Nope.” Pad sniggered as he put his hand to his mouth.
Liam shook with stifled laughter. “Go out much?”
“Stop it,” said Pad as he tried not to snort. “You’re changing the subject.”
“No, I’m not.” Liam finished his drink and put the glass down. “Jack’s a fun guy. He is loads of fun. But, you and I are older now. Jack is too but he wants to act like he’s in his twenties.”
Pad interjected. “We’re in our thirties, we’re not in nursing homes.”
“True, but there’s more to life than going out four nights a week. Drinking, dancing, and going to different clubs and bars. That’s Jack. That’s not me. Not anymore anyway. Jack’s problem is he thinks life is a constant party. He doesn’t think about blowing one hundred dollars on several pairs of underwear. He only thinks about it when he realizes he’s blown his whole paycheck for three or four days. If he could be more like Jen or—”
“Or who? RJ?”
“No.” Liam moved his face closer for Pad to hear. “If he was more like you, we’d still be together. Who knows? We could’ve been married. But Jack is never going to settle down and get married.”
“You just need to give him time.”
“Come on, Pad. Stop defending him.” Liam’s eyebrows scrunched together.