Chapter 62

In some ways it paralleled his own struggle—Erik’s wanting to be a dad and yet being gay and Ted’s wanting to have one special man in his life, yet needing to have sex with anyone who would pay just to have the money for school.

Erik looked down at his hands on the table. Ted could see he was working up the courage to say something more. Something that was hard for him.

Finally, Erik asked, “Remember back in high school when I started to ask you to jerk off with me and stuff?”

Ted nodded. “Uh huh.”

“I’m really sorry. But I just couldn’t help myself. You were so hot, and I…well, I cared about you…a lot. You must have thought I was awful.” Erik’s eyes were still cast down.

“I didn’t complain though, did I?” Ted asked, seeing an opportunity for him to come clean.

“No, you didn’t,” Erik said, looking up at his friend.

“Why do you think that was?”

“I don’t know. I guess you were just horny and…” Erik’s eyes widened.

Ted smiled when he saw comprehension setting in.

“You mean you’re gay!” Erik said loudly enough for other patrons to turn to look at them.

They both laughed.

“You’re gay?” Erik asked again, this time in a more hushed tone.

“As a field of daisies in June.”

“But how…when or why didn’t you tell me? You always let me think you were straight. When you told me about that place your dad sent you, you said it was a mistake because you didn’t need to be cured.”

“I had no clue you were gay, Erik. And I didn’t know I was gay then, either. At least I wouldn’t admit it to myself,” Ted said and began to tell Erik of the path he had taken to discovering he was, indeed, a gay man. He got to the point where he’d met Trace at Chez Rapha?l and stopped.

This is it, Ted thought, This is where the shit could very well hit the fan.

Suddenly Ted was aware of how important it was that Erik not judge him for what he did for a living; that Erik accept that he was a rent boy and performed in gay porn videos. For a moment Ted’s resolve wavered. He didn’t want Erik to walk out of his life, disgusted with the revelation of Ted’s profession.

Remembering the disastrous consequences of not being open and honest with Kenny, Ted forged ahead. “Trace offered me a job. I really needed the money bad and he said this job would solve all my financial problems. I decided to take him up on it, not knowing what the job entailed. I went to his apartment. He seduced me and, just like you with Mr. Swartz, I knew. I knew what those feelings I’d been having all those years meant. The feelings that went all the way back to the times we fooled around in high school. I guess I found you hot then, too…and I cared about you as well.”

Erik sat for a moment, seemingly digesting what Ted had told him. “So what was the job?”

Ted smiled, took a deep breath, held it for a moment, and said, “I’m a male escort, well a prostitute actually, and a gay porn actor.”

Erik stared at him open-mouthed, blinking like a deer in the headlights, as if unable to grasp what Ted had just told him.

As Ted waited for Erik to speak, the importance of having this man in his life magnified. Please don’t reject me, he thought frantically. Please give me a chance. I really think we could build something together.

After a time, Ted asked, “Well? Say something. Anything!”

“Holy crap! You’re shitting me?”

“No,” Ted said simply.

“Wow!” Erik said, staring at Ted as if seeing him for the first time. Then to Ted’s surprise, he added, “I was wondering how you could afford those fancy wheels on what a server makes. You must be doing all right for yourself.”

There was no recoiling at the revelation that his best friend was a sex-for-pay guy, and that Ted made love for the camera, often with perfect strangers. Apparently Erik’s main astonishment was that Ted was paid well enough to afford a fancy car.

“That’s it?” Ted asked. “I just told you I’m a whore and a video slut and you’re more impressed with the car I drive?”

Erik laughed. “What do you want? A parade? What you do with that hot body of yours is your business. I couldn’t do it, but hey, if it works for you, more power to you. Besides, who am I to judge? I picked up Greg, a perfect stranger last night right in front of you, and slept with him.”

Ted noticed the diner was getting crowded. Ollie was giving them dirty looks. It was time to leave. “We better go, before Ollie throws us out,” Ted said, getting up. He took the check to the register inside the diner.