Chapter 40- The Calm Before The Storm

He felt her finger brush his hand as she steered from her sleep, groaning in the process. He jerked his head up and fixed his gaze on her face as her eyes flickered open.

Najmah let out a shaky breath, her hand slowly moving towards her forehead as she felt immense pain from that portion of her face.

"Hey," she whispered when her gaze found his. "How long was I out?"

"Three hours," he replied, adjusting the pillow for her so she could have a more comfortable sitting position before pressing a button by the side of her bed to alert the nurse that she was awake.

"How are you feeling now?" he questioned after a moment of silence.

"Like I was hit by a truck," she uttered, attempting to smile but it ended up as a grimace.

"Najmah!" Lale burst through the door. "You gave us such a scare. How are you feeling?"

"Alhamdulillah."

"Anne and Baba have gone to the mosque, they will be back shortly. Is there anything I can get you? Tea, coffee or water?"

"Just water, please."

"Okay," she stood up and pecked Najmah's cheek. "I will be right back."

"What happened? How did you fall?" Aslan questioned once Lale had stepped out of the room.

"I lost my footing."

"Did she push you?" he queried, pinching the bridge of his nose to quell his anger.

She kept quiet averting her gaze to the window. Aslan closed his eyes then opened them before repeating his question.

"I told you," she hissed lowly. "I lost my footing." She didn't want to think about what had happened earlier. If she allowed herself to dive into the details of her conversation, she was sure that she was going to lose it.

Afet's outburst about Aslan was for another day, but for now, all she needed to do was get out of the hospital, bathe and then take a long nap. She would take care of the other matter on their trip.

"If she didn't push you then why was she standing there? And how could you just lose your footing on the stairs? You've walked on those stairs like a thousand times and you never fell. How..."

"Aslan, please," she snapped her eyes shut, irritated by his questions. "Can we talk about this later? I've got a headache and your inquisitions are only adding to it."

"Fine," he huffed, scrubbing his hand over his face. He released a sigh as the exhaustion of the last three hours began to weigh down on his shoulder.

Just then, a nurse pushed the door open and walked in with a smile on her face. She checked Najmah's forehead and did a few preliminaries, occasionally jotting down in her clipboard before sauntering out after wishing her well.

{••}

"Najmah child, how are you feeling now?" Ferah questioned, stepping into the room together with Lale.

"Alhamdulillah, thank you."

"That is good to hear. Your discharge papers are ready, we should head home now. I am sure you would like to rest," Ferah stated, helping her up to her feet.

"Aslan?" Najmah mouthed to Lale once Ferah was out of earshot.

"He got called at the office," Lale replied, avoiding her gaze. She didn't want to lie to her, but she had no other choice. It was either that or tell her the truth and the last thing she wanted was to have a fight with her brother for intruding in his life.

Aslan would eventually tell her when he was ready but for how long were they going to keep up with the pretense? They couldn't keep Najmah in the dark forever. Sometimes Lale wished she was older than he was so she would have knocked some sense into him when they were younger, mayhap things would have been different and she would not have to always fear for the desolation of her brother's marriage once the truth was out.

"Okay," Najmah nodded, occupied with thoughts of her own.

{••}

Aslan sat behind the wheels of his car, contemplating whether to go in or not. The last time he had been there was two years ago when it had happened. He couldn't bring himself to be there not after what he had done. He was so ashamed of his actions and had vowed to stay away. He couldn't disturb her, not when she was at peace. He knew it was just an excuse he gave so he wouldn't be judged as the coward that he was. Afet was right, he was pathetic.

He stepped down from the car and went into the graveyard with a heavy heart. He first located his brother's and sister in law's graves and prayed for them before moving towards Bedia's.

With each step he took, he felt pain pierce through his heart. As he neared her grave, the tears began to roll down his face. Aslan wept by her grave, wept for the man he became, wept for the path he chose for himself knowing that it would be his end but who would've known, it became her end and not his. He then began to tell her about the events that took place in his life after her demise. His second rehabilitation, his recovery and then his marriage with Najmah.

"She is such a sweet little lady just like you Bedia," he smiled painfully, wiping his tears. "She deserves someone better than me. She deserves someone who would love her the way she is supposed to be loved, someone who would treat her like the gem that she is. I can not repeat the same mistake I did with you, I will make things right. I can not be selfish with her, not anymore."

He prayed fervently for her and asked Allah azzawajjal to bestow mercy on her and forgive her of her sins.

{••}

"I knew that I would find you here," Afet spoke, leaning against his car.

"What are you doing here Afet?"

"I came to talk to you."

"At the graveyard? Have some respect for the dead."

She rolled her eyes before opening the door of the car and sliding in. She leaned back against the seat and crossed her arms, waiting for him to step inside.

"How is she?"

He scoffed, before turning the ignition switch of the car. "She is okay," he replied calmly.

"You will only hurt her Aslan and deep down, you know that what I say is true."

"What are you playing at Afet?" he questioned, packing the car by the roadside. "What more do you want?"

"This is not a game to me anymore. We do not always get what we want. I can not have you, and you can not have Najmah. In the end, we both have lost something that meant so much to us."

"Afet..."

"I am not done yet," she raised her hand to stop him. "I truly apologize for making her fall. It was an accident and I apologize for everything that I have done before, I was only blinded by my love for you and now, my eyes are open and I have finally realized that you are not the one for me. I really hope you would realize what is best for both of you. Goodbye Aslan," she pecked his cheek before alighting from the car.

Aslan was motionless for a while before he put the car to drive and drove towards the streets of Sultanahmet. He knew what he had to do to save himself and Najmah from further heartache but was he strong enough to do it?

{••}

"Oh, Aslan it's good that you're back," Najmah's face tilted into a smile as she stepped out of the closet, holding up a dress on a hanger. "I have finished packing up my stuff and since we are traveling back to my home I think I should travel light. I still have some clothes there that I haven't brought here with me."

Aslan closed the door gently behind him, taking tentative steps towards her before stopping in the middle of the room. His gaze swept around the room before finally settling on her unzipped trolley. He shoved his hand into his pockets as he weighed his words.

"And before you say anything," she smiled, pecking his cheeks before heading into the closet again. "I am well rested and I have taken my medicine. My head doesn't hurt anymore so I can do some work. You know what? I am super excited about our trip tomorrow. I can't wait to see Adda, Yaa Umar, Ummita and Abba. I am sure they will be thrilled to see you. By the way, I haven't told them about our trip, I want it to be as a surprise for them. They'll just see my lovely husband and me at the gate..." she trailed off when she didn't hear any response from him.

Najmah came out of the closet and placed the tie she was holding into the bag she was packing his clothes in before leaning into the doorframe of the closet, crossing her arms.

"Okay you are acting really weird," she furrowed her brows, sizing him up. "Fess up, what's on your mind?"

"I want you to leave."

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