Too Much Drama

Jackson finds me a little while later sitting on the beach, digging my toes into the soft white sand. I had been too distracted by my swirling thoughts to walk far, so instead, I had meandered up to the small cove that was just out of sight of the villa and plopped myself in a shady spot while I contemplated the situation. I had repeatedly cursed myself for not having my phone on me; I could have really done with being able to rant at Soph or Finn about how fucked up my day had become.

“So…” Jackson drops down next to me, and I can tell he's uncomfortable from how he starts rubbing the back of his neck.

“So,” I reply, struggling to look him in the eyes. “Maggie, is it?” He nods. “Ex-girlfriend and almost ex-fiancée?” Jackson looks startled at my words, so I put him out of his misery. “James briefly filled me in.”

“Ah.” Jackson turns his head to stare out across the water, his expression unreadable.

“Do I need to be worried?” I hate having to ask. I hate that I care enough to have to ask. I avoid situations like this for a reason. I. Don’t. Like. To. Feel. This. Way!

Jackson turns to look at me, his brow scrunching together as he contemplates his answer. “No, not at all,” he replies, scrubbing an agitated hand through his hair. There is more to this than he’s letting on. “Kat, I swear I don’t have any feelings for Maggie, but…” I knew there would be a but. “Well, she just told me she still loves me.”

“Oh.” What the hell am I supposed to say? I dig my hands into the sand and let it run over my fingers as I try to sort through the whirlwind of emotions running through me.

“Things with Maggie have always been complicated. We were off and on again for years. She and Lisa kind of came as a package deal, so she was always around. Things would be great for a while, then it would go sour, one of us would say something we’d later regret, and we would call it off.”

Jackson lets out a long sigh as he turns to look out at the sea once again. I can tell him it’s costing him a lot to talk about this, so I wait for him to continue. “The last time, which was a couple of years ago actually, I thought that we’d finally put all our bullshit behind us. I was ready to propose and take the relationship to the next level. I had visions of us settling down and having a couple of kids, and I was prepared for that. I really was. But then I discovered that Maggie had been going through my phone, had hacked my email account, and had started popping up in unexpected places, all because she had gotten it in her head that I was cheating on her.

“She’d always been the jealous type, no matter how many times I told her she was all I wanted. And really, I couldn’t blame her. The life I’d been living was not exactly conducive to a long-term relationship. Women hit on me, and I can’t help that. I don’t invite it, but it is what it is. I know that sounds arrogant, but it comes with the territory of being in the band. Who would be completely comfortable with their boyfriend constantly surrounded by women who would happily jump into bed with him at the merest hint?

“Anyways, Maggie had convinced herself that I was shagging this girl called Lauren, who did PR for us. There was absolutely nothing going on, but after a particularly vicious fight, where we both said some really shitty things, I stormed out of the restaurant where we were having dinner the night before a show in Liverpool and ended up in a random bar getting hideously drunk…”

Ah, I totally get where this story is going now. “Lauren was sent out to pick my arse up and get me back to my hotel room, and that’s when I had the spectacularly awful idea that if Maggie was going to accuse me of something, then I would make it bloody true.

“The next morning, Maggie let herself into my room with the intention of apologising but, of course, caught us in bed, which led to another screaming row. And that was that.”

“Okay, I get that.” And I really do. We’ve all had an ex that made us a little crazy. Well, other people have; I never let anyone get close enough to end up there. You don’t work in a bar without hearing about these things.

“It was a toxic relationship. Ultimately, neither of us was happy despite all the effort we’d put in. It felt like a constant tug of war, and no one was ever the winner.” Jackson’s shoulders are slumped, his eyes studiously avoiding mine, and I hate how defeated he looks.

“Why did you never say anything about her?” I ask quietly. “You must have known that I would meet her eventually."

“Honestly, Kat, I didn’t even think about it. I mean, Maggie is always there on the periphery. We’ve stayed friendly because of Lisa and Evan, but I keep my distance, and so does she.”

I get it, but it does make me a little uncomfortable. In Jackson’s eyes, he and Maggie are not a thing anymore, so he’s moved on. Maggie hasn’t been feeling like that, so this confession worries me. “Knowing that she still loves you—”

“Changes nothing,” Jackson interrupts firmly, giving me a piercing look before taking my hand in his and placing a kiss on my palm. “I love you, Kat. I want you. Nothing is going to change that. Maggie’s feelings are her own concern.”

I’m sure Jackson believes that deep down, but what lengths might Maggie go to to get Jackson back? Finn has had a couple of bat-shit crazy exes who have done everything from stalking him and going through our rubbish to slicing up his clothes. One girl, Bethany, turned up in the bar one night smashed off her face, professing her undying love before stripping down to reveal a tattoo of Finn’s face across her torso; they had been on three dates. So yeah, I think I have a right to be a wee bit apprehensive of what Maggie might be up to.

Maybe I’m being a bitch, but it seems a tad suspicious that she’s here with Lisa. I get the whole baby business, but as far as I’m aware, no one planned to come out to the villa until Jackson called Chase. Only then did our little holiday come to include the ‘let’s get to know Kat’ weekend.

Cara and Lisa don’t like me, and now I wonder how much Maggie influenced them. I don’t remember seeing her at the wedding, but then things were so fraught that day that the other guests didn’t make much of an impression. Yet again, it seems like I’m at some sort of crossroads.

To be honest, deep down, I feel like saying fuck this shit. I don’t need this kind of complication in my already messed-up life. But the truth is that I have fallen in love with Jackson, like completely head over heels, run off into the sunset kind of love, and if I don’t accept this whole Maggie situation, then I’m going to be forcing Jackson to make choices; choices that he will end up hating me for in the long run.

I let out a long sigh and scrunch my toes into the warm, white sand as I deliberate on my response. “I love you too, Jackson.” My words are barely above a whisper as if I’m still afraid to admit my feelings for him out loud. “Look, we both have a past. It’s something neither of us can help. But nothing is going to define our future. If you say that Maggie doesn’t mean anything to you anymore, then I believe you.”

Jackson looks relieved as he caresses my cheek before tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “I promise you, Kat, I feel nothing for her other than the kind of friendship you have when you’ve known someone for a decade. You are it for me.”

Sincerity shines through every word, so I decide to step back and give Jackson the benefit of the doubt. I still want to get to the bottom of why Jackson’s reaction to seeing Maggie had been to manhandle her inside, but I’m already tired of the drama and just want to put it aside for another day. But so help Maggie if she puts a foot out of line when it comes to my boyfriend!