When It's Easier To Hide

It’s well past midnight when Sophie’s housemate, Evie, opens the door to me with a look of surprise on her face. “Soph is not here,” she says as she takes in my bedraggled appearance and ushers me into the hallway before closing the door with a soft click.

I nod. “I know. Do you mind though, if I crash in her room tonight?” I ask, my voice thick with unshed tears.

She looks me up and down with a friendly, “Sure,” before waving her hand in the direction of Soph’s room, even though I have been here thousands of times before.

“And Evie, would you mind not saying anything to Soph about this until I have a chance to talk to her?” I have no idea how I’m going to explain everything that’s happened in the last twelve hours when I don’t even really understand it myself.

“Sure thing,” Evie responds with a casual shrug. “Would this have anything to do with that guy who dragged you off the bar a little while back?” There is a small glint in her eye and my heart sinks.

My face flames with embarrassment as I remember that she was there. “Something like that,” I mutter.

“Men,” Evie snorts before turning around and disappearing into her room, throwing a soft, “Goodnight,” over her shoulder.

I make my way into Sophie’s bedroom and fling myself down onto her bed. It has taken three different trains and another taxi ride to get here, and I am ready to drop, so I crawl under the covers, not even bothering to raid Sophie’s cupboard for something to get changed into. The tears start to flow once again, and this time I do nothing to stop them until, somehow, I fall into a restless sleep.

When I eventually wake it is to one of those monumental headaches that you only ever get from a night of crying. I dig out my phone to check what time it is and am grateful that I had the forethought to put it on silent because I have dozens of missed calls, twenty text messages, and more voicemail notifications than I would like. I delete them all without reading or listening to them and then quickly fire off a message to Finn to let him know that I am okay. Just as quickly my phone lights up and a flurry of messages gets exchanged:

*Finn: Where the hell are you, Kit Kat?

Me: Stayed at Soph’s. Will ring later to explain.

Finn: Explain now! Have one seriously pissed-off Jackson in the living room.

Me: Not coming home til J is gone. Never want to see him again.

Finn: Explain…

Me: Not now. Need to get head on straight. Will call later.

Finn: Fine, but we are not done.*

Finn is clearly hacked off with me, but I just don’t have the energy to deal with him right now. My stomach is rumbling, and it is almost two in the afternoon, which probably explains why Finn is pissed; we always know where the other is. I stumble out of Soph’s bedroom and head down the corridor to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee and a sandwich. I have known Evie for a couple of years as Sophie’s housemate and have stayed over many times, so she won’t mind me helping myself.

The flat is quiet, so I am guessing Evie must be out. I head through to the small but comfortable living room and settle on the sofa to munch on my sandwich and look out over the boats nestled in the marina. I am sipping on my coffee and starting to feel a little bit more like myself when I hear a key in the lock.

Evie strides in, calling out over her shoulder, “Let me just grab my bag.” She stops in her tracks when she sees me, a slightly panicked look crossing her face when she realises that I’m in the lounge. “Hey, Kat. Are you feeling any better?” she asks, concern written all over her face.

“A little. Thanks for letting me stay last night, Evie. I really appreciate it.”

“No problem,” she says, glancing nervously down the hall.

“Could I be a real pain and stay over again tonight, if it’s not too much hassle?” I ask, realising that I’m not ready to head home and face Finn’s inquisition just yet.

“That’s fine with me. I’m going to be out tonight anyway.” She shifts from foot to foot nervously, and I wonder if I’m interrupting something.

Suddenly two guys fill the doorway. They are like night and day; one is dark-haired with intense slate-coloured eyes and a deep tan, and the other is pale with spiky blonde hair and piercing blue eyes an even lighter shade than Jackson’s. I recognise them as Hunter and Cole, regulars from the bar.

“Hey, Kat,” Cole calls out, a mischievous look on his face that suddenly has my imagination running wild. These guys are a complete mystery to me; they hang out most nights at the bar, but I’ve never seen either of them leave with anyone. Given their flirtatious natures with anyone female, I had ruled out that they were a couple, and their body language towards Evie has me wondering what the hell is going on.

“Hey guys,” I reply, not entirely sure how to address the situation. Evie has gone bright red and quickly disappears into her room, returning moments later with an overnight bag over her shoulder. She all but pushes the guys back down the corridor; curiouser and curiouser. There’s soft murmuring, and I swear I hear the word ‘busted’ followed by Cole chuckling loudly and then the front door bangs shut.

Hmm. I make a mental note to ask Sophie about it when I next speak to her, but right now, I don’t have the energy to contemplate anyone else’s situation apart from my own. I spend the rest of the day with my thoughts swirling around in my head, and when I crash back into bed, nothing is any clearer.

I probably overreacted, but that still doesn’t excuse Jackson’s words. Each time I run through them in my head my stomach twists into knots. But I have come to accept that this is partially my fault. When Jackson told me that I never asked him anything personal I wanted to deny it, but thinking about it properly has made me realise that he was right. My habits have been ingrained in me; keep it light, keep it simple. That way you don’t get in too deep into a relationship, and you don’t have to expose yourself.

I have no idea what I am going to do. I suddenly remember that I never called Finn, but frankly, I just don’t have the energy to do it now, so I roll over and close my eyes in an attempt to shut out the world.