Chapter 24 CHAPTER: 024
Asher wakes up panting, sheets twisted around him, to find himself on his bed, but the room spins slightly in the darkness.
His heart races like a drum, pounding in his ears while sweat clings to his skin, and for a moment, he can’t seem to comprehend anything, only the sharp, icy pain of the nightmare still clinging to him.
He sits up, clutching the blanket to his chest, trying to force the images away. Faces… flames… his family… burnt… dead. Always the same dream nightmare.
He moves back, resting his back against the wall and his knees held to his chest as he listens to the loud beating of his heart in the silent room.
Asher forces himself to breathe, slow and steady, but his chest still aches, tight with a panic he can’t shake. He runs a hand through his hair and mutters under his breath, “It’s just a dream. Just a dream.”
He chants the words over and over again like a spell, the same thing he does every night when he wakes up from another nightmare that has panting and shaking, and lately, it's almost like the nightmares have worsened. He has gone nights without proper sleep.
He exhales a sigh once he's calm enough and looks around the room. He finds his roommate oblivious as always, fast asleep and dead to the world around him.
He looks away and looks out the window, and finds the full moon reflecting brightly. Asher feels suffocated. Even when he has managed to control his fire without hurting anyone or himself, his chest is still heavy, and the question of "what if" and self-doubt still cloud his mind.
Asher needs fresh air. So he goes seeking, getting off the bed and sneaking out without waking up any of his roommates.
Minutes later, he finds himself on the rooftop, sitting at the edge and staring up at the stars. He shuts his eyes and lets himself feel the softness of the wind against his face.
Relief settles on his bones, but there's a dim ache that resides in his chest. Slowly, he opens his eyes and looks at the space beside him, the usual spot Xavi always sits whenever they're together. They've only been together a few times, but every encounter leaves an imprint in Asher’s mind.
Slowly, a small smile curves at the corner of his lips without him realizing it. The boy's image stays stuck in his head, refusing to leave: his pretty features, his blue eyes, his pretty smile, the cute tattoos on his fingers, and the way his lips twitch into a smirk whenever he takes a drag from his cigar.
Instantly, Asher catches himself, and the little smile fades. He shakes his head. He can't miss the boy.
Asher barely knows anything about him, so why does he suddenly feel so much? The feelings are overwhelming, and they're the only thing Asher thinks of when he's awake, realizing over and over again that it doesn't matter how much he feels; they're never going to work, and even if they could touch, Xavi is only going to play with his heart. That's his reputation. Asher would be the only one who sinks deep and would leave with his heart broken.
Maybe it's better this way. He exhales another sigh and presses his palms to the ground, leaning back and supporting his weight, and continues to watch the stars above in the sky.
~
Asher returns to the room hours later. He opens the door slowly and slips in, shutting the door behind him, but when he turns, he pauses abruptly like a deer caught in the spotlight as his gaze lands on Rase, awake on his bed, arms crossed over his chest, while his gaze pierces through Asher’s face.
“Rase, you're awake,” he acknowledges the boy.
“You always go out at midnight. Are you meeting someone?”
The question catches Asher off guard. He blinks at Rase. “Why would you think that?”
Rase's gaze stays cold. “It's a feeling. You always return with a blush on your face. You knew who the note was from, didn't you? That's why you were upset when I burnt it. He's the one you always go out to meet."
That's only half the truth, but Asher is not going to tell him that. “That's not it."
Rase scowls. “Tell me, who is he? A fire elemental? Maybe water, lightning, earth, or is it ice?”
Asher's jaw clenches. “You're simply overthinking. I told you, that's not it. I only went to get some fresh air. I have nightmares that keep me up the whole night."
Again, Asher tells the half-truth as he walks over to his bed, not sparing the other boy another glance.
“I like you, Asher,” Rase blurts out, and Asher immediately freezes, his hands clenching at his side, realizing what he feared has become reality.
“I like you. You might say it's a silly crush, but I know what I feel. I've never felt like this for anyone,” Rase continues in a sincere tone.
Asher’s entire body stiffens. How does he go about this without everything being awkward between them? Asher doesn't know how to handle situations like this because he has never been in one.
Slowly, he turns to Rase, ready to reject his feelings, but the boy raises a hand to hush him.
“I know you don't like me. You've never blushed or smiled or shown any emotion when I flirt with you, but it's different whenever you return from your late-night out,” Rase continues. He gets off his bed and approaches Asher, stopping in front of him, their eyes locked on each other. “Whoever he is, I also want a chance to show you how much I like you.”
“There's no one.”
“I don't believe it, but I'm not giving up yet. I'm going to make you like me, Asher, as long as you let me."
Asher’s chest tightens, a storm of panic and disbelief swirling inside him while his hands twitch at his sides, but he forces himself to stay still, to not run.
He wants to speak, to explain, to push him away gently, but the words stick in his throat. How do you reject someone who’s so open, so fearless in expressing what he feels? Especially someone like Rase, who has always been by his side, teasing, protecting, and flirting—a constant in his life?
So, Asher doesn't.