Chapter 77

I smiled. Somewhere a clock was ticking the seconds away, but except for the occasional vehicle outside the trailer, it was quiet.

“Where do you live?” he asked in a hushed voice.

“Chicago.”

“Oh.” Was it my imagination or did he sound disappointed? “Do you like it there?” he asked.

“I guess. I don’t dislike it, but I don’t really have a strong connection with the place either. To be honest I think I could live anywhere as long as I’m happy with my life.”

“But maybe not here in Bumfuck, Minnesota?” His hand had found its way around my waist and he plucked at my wrinkled shirt as if he wanted to be let in. Heat blazed from his hand through the fabric of my clothes. Even when he wasn’t touching me and just hovered over my skin, his hand radiated heat. If I’d been superstitious I might have thought he was a healer or something.

“I don’t know. If you’d asked me when I ran out of here after high school, I would have said no. But now? Maybe.”

I’d been feeling restless lately. Adrift. Like I wanted something different but hadn’t really figured out what, and it drove me crazy. I liked my life ordered and planned, and this indecision was very unlike me.

I hadn’t lied when I told him I liked what I was doing, but my boss was a son of a bitch, and I’d been thinking about maybe looking for another job. Or starting up my own business. I also worried about my mom. It wasn’t like she was sick or anything, but she was getting older and she hadn’t been this thin the last time I’d seen her. I needed to be closer to her, so lately I’d been considering moving back to Minnesota.

But for whatever reason, I couldn’t decide on what to do. I was stuck in limbo.

“I like the silence here,” I whispered. “I’d forgotten what silence sounds like. I like it. Makes it easier to think.”

“Mhm.” His fingers drew patterns on my waist. Circles. The eternity symbol. Long squiggly lines across my abdomen. His movements grew more and more sluggish and his breath slowed and evened out, and after only a few minutes he was asleep.

His heavy head on my shoulder and warm hand on my stomach grounded me. I burrowed my nose into his short hair and inhaled his scent. He smelled of the deep forest. Earthy. It was comforting, like an anchor.

“Who are you?” I mumbled. He was unlike anyone I’d ever met and I wanted to get to know him better. To learn everything about him. If I changed my flight and stayed with my mom for a few more days, I might have the chance.

That was if he wanted the same. Maybe this was all one-sided and he would be happy to say goodbye to me whenever his sister came home.

I glanced at my watch. It was after nine p.m. and we’d been here for four hours. What kind of person could leave their four-year-old child alone for so long? What the fuck was wrong with her?

Sighing, I forced all thoughts of her out of my head. Instead, I listened to Axel breathing. He inhaled long and deep as if he had freakishly large lungs, and made a little humming noise as he exhaled. It was cute as fuck. And hypnotizing. Surrounded by his scent and sleeping sounds, all thoughts faded away and I just sat there, existing in his presence.

It was the most relaxed I’d been in a long time. 5

Axel jerked awake and sat up straight when a car door slammed outside the trailer. He leapt off the couch as feet stomped up the three stairs to the tiny porch and stood by the door as it was yanked open, and a tiny woman with freshly fucked, black hair stepped inside.

“Ax, what the—”

He silenced her by laying his big hand on her mouth—it covered half her face—and made shushing sounds. “Keep your voice down. Bea’s asleep.”

When she nodded her acknowledgment, he removed his hand.

“What are you doing here?” she hissed at him. She crossed her arms over her chest, tilted her head back, and glared at him, dark eyes flashing with defiance.

“What amIdoin’ here? That’s your first concern? Not how Bea is? Your daughter, Annie, who you left all by herself again!” Axel’s voice was low and unhurried like before. I was in awe of how he kept his cool even though he was upset.

“It’s none of your business.” She took a step closer to him.

“It is when you’re leavin’ Bea all by herself.” Axel stepped back, not taking her bait.