Chapter 82
She knew, but she wanted to hear Bethany say the words out loud. She neededto hear them, after all this time. She couldn’t remember if the L word had been said the night before, and if it had, the wine may have been partially to blame. But here, by the light of day, when they were both sober and aware of what they were saying. When they knew the consequences.
Placing a hand on Dana’s side, Bethany propped up her chin so she could look Dana in the face when she answered, “You, me, this. Us. There, I said. I want us. Together, like this. I want to wake up beside you every morning, and I want to go to sleep beside you every night.”
Dana thought that would be the end of it, and if it were, she’d be satisfied. Sitting up, she kissed the kip of Bethany’s nose. “Deal. But next time I’m bringing my own pillow.”
“Yesterday was magical,” Bethany continued. “I don’t know how else to describe it. I’ve never had a date that felt quite like ours did, you know?”
With a grin, Dana teased, “How many dates have you had that ended in sex? Not counting Terrance.”
“Terrance and I didn’t alwayshave sex,” Bethany replied, defensive. She frowned as she traced a swirling pattern into Dana’s skin, her touch ticklish. “In fact, near the end? I didn’t want to have sex every time we got together because I felt that was the only reason he came up to see me. Plus…and this sounds bad…”
Dana sat up a little, interested. “Plus what?”
Bethany shrugged. “Plus I don’t think I was really in love with him anymore, at the end. I mean, I was in love with the thought of being in love, if that makes sense? But we’d been together for so long, and after a while I felt like I was just going through the motions. Like I was expectedto love him. People wanted us to be together, so we were. Even though by then neither of us really wanted to be.”
Leaning over, Dana kissed Bethany’s nose again, then slid down to catch the next kiss on her lover’s lips. She cradled Bethany’s face in her hand as her tongue dipped inside, savoring the soft heat of Bethany’s mouth.
When she pulled back, she didn’t go far. Instead, she rested her forehead on Bethany’s and murmured, “If you think thatsounded bad, wait until you hear this.”
“What?” Bethany whispered.
Dana waited a heartbeat, then answered, “I’m glad he’s gone.”
With a breathy giggle, Bethany replied, “Me, too. I never loved him like I love you.”
* * * *
August 2001
Time passed like the world rushing by outside the commuter train Dana took twice a week into Queens for grad school. She got into the program she wanted, and though she hated the commute at first, by the end of the first semester, she looked forward to the downtime spent speeding between her apartment and campus. Time off from her job at the bookstore, when she could focus on coursework and her reading, just as Bethany had predicted.
The only thing she still hated about the long hours away from Manhattan was the time spent away from her lover.
That first date never really had to materialize into another; neither of them had to ask the other out again because from then on, everything they did was done together. There was never a question of, “Do you want to be my girlfriend?” or “Are we dating now?” Instead, when Bethany invited Dana to a work function, she was introduced not as “my roommate” or “my friend” but “my partner.”
As in the other half of her soul.
When Dana asked her about it once, Bethany shrugged it off. “Girlfriend sounds so…I don’t know. Temporary. I mean, anyone can have a girlfriend. It doesn’t quite capture what we are. It belittles our relationship.”
“But partner sounds like we’re…” Dana searched for the right word. She didn’t want to say marriedbecause everyone knew two women couldn’tget married, at least, not legally. “It just sounds a bit dry. Like Scully and Mulder were partners on The X-Files, you know?”
Bethany gave her a beguiling grin. “Yeah, and I don’t know about you, but I think they had one of the sexiest relationships on TV I’ve ever seen. I mean, hell. They didn’t even kiss and every time they were together, I got all hot and bothered.”
“They kissed eventually.” Dana tried to think back to which particular it was where they’d kissed but drew a blank. “I mean…didn’t they? At least once?”
“All I’m saying is, partnersounds more meaningful to me than girlfriend.” Bethany shrugged. “Who knows? One day maybe I’ll even get to call you wife.”
Dana stared at Bethany for a long moment, not daring to trust herself to speak. When she finally found her voice, it was small and unsure, belonging to a little girl and not the thirty-year-old woman she had become.