Chapter 20
“I only have French vanilla, is that okay?”
“Sure.”
Jay went to his kitchen and Drake found himself staring at Jay’s ass the whole way. He’d always thought Jay was sexy and sweet, who wouldn’t, but now he couldn’t seem to think around him. Not without wanting Jay anyway. And the truth was, he’d been trying to ignore his attraction to Jay for a long time. The other day when he’d jerked them off it had sort of opened the floodgates, no pun intended.
“Why are you thinking of moving?” Drake forced himself to ask. Now, he couldn’t help wondering if maybe Jay had found himself someone to move in with. There had been that guy, Bobby, from the other day. Jay had canceled the date, but maybe they’d met up after that. It would be kind of fast though.
“Well, really, I don’t have friends nearby or anything.”
Ouch.
“I’m here.”
Jay sort of smiled but it wasn’t the sweet, genuine smile he’d been used to seeing. “Besides you. And my best friend, Geoff, says they are renting apartments in his complex. It might be cool to move there. It’s even a little closer to work.”
“It’s probably more expensive then,” Drake said, figuring he had to find ways to point out the negative before the moving truck arrived and took Jay away.
“Yeah, it is.” Jay filled the water reservoir for the coffeemaker. “That’s definitely a downside. I’m not sure I can afford a more expensive place. This one is hard enough.”
“See. That’s got to be a major obstacle.”
Jay nodded. “So, I’ll just move in with someone.”
His heart dropped into his stomach. “Someone?”
“Uh huh.” Jay filled the coffeemaker with French vanilla flavored coffee and then hit the on switch.
“Like who? A boyfriend?”
Laughing, Jay shook his head. “No, I don’t have a boyfriend.”
Oh, thank God.
“Who then?”
“I’ll probably advertise for a roommate.”
Drake blinked. “What? Jay, that’s nuts.”
Jay frowned and removed two plain white mugs from his cabinet. “Why?”
“Advertising for some stranger to be your damn roommate? Do you know how dangerous that is?”
“Is it?”
He felt the muscle in his jaw twitch. “You could get some psycho nut job homophobic crackhead.”
Jay stared at him eyes wide, but then suddenly laughed. “I forgot you’re a cop. You probably are easily paranoid.”
“I am not easily paranoid, but you are right that being a detective does color my view. The last thing in the world I want is for you to become someone’s victim.” Drake paused, exhaled. “Jesus, Jay, what’s this really about? Why the desire to move?”
But now Jay wouldn’t look at him. He fussed in the kitchen touching appliances and opening cabinets.
Drake’s heart sank.
Oh.
“It’s to get away from me, isn’t it?” He swallowed heavily. “Because of what I did the other day?”
“What you did?” Jay fiddled with the coffeemaker.
“Or what I said, actually. When you came to talk to me? Jay, I know I acted like an asshole. I wanted to tell you how sorry I was.”
Jay lifted the carafe and poured coffee into the mugs. “It’s all right. You were just honest. I can’t fault that.”
Drake briefly closed his eyes, then opened them to look at Jay, whose cheeks were lightly stained pink. “Jay, look at me.”
Jay lifted his gaze. His teeth sank into his bottom lip.
“I wasn’t honest. Not exactly, no.”
“No?”
Drake took the coffee mug Jay held in his hands and put it on the kitchen counter. He grasped Jay’s warm hands in his. “I think you are incredibly sexy. You’re one of the best looking guys I’ve ever seen. You’re sweet and kind, and the truth is, I adore you.”
Jay’s eyes widened but he said nothing.
“See, the thing is, there is an age difference between us. I’m in my thirties and you’re in your twenties and I do wonder what we could possibly have in common for very long other than sex.”
“So, you’re saying you don’t think there’s anything about me you like except for the desire to fuck me?”
Drake winced. “No. That came out wrong.”
“Did it?” Jay shook his head. “I don’t know. We’ve spent time together. Evenings, days, doing stuff together in the past as friends. No, we haven’t been on like a date, but I think we know each other pretty well.”
He was right, Drake decided. They had spent a lot of time together. He realized he looked forward to seeing Jay every day, and when he didn’t, he became anxious pretty quickly. All this time he’d been convinced they were only friends, that it was Ross he really wanted to be with. But he didn’t feel good about himself when he was with Ross. He only felt low down and dirty.