CHAPTER 29

CHAPTER 29
I finally focus on the song playing, a slow one. Swallowing, I nod. His hands slide down my neck, over my arms, and settle on my hips as my arms wrap around his neck. It's the closest we've been since I shut the door in his face. We begin to sway to the song, my cheek against his chest, his lips kissing my hair. Neither of us speaks at first. I have my eyes closed, savoring the moment, as I inhale his unique scent. Then he speaks, his chest rumbling beneath my cheek.

—God, I've missed hugging you.—

I've missed it too, especially late at night.

—Hmm. So, I wonder why I haven't been receiving any late-night invitations when this loneliness has taken over.—

Jeremiah, you know why.

—I love you, Laury, so if you think I'm going to give up and let you walk away from me, you're wrong. I'll be damned if I don't have you for the rest of my life.

I squeeze my eyes shut, determined to keep the tears behind my closed eyelids.

And you know I love you. You know I want the same thing. As scary as it is to admit it to someone I'm sure I can't spend the rest of my life with. But it has to be you, me, and Ezekiel. We both know it can't be any other way. I love you both. I won't choose, and I won't force you to choose between your brother and me.

—Do you know what it does to me to hear you say those words?—

I smile. “Well, to make you love me even more, of course.”

He chuckles, the sound vibrating against me. “Right.”

—Are we breaking our hearts even more by saying all this?—

I feel his chin move from side to side on top of my head as he shakes his head. “No, because I know it won’t be long.”

I frown. “What do you mean?”

I know my brother. He's dumb until he's smart enough to stop being dumb. And I know that if I miss you so much, he does too.

—I'm not so sure about that.—

—So why is he walking toward us right now?

I quickly glance over my shoulder, and sure enough, Ezequiel is coming. He seems hesitant, as if he thinks I'll back away, that I'll avoid him. Maybe I should, but I'm too curious about what he has to say.

"Do you mind if I interrupt?" he asks Jeremiah.

\-You are welcome.-

Jeremiah leans in to kiss my cheek, but I turn my head, unable to resist the pull of feeling his lips against mine again. Even though it might be the last time. When he pulls back, his smile tells me he won't allow it. Ezekiel takes my hand, his free arm looping around my waist, and pulls me close. He doesn't try to cuddle me against his body, but he holds us so my eyes are staring at him as he looks down at me. Again, neither of us says a word, but unlike with Jeremiah, where I remembered, savored, and tried not to think of it as grieving for what I'd never have, with Ezekiel, it's waiting and wishing for what he'll say, what he'll do. I feel like everything has led to this. His words, his absence, what happened at the gym, the change in him I've seen tonight. It's all leading up to this moment where his hands are on me, we stare into each other's eyes, and my heart is pounding in my chest wondering if this is a new beginning or the end.

Maybe he'll admit he can't trust me, that even if it's what he wants, he's in no position to give me what I want. Maybe he's searched his heart and found me there, at least enough to think with that instead of his own muddled mind. Maybe I can forgive him, decide to move on as if this week never happened. His throat quivers as he swallows, and he takes a deep breath, and I know this is it.

—I'm sorry, Laury. I'd say that's the best place to start. Sorry.

—I agree with you on that.—

He nods. From the very beginning, when we started and we all said this would just be sex, it was easy to pretend I didn't feel more for you than I wanted to. It allowed me to let go of what I felt, but still, my feelings grew and grew, scaring me more and more every time I dared to think about them. I went from wanting you to yearning you, from longing for you to needing you. It scared me so much, Laury. That I could want you so much and end up heartbroken. That you could decide to walk away from Jer and me, and that I would feel abandoned, empty. Then, it became clear you wanted to be with us, but it only scared me more because here it was, the chance to have what I'd always wanted. A woman Jeremiah and I wanted to be with. A woman who wanted us both. I started to doubt myself, to doubt you. Could you really, truly love us? Could you handle the way they'd look at us, the way they'd talk about us, the explanations they'd assume they were entitled to? Demand when they realized we were together? I doubted we'd be enough for you in the future, or if the pressure of having a normal relationship would cause you to end up leaving us. I don't know how to describe everything that was going through my mind other than—I was scared, Laury.

“I know what it’s like to be afraid of what you feel, Ezequiel,” I say quietly, because it’s a fear I identify with more than anything else.

"I know you can." His hand moves from mine to caress my cheek. "And it only seemed to confirm those fears, didn't it?"

I look away, because without anger filling me, I find I don't want to respond and make him feel worse, but he turns my head until I look at him again.

I'm sorry, Laury. I wish I could take it back. I wish I could take back what I said. I wish I'd been able to snap out of it sooner so I could realize I was hurting your heart. I really wish I'd told you how I felt and what my fears were instead of acting on them.

—And how... how do you feel?—

He gives me a small smile as he puts his arm around my waist to pull me closer. "I love you. Did I forget to say that in all of this?"

"You did it," I whispered.

I don't think I can speak much louder, not over the echo of his words in my head, nor over the pounding of my heart. He brings his face close to mine, brushing my nose.

“Well, then let me make sure you hear me loud and clear.” He runs his nose down my cheek until his mouth is at my ear. “I love you, Laury. I’ve loved you for longer than I’ve had the courage to admit, and I will love you for longer than this life can give me.”

A shaky breath leaves me as he steps back and we're face to face again.

"I love you too," I said. "Although the way you say it sounds much better than my words."

—Not for me. Those are the four best words I've ever heard. Especially when I probably don't deserve them yet.

"Do you have no more doubts?" I ask.

He shakes his head. “Not one.”

—Is there no more distrust?—

\-None.-

He can't know how his words cut deep into me, wrap around my heart, squeeze me until the pain seems a distant memory, because here, Ezequiel erases the words he said before, replacing them with declarations of love and a future. And I feel Jeremiah watching us, watching me. I don't have to look back to know his eyes are on me, probably wondering if now is the time to make everything right so we can all be together again. It is, and yet, feeling Ezequiel's arm around me, my body pressed against his, makes me think of a better way to tell him than just saying it.

"Do you think this is servility?" I ask.

—I'm more than open to suggestions.—

—I think humbling yourself is done on your knees.

—I'll kneel right now, in the middle of all these people—.

He starts to back away to do just that, but I grab him by the lapels of his jacket to stop him. "Anyone would think you were proposing to me."

\-AND?-

I stand still. “Are you really serious?”

I had to spend a week without you, and I feel like I barely made it, Laury. If I could beg you to stay with me and Jeremiah forever so I'd never have to be without you again, I would.

I bite the corner of my lower lip, trying to hold back a smile. It doesn't work. Shaking my head, I say, "I'd rather you humiliate yourself when we're naked. You can decide what to do once you're on your knees."

I instantly feel him harden against me.

His voice is much huskier when he replies, “I think you’re underestimating how quickly I could have you bent over the bathroom sink in here, watching you in the mirror while I sink into you.”

Desire courses through me, but then I hear Heather's voice in my ear, bringing me back to reality.

"We're about to start the silent auction," he tells me, which means I have to go up and announce each winner.

“I have to go,” I tell Ezequiel, “but I’m not going home tonight, so if you really want to humiliate yourself, you and Jeremiah will find out where I am and come to me. If you don’t find me, well…” I shrug as I pull away. “Then I guess I’ll spend the night alone. Naked and alone.”

But he pulls me back, making me gasp at the force with which he pulls me close so he can kiss me. His kiss is soft, softer than ever. I close my eyes at the feel of his lips, finding something to savor again tonight.

"We'll find you," he promises.

—We'll see.— I smile.

I walk away on shaky legs and a racing, but recovering, heart. Heather looks contrite when I catch up with her.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I didn't want to ruin the moment you were having with Ezekiel, but I didn't know if you'd want me to announce the winners."

—Okay. We said everything we had to say.

She narrows her eyes. “For better or worse?”

—Good. Definitely good.—

She smiles. “So, fine.”

Desserts are being served when I take the microphone to announce all the silent auction winners. He's already finished his work for the night, and I see Jackson sitting with Kamila. Law and Sarah beside him. Ezekiel and Jeremiah between the two couples. They're huddled together, and I almost laugh, knowing they're undoubtedly plotting to find me tonight.

After announcing the winners, I ask for the final donations, happy to see the checkbooks come out. The band plays as the checks are collected and desserts are cleared away. The night is almost over, and most of the tension from everything leading up to this evening has dissipated. Now, I just hope we've raised a decent amount for the hospital charity.

I'm at the front, making sure the valets are prepared for the rush of people who will leave all at once as the event ends, when I see Heather running toward me.

"Oh no! What happened?" I ask urgently.

"Nothing." He smiles. "I just wanted to see your face when I told you."

I frown. “What did you say to me?”

—Donations broke a record—.

Raising my eyebrows, I exclaim, “Are you kidding?”

She turns her phone so he can see the final numbers for the donation total: $653,000.

—Oh my God!—

—Now everyone will hire you for their galas—, he smiles.

—I can't believe this.—

—Creelo.—

—Go up and announce it.—

I hurry back to the hall and onto the stage.