Chapter 60 His Shoulder To Lean On.
Malia's pov
Fresh tears spill, and I don't try to stop them. I’m crying for the first time in days, not because I’m hurting, or scared, or tired, but over something that feels close to relief. As if someone finally gets how heavy I’ve been holding and they’re not telling me to hold it.
"Thank you," I say with my voice breaking. "Thank you for understanding. For not demanding more of me than I can give right now."
"You're already giving me everything just by being here," Cian murmurs. "Everything else will come when it will. Or it won't. Either way," I'm not going anywhere."
He lets go of my hand as he slips his arm around my shoulders and pulls me softly against his side, "I'm not going to let anything happen to you.”
I allow myself to lean into him, my head on his shoulder, as I listen to the rhythmic pattern of his breathing.
The sun is beginning to set with the sky displaying through the orange and pink. The oak leaves dapple the sunlight with flecks of gold and shadow upon the courtyard. It is beautiful, in a very quiet and modest way, very much like Cian.
We sit like that, for a long minute, silently, together, anchoring ourselves to one another in serene quiet. His presence is not as his other brothers’, as much as Aiden’s is devouring, or Rowan’s is overwhelming. Simply, steady and dependable and real.
A subtle wind blows through the leaves above us and I felt Cian's smile against my hair.
"What?"I ask gently.
"Nothing. It’s just…this is nice.” His voice is tinged with a satisfaction I don’t think I have ever heard from him before before.. “Having you here, Not having to share you with anyone or anything. Just us."
“It is nice,” I say, burrowing a little more into his heat.
"You know," he reflects after a moment, "when the bond first formed, I was terrified."
I raise my head to look at him, startled. "You were?"
"Terrified," he confirms. "Because I knew it would be difficult. Three of us tied to one person? It's not supposed to work that way. I thought of all the ways it could go wrong, all the pain it could cause."
"And now?"
His grey eyes meet mine, soft and sincere. "Now I think maybe that's exactly what was supposed to happen. Because at different times you want different things. Aiden's strength when the world feels dangerous. Rowan's passion when you want to feel alive. And me in the middle, anchoring ground when there’s nothing but chaos around us.”
“That’s a lovely way to think about it,” I whisper.
"It's the truth." He sweeps a lock of hair from my face, the tip of his finger a feather-light caress. "We complement each other. Complete each other. Not just the three of us, but the four of us, all four of us.”
I nestle back against his shoulder, and he tilts his head and rests his cheek atop my head. The closeness seems now ordinary unremarkable, viewed as if life had been full of such moments for all their days not just three weeks.
"Can I ask you something? " I say after a while.
"Anything."
“Why are you so calm about all this? Aiden and Rowan both wrestle with sharing, with the bond tugging me away from them. But you seem... accepting. Like it doesn’t bother you.”
Cian is silent for a moment as if weighing his response. "It bothers me," he finally admits. “When you’re with them, When I can feel you thinking about them through the bond—yes, it bothers me. I'm possessive too, Malia. I just hide it better."
I'm surprised by that. “You do?”
“I do.” His arm tightens just a bit more around my shoulders. “I just also know that the quickest way to lose you is to fight it and resent it and tell you to pick—so I’m picking up my chips. So I bind the unchangeable, hold close what can be held."
I smile sadly.
“Moments like this. Your hand in mine. The trust you’re putting in me to let your guard down none of which you could’ve known until you fell in love with me."
"That's very mature of you."
He chuckles softly, the sound vibrating in his chest. “Don’t give me too much credit. I have an abundance of moments in which I, for one, feel like heaving Aiden and Rowan out a window and keeping you all to myself.”
I can’t help but giggle when I see the picture. “Really?”
“Really. But then I remember that you love them too. That they make you happy in ways I can’t. And that being selfish would only hurt you. So I'd let you choose this instead, to help you, be here for you when you need me, and trust that this—us — is enough."
“It’s more than enough,” I tell him, raising my head to look into his eyes. “Cian, you’re… you’re incredible. You know that, right?”
A faint blush colors his cheeks, and I realize I've never seen him look genuinely bashful before. "I'm just doing what feels right."
“Well, it's perfect.” I reach up and cup his face, I feel the stubble on his jaw line. “Thank you for this. For seeing what I needed, even when I didn’t know how to ask for it.”
He covers my hand with his and presses it to his cheek. “Anytime, Malia. The place, the peace, yours whenever you need it. Just text me and I’ll come here.”
“A secret refuge,” I say softly.
"Our secret refuge," he corrects with a small smile.
As the sun is lowering, the yard is becoming dark by the coming of the night. I know we should probably head back, the others will be wondering what happened to us.
But I can’t make myself move, too comfortable in this moment, too reluctant to step back out into the chaos that waits beyond these walls.
Cian seems to sense my hesitation. “We can stay as long as still as you want,” he murmurs. “When we get ready to face it, the world will be waiting for us.”
So we stay, and sit on that bench under the oak, as the sky turns from orange to purple to midnight blue. Stars start to twinkle above us, through holes in the leafy ceiling.
And for the first time in what feels like forever, I am genuinely at peace. Not because my problems have been solved or because the situation with the brothers is any less complicated. But because at this moment, in this place, with Cian's steady presence beside me—I don't have to have all the answers.
I can just be.